Originally Posted By: Smokescreen
Originally Posted By: Cujet
Originally Posted By: fdcg27
IMO, the only reason that people divorce after many years of marriage is that something was fundamentally wrong from the start.
That's simply not so. Post menopause, 2/3 completely lose interest to the point where even simple affection is gone. The change is often dramatic and difficult for men to accept. Contrast that with the 15% of men who lose libido at the same age. As I mentioned above, late life divorce is overwhelmingly due to female behavior and the husband unwilling to accept a complete lack of affection and celibacy.
We are hormone driven creatures, when those hormones completely and totally disappear, as often happens in menopause, the result is dramatic and marriage often suffers. Female HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can change the situation, but it's not appropriate for all, and many simply have no interest in it.
Remember that healthy men lose testosterone slowly as they age, about 1% per year, and naturally higher testosterone men will still have high levels in old age. Testosterone is an amazingly powerful hormone, it's the drive behind men everywhere.
Having been in a type of leadership position to observe many couples over a period of a decade or more, I can tell you that I have yet to see a marriage that was 100% trouble free. So no, fdcg27 it isn't true. Sure there are some marriages that start off rocky and everyone can see it will be done within a decade. We are talking about a near lifetime of marriage and then calling it quits.
Despite all the love, you still have two separate humans who have a mind and will of their own, trying to make a go of things. In former days, marriage was a means of survival in a harsh world, grow a family and create industry. With society's current prosperity and law configurations, this is no longer the case.
Cujet is dead on. If you take those issues with hormones and couple it with our current societal setup, Marriage has a tough road to hoe. Women have been enabled by law to walk away from marriage at any time and stage of the marriage and actually prosper financially, the likes that have never been seen in history. This has relegated men as disposable, a paycheck. From day 1 of marriage there is the potential of total loss of ...everything for a man, and women know it and the ideas are continually being reinforced to them.
Yet, for the large part, men still seek marriage, still seek to find someone to provide for despite the huge risk.
Of course every marriage has its rocky periods. It's up to both people involved to get through them and not let pride and anger get in the way.
It's also very tempting to blame the woman and decry her as mercenary or simply uninterested in physical affection.
In a healthy marriage, neither of these are a factor.
WRT to menopause and what it brings, I've not seen any real changes.
Yes, there were a rough couple of years, but I expected them and gave my wife due care during that time.
In a healthy marriage, each must be prepared to give when needed.
You say that you were involved in what you describe as a leadership position in something involving couples, whatever that means.
That being the case, you should consider that you weren't observing couples in happy relationships but rather the reverse.
Married more than thirty four years and enjoying our now adult sons, our grandson as well as one another.
We made our sons together, and I think that has very serious meaning.
Sorry it doesn't work that way for everyone, but then we seem to live in an age of adults who are as much ruled by their momentary emotions as are children.
