Baby boomers and late life divorce

[Virtus_Probi]

Along with couples realizing they don't have much in common other than raising their kids, sounds like many of these folks are getting to an age where they may be working less or not at all. Then they have even more time to realize that they don't have any common interests. Their kids may also have less time to spend with them as they start their own families and that is a loss of a common pleasure (although having grandkids to spoil could help make up for this).

IDK, maybe some of it is people realizing they are getting towards the ends of their lives and feeling they should be able to do the things they really want to do and try to be really happy with fewer constraints?

 

[Shannow]

Something happened in the 60s and 70s, that meant that both people in a marriage spent more time with other people in high stress problem solving, team building situations.

 

[CincyDavid]

I know several long-term couple that SHOULD have gotten divorced years ago. I can't fathom why they bother staying together, aside from the fact that neither wants to leave the family home, and neither could afford it on their own. The older I get, the more I realize that "stuff" isn't very important. Beyond not wanting to be destitute, I truly have no desire to have fancy toys, and I surely don't want to share a big fancy McMansion with someone who I detest, and who detests me. Life's too short.

 

[Cujet]

Originally Posted By: bbhero
A very high percentage of men in my area who are 60 yes or older... Typically have "wives" who are 15-20 years younger than them. Quite a common phenomenon here. It is rather rare to see older men and women together.


This entire thing is quite simple. It's because there are a group of men who have decided celibacy is not for them.

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted By: CincyDavid
I know several long-term couple that SHOULD have gotten divorced years ago. I can't fathom why they bother staying together, aside from the fact that neither wants to leave the family home, and neither could afford it on their own. The older I get, the more I realize that "stuff" isn't very important. Beyond not wanting to be destitute, I truly have no desire to have fancy toys, and I surely don't want to share a big fancy McMansion with someone who I detest, and who detests me. Life's too short.


Yep, I’ve seen this hundreds of times where people want to leave but financially they can’t afford it.
Lots of episodes of the TV show ‘Forensic Files’ is because a spouse fell out of love and didn’t want a divorce and life insurance policy sure looked good.

They interviewed 1000 women, 40% of the women KNEW they were getting married to the wrong guy....
But they saw their high school girlfriends, college friends, relatives getting married and wanted a house and family by the age of _____ .

These women never really loved the guy but social , family and cultural pressure made them marry.

 

[NormanBuntz]

Of course there are numerous reasons why couples in their sixties file for divorce. But near the top is this one: men too often thinking with the wrong head.

 

[ZZman]

I have to agree with many here that people change over time. Kids leave, nothing in common. They figure life is getting too short to be unhappy.

 

[sasilverbullet]

Originally Posted By: SLO_Town

...will be getting serviced elsewhere!...Scott


? Oh, you mean she'll go to a quick-lube to get her oil changed, got it!

 

[SeaJay]

Not a new thing. Its not uncommon for retired folks that are well off enough to live separate lives choose to do so. Divorce makes that official For many folks, the finances only work if they live together.

 

[gman2304]

A big % of couples stay together 'for the kids'. When kids are gone and on their own, then comes the time to dump the loveless dead end marriage. Not a new phenomena.

 

[4WD]

Originally Posted By: gman2304
A big % of couples stay together 'for the kids'. When kids are gone and on their own, then comes the time to dump the loveless dead end marriage. Not a new phenomena.


Yep … guy at work had one son …him and the wife came home on graduation night … all dressed up and Ervin wanted to change and go out for drinks … she tossed the law office paperwork on the table instead … and none of it was in his favor …

 

[CincyDavid]

I was helping a couple move one time...we're all hanging out eating donuts, waiting for the husband to show up so we could start loading the trucks..wife comes back from the closing on the new house, says they didn't close because he didn't show up...he decided that was the perfect time to move out and shack up with his lady friend.

He was a cop, and his FIL was his boss. I have to think it was tense at the station on Monday morning.

 

[slo town]

Originally Posted By: Indydriver
Not mentioned yet but probably at the center of these breakups is the end of sexlife. Not that it’s all their fault but, menopause is devastating to many women.


OP here:

I know this is the case in each one of the divorces. In two of the marriages, the husbands haven't touched their wife in years. In the third, the wife has never liked sex.

Thanks God my wife and I still perform frequent "maintenance" on each other! Top notch service too!

Scott

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted By: 4WD
Originally Posted By: gman2304
A big % of couples stay together 'for the kids'. When kids are gone and on their own, then comes the time to dump the loveless dead end marriage. Not a new phenomena.


Yep … guy at work had one son …him and the wife came home on graduation night … all dressed up and Ervin wanted to change and go out for drinks … she tossed the law office paperwork on the table instead … and none of it was in his favor …


Yikes, how sad. Some women are very cold.

 

[Bladecutter]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Originally Posted By: 4WD
Originally Posted By: gman2304
A big % of couples stay together 'for the kids'. When kids are gone and on their own, then comes the time to dump the loveless dead end marriage. Not a new phenomena.


Yep … guy at work had one son …him and the wife came home on graduation night … all dressed up and Ervin wanted to change and go out for drinks … she tossed the law office paperwork on the table instead … and none of it was in his favor …


Yikes, how sad. Some women are very cold.

I have heard that some men have done the exact same thing.
And worse.

BC.

 

[Andrew1972]

My wife and I have 3 girls(age 4 to 12) and they take a ton of our time and energy.

I am hoping once they all vacate my wife and I progress into a relationship back to two of us. I love winter weather/sports her not so much so should be interesting where we land in terms of next home.

No expectations just hope we both are on same page.

 

[Wolf359]

Originally Posted By: CincyDavid
I was helping a couple move one time...we're all hanging out eating donuts, waiting for the husband to show up so we could start loading the trucks..wife comes back from the closing on the new house, says they didn't close because he didn't show up...he decided that was the perfect time to move out and shack up with his lady friend.

He was a cop, and his FIL was his boss. I have to think it was tense at the station on Monday morning.


That sorta happened with one of my tenants. Wife was living with the ex-husband and she bought a house. Told me she was moving but the ex wasn't coming with her. I ended up having to evict him and he died of an OD a few months later. I felt bad for his kids.

 

[fdcg27]

IMO, the only reason that people divorce after many years of marriage is that something was fundamentally wrong from the start.
One loves and cherishes one's mate and you have children and then grandchildren together as you gracefully grow old together.
We are now in our early sixties and I don't think divorce is in the outlook.
Hard to imagine striking out on one's own at this stage of the game.
And, yeah, people who are older and have been married many years still have sex and it's even better than it was when we were both thirty years younger.

 

[Cujet]

Originally Posted By: fdcg27
IMO, the only reason that people divorce after many years of marriage is that something was fundamentally wrong from the start.


That's simply not so. Post menopause, 2/3 completely lose interest to the point where even simple affection is gone. The change is often dramatic and difficult for men to accept. Contrast that with the 15% of men who lose libido at the same age. As I mentioned above, late life divorce is overwhelmingly due to female behavior and the husband unwilling to accept a complete lack of affection and celibacy.

We are hormone driven creatures, when those hormones completely and totally disappear, as often happens in menopause, the result is dramatic and marriage often suffers. Female HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can change the situation, but it's not appropriate for all, and many simply have no interest in it.

Remember that healthy men lose testosterone slowly as they age, about 1% per year, and naturally higher testosterone men will still have high levels in old age. Testosterone is an amazingly powerful hormone, it's the drive behind men everywhere.

 

[Claud]

The pre boomer generations didn't throw stuff away when it wasn't working properly, they found out what was wrong and fixed it. That was a different era, and a different moral code back then....

Claud.