Mental health VS Daily lifefamilymarriage struggle

[webfors]

Originally Posted By: Cujet
I'm sure you have good doctors, but you might want to double check both testosterone levels and thyroid levels. Both can cause exactly the symptoms you describe if those levels are sub-optimal. I'd be happy to PM you my story if you'd like. Let's put it this way, your health, confidence, physical prowess, the way you dress, testosterone level and so on all affect how others treat you. Remember, others, from your friends, to your boss and your mate, may not want time with you if you are sub-optimal, as the attraction is lost. The confidence that comes with testosterone, ability that comes with intelligence and capability that comes with physical conditioning are very important to a man's well being. Only you have control over these things.


^ wisdom

I have Hashimotos, an auto immune form of Hypothryoidism. Life was an absolute struggle for many years until I started focusing on the lab work, symptoms, and unorthodox root cause analysis and treatment.

Proper thyroid hormone levels, sex hormones (testosterone), vit D, iron, and proper electrolyte balance is key for me. Top it off with a regular exercise regiment, and you have the keys to the happiness kingdom.

And Cujet is bang on, you can't talk your way to intimacy. Actions, and 'aura', speak louder than any words.

 

[georgemiller]

Originally Posted By: mjk
BTW, you NEED to have a physical outlet. The various endorphins that are released can very much assist you in daily life.


Before delving into the antidepressant route, what the above post suggest is spot on.

 

[Superflan]

Thanks everyone for the insights.

Mental health wise, I learned to cope with depression and feel better, to the point where antidepressants brings more side effects than benefits. So, in agreement with the doctors and psys, we managed to progressively go off these meds.

Once in a while I still rely on Xanax but it tends to space out

I’ll get back to talk about that daughter relational

 

[Mr Nice]

Read up on benefits of fish oil.

 

[ATex7239]

My ex-wife had depression issues she never dealt with, clinically or personally, and it ruined our marriage. She used “intimacy” (being an “intimacy” addict) and external hobbies as a band aid for her problems. Which was fun at the time, being in childless and in our early twenties, but it ultimately didn’t save our relationship.

That is not to say I didn’t have my part in the failed marriage. But, I have since dealt with my faults, grown as a person, and moved onto another relationship with my current wife. Which is happy, healthy, and shows no signs of future failure. And she (my ex) jumps from relationship to relationship, hobby to hobby, place to place, and still remains depressed and unhappy.

Talk to your wife, but not about her short comings, but about yours. And start working to better yourself and make the changes you think will make you a better person. The only thing you can change is your behavior and how you interact with the world. If she doesn’t work on herself, then you’ll continue to grow apart, but it sounds like that is what is happening anyways. So, you might as well be a better person in the end.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[beanoil]

First, do not get marriage advice from an internet forum on oil. Find a pro you gel with, get whatever help you need.
Second, everyone wonders about the road not taken when youthful exuberance overrides common sense.
Third, Go take a ride. You never see a motorcycle outside a psychiatrist's office. Focusing on one singular activity allows the brain to process the whirlwind in the background.
You sound pretty normal to me.

 

[andyd]

Other than seeing the glass as half full, nine yrs of a one-a-day 40 mg dose of Celexa has had no noticeable side effects.

 

[Superflan]

Originally Posted By: beanoil
First, do not get marriage advice from an internet forum on oil. Find a pro you gel with, get whatever help you need.
Second, everyone wonders about the road not taken when youthful exuberance overrides common sense.
Third, Go take a ride. You never see a motorcycle outside a psychiatrist's office. Focusing on one singular activity allows the brain to process the whirlwind in the background.
You sound pretty normal to me.


1: I asked on BITOG because it is full of wise people there. But well you seems to tell that this is still Internet and I should read all with a grain of salt.

2: i don’t get it? English isn’t my native language, I’m missing something here

3: I’ve been used to see my motorcycle in front of the psys. Maybe I’ve been used to it and need a new powerful ride. Aiming at a 2016+ Aprilia V4 Factory, Tuono or RSV... I went for a test drive, I went home mindblown for 4 days

 

[Al]

I was a lot like you. Throughout life stress got to me. I did the Psychiatry thing and they prescribed drugs. Drugs in those days were habit forming. They didn't work. So ultimately I got no better.

5 years ago it got really bad again. Went to internal medicine and they prescribed 30 mg celexia..it changed my life. But it was not the medicine along. It allowed me to really "live again" and that feeds on itself. I became a firearm instructor in the last 5 years, got active in my gun club, Hit the gym herder and in the last year started playing my cornet again..after 50 years. I treated myself to several thousand $$$in horns. I feel the best I ever have in my life!!!!

My suggestions..in order:

1.Get your brain chemistry in order. Use the drugs that supplement your natural happy brain chemicals (dopamines, seratonins, oxytocin, endorphins). Celexia is NOT habit forming.

2. At the same time get your physical body in shape.

3. Start doing things you enjoy. You will find yourself doing more and more and things you do and accomplish will make you even more happy/confident.

4. Only at this final stage..tackle the wife problem. Do whatever it takes to get her happy in the marriage or send her packing. You have no choice. She will steal your joy. Financially prepare for the worst. But ultimately..you only live once.

Keep us informed. And PM me if I can help. Continue therapy on BITOG

 

[Drew99GT]

Originally Posted By: Cujet
Let's put it this way, your health, confidence, physical prowess, the way you dress, testosterone level and so on all affect how others treat you. Remember, others, from your friends, to your boss and your mate, may not want time with you if you are sub-optimal, as the attraction is lost. The confidence that comes with testosterone, ability that comes with intelligence and capability that comes with physical conditioning are very important to a man's well being. Only you have control over these things.


No offense, but I personally do not even entertain the thought of surrounding myself with superficial narcissistic jerk offs who think I'm "sub optimal" based on how I look or how I dress. Sounds like the type of people to completely avoid...

 

[PimTac]

Is your location really Reunion Island?

 

[Superflan]

But it sounds pretty right from what I have seen

 

[Superflan]

Originally Posted By: PimTac
Is your location really Reunion Island?


Yes

 

[Tony10s]

Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
No offense, but I personally do not even entertain the thought of surrounding myself with superficial narcissistic jerk offs who think I'm "sub optimal" based on how I look or how I dress. Sounds like the type of people to completely avoid...

I agree with you Drew99GT. People who like you more or less based on superficial reasons like the way you look or dress, "physical prowess", etc are not the kind of people I would seek relationships with. Narcissism is not good at all. People like that are not your friends.

 

[PimTac]

Originally Posted By: Superflan
Originally Posted By: PimTac
Is your location really Reunion Island?


Yes




How often do you get off the island? Something to think about if it has been a while.

 

[Superflan]

I went off june this year and November last year, France both. But I was not fully enjoying the trip, as problems Were already there and we went together, wife and kids. Best memories is when I went on a 3 days motorcycle ride (in winter, ice cold) to see old friends...

 

[georgemiller]

Good diet watch the sugar, exercise get moving, read self help books. Take charge of your own happiness.

 

[Yah-Tah-Hey]

Sorry to hear that Super. My mom was depressed all her life and I have been the same way too. It took years for someone to put a name to the illness, and I was unfortunate to first see a John Bradshaw, "toxic shame" disciple who spent a year trying to get the big me to write a letter to the little me. Nothing but hogwash. Next therapist was an Aaron Beck, cognitive/behavioral therapist and was very helpful. Therapy that is not based in the here and now, that doesn't address what is wrong right now, is ineffectual. You won't get anywhere ruminating over what mom and pop did to you when you were a kid. Get your commerce with the world on track and work on the relationship. Sit down with your wife away from the kids and ask her what she needs from you to be able to appreciate you as a partner. Could be what worked for her on the wedding day isn't working for her today, or things from her first marriage are still negatively affecting her.That is unfortunate but you will survive. My first divorce was so traumatic that I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I had NO identity. There was no past, not future, no next hour, day, week or******. Just the next step. If breathing wasn't automatic, I would have died. Took a year to start thinking about the future again. It's a day to day effort. You have had therapy, you are past the big hang up of not being able to address your mental health so go for.

 

[HorseThief]

mistress?

 

[dlayman]

Originally Posted By: HorseThief
mistress?


I hope that was a joke. That would inevitably lead to more misery for everyone.