difficult elderly parents...
- Thread starter pandus13
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Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Seems that you had a similar situation not too long ago regarding elderly relatives, a car, and them providing childcare services (your kids), transportation to and from school, etc.. You struggled with that situation also.
The Lone Ranger has some excellent experienced-based advice above. No offense, but you seem not to accept that many elderly people operate on a completely different brain function level than what we consider normal. You throw out the idea that he comprehends the renovation of his home "on your dime", not acknowledging that he probably does NOT make the same connection that "normal" people do. These same difficulties were apparent on your other elderly relatives/car thread.
My suggestion is that you seek professional assistance for you to learn how to handle elderly adults. I get (some) of my advice from my nurse daughter who works with dementia patients and their families. Best of luck to you.
EDIT: agree that ecotourist is spot on.
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Seems that you had a similar situation not too long ago regarding elderly relatives, a car, and them providing childcare services (your kids), transportation to and from school, etc.. You struggled with that situation also.
The Lone Ranger has some excellent experienced-based advice above. No offense, but you seem not to accept that many elderly people operate on a completely different brain function level than what we consider normal. You throw out the idea that he comprehends the renovation of his home "on your dime", not acknowledging that he probably does NOT make the same connection that "normal" people do. These same difficulties were apparent on your other elderly relatives/car thread.
My suggestion is that you seek professional assistance for you to learn how to handle elderly adults. I get (some) of my advice from my nurse daughter who works with dementia patients and their families. Best of luck to you.
EDIT: agree that ecotourist is spot on.
Pandus13, after reading your second, more detailed post it seems he wants to be left alone. Coarse language directed at the kids is NOT ok.
Sounds to me like a call once a week is fine -- esPECIALLY since you live a long way away.
Sounds to me like a call once a week is fine -- esPECIALLY since you live a long way away.
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Seems that you had a similar situation not too long ago regarding elderly relatives, a car, and them providing childcare services (your kids), transportation to and from school, etc.. You struggled with that situation also.
The Lone Ranger has some excellent experienced-based advice above. No offense, but you seem not to accept that many elderly people operate on a completely different brain function level than what we consider normal. You throw out the idea that he comprehends the renovation of his home "on your dime", not acknowledging that he probably does NOT make the same connection that "normal" people do. These same difficulties were apparent on your other elderly relatives/car thread.
My suggestion is that you seek professional assistance for you to learn how to handle elderly adults. I get (some) of my advice from my nurse daughter who works with dementia patients and their families. Best of luck to you.
EDIT: agree that ecotourist is spot on.
The car for the in-laws was a different member.
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Seems that you had a similar situation not too long ago regarding elderly relatives, a car, and them providing childcare services (your kids), transportation to and from school, etc.. You struggled with that situation also.
The Lone Ranger has some excellent experienced-based advice above. No offense, but you seem not to accept that many elderly people operate on a completely different brain function level than what we consider normal. You throw out the idea that he comprehends the renovation of his home "on your dime", not acknowledging that he probably does NOT make the same connection that "normal" people do. These same difficulties were apparent on your other elderly relatives/car thread.
My suggestion is that you seek professional assistance for you to learn how to handle elderly adults. I get (some) of my advice from my nurse daughter who works with dementia patients and their families. Best of luck to you.
EDIT: agree that ecotourist is spot on.
The car for the in-laws was a different member.
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Seems that you had a similar situation not too long ago regarding elderly relatives, a car, and them providing childcare services (your kids), transportation to and from school, etc.. You struggled with that situation also.
The Lone Ranger has some excellent experienced-based advice above. No offense, but you seem not to accept that many elderly people operate on a completely different brain function level than what we consider normal. You throw out the idea that he comprehends the renovation of his home "on your dime", not acknowledging that he probably does NOT make the same connection that "normal" people do. These same difficulties were apparent on your other elderly relatives/car thread.
My suggestion is that you seek professional assistance for you to learn how to handle elderly adults. I get (some) of my advice from my nurse daughter who works with dementia patients and their families. Best of luck to you.
EDIT: agree that ecotourist is spot on.
Thank you for your take.
Now the car/kids/transport episode was a completely different guy/user: PandaBear.
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Seems that you had a similar situation not too long ago regarding elderly relatives, a car, and them providing childcare services (your kids), transportation to and from school, etc.. You struggled with that situation also.
The Lone Ranger has some excellent experienced-based advice above. No offense, but you seem not to accept that many elderly people operate on a completely different brain function level than what we consider normal. You throw out the idea that he comprehends the renovation of his home "on your dime", not acknowledging that he probably does NOT make the same connection that "normal" people do. These same difficulties were apparent on your other elderly relatives/car thread.
My suggestion is that you seek professional assistance for you to learn how to handle elderly adults. I get (some) of my advice from my nurse daughter who works with dementia patients and their families. Best of luck to you.
EDIT: agree that ecotourist is spot on.
Thank you for your take.
Now the car/kids/transport episode was a completely different guy/user: PandaBear.
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Thank you for your take. Now the car/kids/transport episode was a completely different guy/user: PandaBear.
I knew that. I was just demonstrating how us old duffers do things!
My sincere apology for mixing you two up. But, he did have similar difficulties that you are experiencing. I am dealing with elderly parents. I hope you find a resolution that suits everyone.
Thank you for your take. Now the car/kids/transport episode was a completely different guy/user: PandaBear.
I knew that. I was just demonstrating how us old duffers do things!
My sincere apology for mixing you two up. But, he did have similar difficulties that you are experiencing. I am dealing with elderly parents. I hope you find a resolution that suits everyone.
ecouturist and bbhero,
long story ...
just a sample, his heart attack:
-got the attack at home
-survived
-wake up probably after 1-1.5 hour
-does not pick up fix phone or cellular to call anybody or even to get a neighbor
-walk 1 km to hospital
-collapse in front of ER
-we found out about 2 hours after since the ER personel call somebody we knew...
and yes, his apartment was grubby.
long story ...
just a sample, his heart attack:
-got the attack at home
-survived
-wake up probably after 1-1.5 hour
-does not pick up fix phone or cellular to call anybody or even to get a neighbor
-walk 1 km to hospital
-collapse in front of ER
-we found out about 2 hours after since the ER personel call somebody we knew...
and yes, his apartment was grubby.
My lady's family dealt with a slightly different yet similar circumstance with my lady's grandmother. Ms Betty did not and would not go into a facility. Her son did live with her which helped to a decent degree. However, her son did work full time at the Tim so he was not always there obviously. Ms. Betty got outside one afternoon and walked a half mile from her house. Thank goodness a person from the elementary school found her and recognized age needed help. I had a guy I used to work with at a local grocery store that did the same thing. Except Bill went out at 2-3 am and it was very cold outside 24-27°F. Next day temps for barely above freezing. I saw the story on the news and knew if he was not found before dark..... Bill would be dead by morning. They did not find him... For a long time... 2 and a half years later a hunter found Bill about a mile and a half from his house.
Anyhow.. Ms Betty did not always eat as good or as much as she should... Her son could not cook evidently to save his donkey behind. She got to where she did not drink as well too. Eventually she had a fall and broke her wrist. She bad other falls too where somehow she did not get hurt. A CNA was brought in.. her son cut work back to 3 days a week. Her son took care of her. He actually did a pretty good job all things considered. About a month and a half ago myself and my lady made a whole dinner for her and lots of company who came down to visit her... I knew by Ms Betty's presentation that she was short timing... The lack of interaction with those around her, lack of speaking, she had to have a lot of help to eat... I knew. What that meant. Guys... A person is like a car battery. Eventually the battery loses charge that is slow at first ... Then drops off precipitously. I knew that she was getting very tired. For almost all of us it is hard to understand that concept. But it is true. I had a patient who was 100 years old when I met her. At 330 in the afternoon she was up, very alert, talkative, had great insights, full of life still. It was amazing. As time went forward she stayed the same for a good while. But eventually... The signs were there. Ms H started getting tired, then at 330 she got to where she would be in bed napping, then about 4 months after that started she got to where she would not eat as well as she used to, I knew then she would be not here but so long.. Ms H stayed on and string for another 6 months... Ms H passed away the evening I was working. I swear when I had left 3 days earlier she would not be there when I got back. She was. I really believe she was waiting for me to come back there. Her and I were very close. She called me her 4th son. Quite an honor.
Getting back to my lady's grandmother's circumstance.. I knew how short a time she had left. So, 4 days later I went by my in laws and made them dinner. I gave them my thoughts on the circumstances. My father in law said, " ohh who knows she could be here another 5 years." I told him, no. She would be lucky to be here another 2-3 months. She did not even make it a month. I am so glad to have had that conversation with my in laws. It helped them wrap their arms around everything. It was a difficult conversation in a way though. I fought through tears at times explaining certain things. But I knew Ms Betty was getting ready to go.
Another member here mentioned something else that I believe could very easily be true on this circumstance... Maybe this individual just wants to live on their own terms. Even it is no where near what we may think is the best. I think that could well be true here... Makes sense to me. I've seen it. Ms Betty did that as well. She lived on her own terms and was determined to do so.
Again my friend... I think Dr. Ecotourist is exactly right on with his analysis. If you need anything let me know. I am here for you.
Anyhow.. Ms Betty did not always eat as good or as much as she should... Her son could not cook evidently to save his donkey behind. She got to where she did not drink as well too. Eventually she had a fall and broke her wrist. She bad other falls too where somehow she did not get hurt. A CNA was brought in.. her son cut work back to 3 days a week. Her son took care of her. He actually did a pretty good job all things considered. About a month and a half ago myself and my lady made a whole dinner for her and lots of company who came down to visit her... I knew by Ms Betty's presentation that she was short timing... The lack of interaction with those around her, lack of speaking, she had to have a lot of help to eat... I knew. What that meant. Guys... A person is like a car battery. Eventually the battery loses charge that is slow at first ... Then drops off precipitously. I knew that she was getting very tired. For almost all of us it is hard to understand that concept. But it is true. I had a patient who was 100 years old when I met her. At 330 in the afternoon she was up, very alert, talkative, had great insights, full of life still. It was amazing. As time went forward she stayed the same for a good while. But eventually... The signs were there. Ms H started getting tired, then at 330 she got to where she would be in bed napping, then about 4 months after that started she got to where she would not eat as well as she used to, I knew then she would be not here but so long.. Ms H stayed on and string for another 6 months... Ms H passed away the evening I was working. I swear when I had left 3 days earlier she would not be there when I got back. She was. I really believe she was waiting for me to come back there. Her and I were very close. She called me her 4th son. Quite an honor.
Getting back to my lady's grandmother's circumstance.. I knew how short a time she had left. So, 4 days later I went by my in laws and made them dinner. I gave them my thoughts on the circumstances. My father in law said, " ohh who knows she could be here another 5 years." I told him, no. She would be lucky to be here another 2-3 months. She did not even make it a month. I am so glad to have had that conversation with my in laws. It helped them wrap their arms around everything. It was a difficult conversation in a way though. I fought through tears at times explaining certain things. But I knew Ms Betty was getting ready to go.
Another member here mentioned something else that I believe could very easily be true on this circumstance... Maybe this individual just wants to live on their own terms. Even it is no where near what we may think is the best. I think that could well be true here... Makes sense to me. I've seen it. Ms Betty did that as well. She lived on her own terms and was determined to do so.
Again my friend... I think Dr. Ecotourist is exactly right on with his analysis. If you need anything let me know. I am here for you.
Very difficult to deal with, the distance makes it impossible almost. You did the right thing, but I hate to say it, the new place won't be new very long. I think the only way is what you offered, or have him move close to you.
You may think it will be impossible with him near by, but it might be better than taking planes and wondering what is going on.
You may think it will be impossible with him near by, but it might be better than taking planes and wondering what is going on.
Originally Posted By: 93cruiser
Very difficult to deal with, the distance makes it impossible almost. You did the right thing, but I hate to say it, the new place won't be new very long. I think the only way is what you offered, or have him move close to you.
You may think it will be impossible with him near by, but it might be better than taking planes and wondering what is going on.
Thank you for your thoughts.
He's swear he won't come here. Ever.
Very difficult to deal with, the distance makes it impossible almost. You did the right thing, but I hate to say it, the new place won't be new very long. I think the only way is what you offered, or have him move close to you.
You may think it will be impossible with him near by, but it might be better than taking planes and wondering what is going on.
Thank you for your thoughts.
He's swear he won't come here. Ever.
bbhero,
I'm not strange to older people/sick/bed ridden.
Dad died(57) when I was 16. I helped my mom care for him for about 4 years. The thin, yellow/earthy men in the coffin was nothing like him.
Helped my step-dad care for an uncle (86) for about 1/2 year. Former nazi camps survivor. He kept calling them.
Stepdad went at 71. his mind was gone from the hospital antibiotic-resistant infection.
My wifes grandparents went at 92 and 96.
They leave, and at some point all the bad things also leave from memory and you remember just the good/joy things...
Thank you for your caring. Thank you.
I'm not strange to older people/sick/bed ridden.
Dad died(57) when I was 16. I helped my mom care for him for about 4 years. The thin, yellow/earthy men in the coffin was nothing like him.
Helped my step-dad care for an uncle (86) for about 1/2 year. Former nazi camps survivor. He kept calling them.
Stepdad went at 71. his mind was gone from the hospital antibiotic-resistant infection.
My wifes grandparents went at 92 and 96.
They leave, and at some point all the bad things also leave from memory and you remember just the good/joy things...
Thank you for your caring. Thank you.
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Easy for me to say..you have done all you can and that is probably the right answer. Iam not in your shoes nor do can I say I would take this advice. I assume he lives outside the country?
I think you can call regularly (even though he does not answer) You might be able to find someoe locally who would simply check up on him for a very nominal fee.
Honestly not a lot of good answers. To me you have done more than most would do. You should tell yourself that and do what you can without worrying a lot or spoiling your own joy...seriously...
Good luck!
I feel for you.
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
AL,
I consider you a really level-headed guy.
MIL is gone, many years ago.
I don't want to take control of anything for or from him.
I just want for him:
-a clean/functional/functioning place to leave
-good nutrition
-to make sure he takes his medication
-to make sure he does his health checkups with the family and specialist (cardiologist)
Easy for me to say..you have done all you can and that is probably the right answer. Iam not in your shoes nor do can I say I would take this advice. I assume he lives outside the country?
I think you can call regularly (even though he does not answer) You might be able to find someoe locally who would simply check up on him for a very nominal fee.
Honestly not a lot of good answers. To me you have done more than most would do. You should tell yourself that and do what you can without worrying a lot or spoiling your own joy...seriously...
Good luck!
Originally Posted By: pandus13
bbhero,
I'm not strange to older people/sick/bed ridden.
Dad died(57) when I was 16. I helped my mom care for him for about 4 years. The thin, yellow/earthy men in the coffin was nothing like him.
Helped my step-dad care for an uncle (86) for about 1/2 year. Former nazi camps survivor. He kept calling them.
Stepdad went at 71. his mind was gone from the hospital antibiotic-resistant infection.
My wifes grandparents went at 92 and 96.
They leave, and at some point all the bad things also leave from memory and you remember just the good/joy things...
Thank you for your caring. Thank you.
*allergies*
bbhero,
I'm not strange to older people/sick/bed ridden.
Dad died(57) when I was 16. I helped my mom care for him for about 4 years. The thin, yellow/earthy men in the coffin was nothing like him.
Helped my step-dad care for an uncle (86) for about 1/2 year. Former nazi camps survivor. He kept calling them.
Stepdad went at 71. his mind was gone from the hospital antibiotic-resistant infection.
My wifes grandparents went at 92 and 96.
They leave, and at some point all the bad things also leave from memory and you remember just the good/joy things...
Thank you for your caring. Thank you.
*allergies*
JHZR2
Staff member
Seems to me like you, OP, as the in-law, can't really be involved. Won't end well. This is your wife's issue (other than that t causes you both money and stress).
Not sure how he's 5000 miles from Chicago, unless in Hawaii, south, South America, etc. Is foreign travel
Involved? Is he CONUS?
72 isn't that old. My grandfather was driving and everything right up until he passed in his 90s. People can do stuff. It's tougher to assess though if you're far away, that's for sure.
Seems to me that if there's no closer competent family, your wife will have to push that he will have to move closer to you if/when the time comes. Start reinforcing that.
To a great extent though, a 72yo is a competent adult who can make decisions. They need to be treated that way and held to that standard.
Not sure how he's 5000 miles from Chicago, unless in Hawaii, south, South America, etc. Is foreign travel
Involved? Is he CONUS?
72 isn't that old. My grandfather was driving and everything right up until he passed in his 90s. People can do stuff. It's tougher to assess though if you're far away, that's for sure.
Seems to me that if there's no closer competent family, your wife will have to push that he will have to move closer to you if/when the time comes. Start reinforcing that.
To a great extent though, a 72yo is a competent adult who can make decisions. They need to be treated that way and held to that standard.
Originally Posted By: Al
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
I am 78 years young, (I am NOT an old person!). My wife and I do quite well without anyone sticking their nose in our business. I manage our investments, (and do quite well, btw), ride my trail bike on regular 10 mile trips and am in great health, (as per my Dr.). Yes, I have had someone try to impose their will on me. My response: Butt Out! If I need any help, I will ask for it! End of story.
Old people have rights too. You and your wife have control over your family and. Your FIL and MIL have likewise control over themselves. I see no point to your question.
I am 78 years young, (I am NOT an old person!). My wife and I do quite well without anyone sticking their nose in our business. I manage our investments, (and do quite well, btw), ride my trail bike on regular 10 mile trips and am in great health, (as per my Dr.). Yes, I have had someone try to impose their will on me. My response: Butt Out! If I need any help, I will ask for it! End of story.
It's time to get some social services involved but only his children can initiate that. I've been through it myself (as the child) and it was not at all pleasant for any party involved but necessary.
Either that or wait for the report that he's broken his hip or some other problem and go from there.
Either that or wait for the report that he's broken his hip or some other problem and go from there.
An addition to my earlier comments:
Very early in my practice I had a (new to me) older patient come in for a medical; he had a history of 3 heart attacks, 2 strokes, and poorly controlled high blood pressure. Wow I thought, this guy is a walking time bomb. "So how do you feel?" I asked. "Just great!" he replied with a big smile.
I took care of him, sort of, for the whole time I was in family practice. He was poorly compliant (never really listened or did what I said), but he was still alive and still feeling great when I left family practice for specialty training 10 years later. So who can predict the outcome? Not me for sure.
When I took on a new older patient, the first thing I'd do is ask them to bring me all of their medicines. There were sometimes 2 shopping bags full, usually at least one. There were multiple prescriptions, each mostly still full, for similar conditions as well as a few random medicines for this and that. I could generally get that lot down to 1 or 2 prescriptions they really needed to take regularly, and occasionally none at all. I'd see them frequently for a while to make sure they were still fine. Sometimes we had to add something back, but usually not. The point is that many older people have been prescribed many medicines by many different physicians (and if they were taking them all they would have likely been in big trouble). But they often didn't take them. So not taking prescriptions and not following medical advice is common, more common than not, in my experience.
I could go on and on with similar experiences. The point is that people have the right to make their own decisions as long as they're not hurting anyone. It's called the "dignity of risk". And though it can be a trial for the family, in my opinion, they're best left to live the way they want.
When I get old, I will resist anyone telling me how I should live or what I should do.
Very early in my practice I had a (new to me) older patient come in for a medical; he had a history of 3 heart attacks, 2 strokes, and poorly controlled high blood pressure. Wow I thought, this guy is a walking time bomb. "So how do you feel?" I asked. "Just great!" he replied with a big smile.
I took care of him, sort of, for the whole time I was in family practice. He was poorly compliant (never really listened or did what I said), but he was still alive and still feeling great when I left family practice for specialty training 10 years later. So who can predict the outcome? Not me for sure.
When I took on a new older patient, the first thing I'd do is ask them to bring me all of their medicines. There were sometimes 2 shopping bags full, usually at least one. There were multiple prescriptions, each mostly still full, for similar conditions as well as a few random medicines for this and that. I could generally get that lot down to 1 or 2 prescriptions they really needed to take regularly, and occasionally none at all. I'd see them frequently for a while to make sure they were still fine. Sometimes we had to add something back, but usually not. The point is that many older people have been prescribed many medicines by many different physicians (and if they were taking them all they would have likely been in big trouble). But they often didn't take them. So not taking prescriptions and not following medical advice is common, more common than not, in my experience.
I could go on and on with similar experiences. The point is that people have the right to make their own decisions as long as they're not hurting anyone. It's called the "dignity of risk". And though it can be a trial for the family, in my opinion, they're best left to live the way they want.
When I get old, I will resist anyone telling me how I should live or what I should do.
Your family obviously has great love for him despite his treatment of you and your family before any humanity that know and any higher being (if you happen to believe in one). Do you really want the last years with him to be confrontational and filled with stress and anxiety for all involved?
You can't force care upon a person if they don't want it. It would be the equivalent to have a person with cleanliness OCD try to make you conform to their standards. If he doesn't want to take his meds isn't that taking away his freedom to choose or his choice to care?
He is accountable unto himself and his own actions until he is mentally/physically unfit. I would say just let him live the remainder of his days on his own terms and in his own way, that way he retains his dignity and independence. He isn't a child. He has had a lifetime of living, let him go out with his boots on.
You can't force care upon a person if they don't want it. It would be the equivalent to have a person with cleanliness OCD try to make you conform to their standards. If he doesn't want to take his meds isn't that taking away his freedom to choose or his choice to care?
He is accountable unto himself and his own actions until he is mentally/physically unfit. I would say just let him live the remainder of his days on his own terms and in his own way, that way he retains his dignity and independence. He isn't a child. He has had a lifetime of living, let him go out with his boots on.
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