When you help someone and its time to walk away
- Thread starter RazorsEdge
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Thanks for all the replies guys,it helps trust me.
Its gonna hurt so bad,I cant even explain it,but I cant help someone who wont take the first step to getting off the drugs,I cant do it anymore.
Tonight I walk away. If the phone rings,I cant answer it. I'm done
Its gonna hurt so bad,I cant even explain it,but I cant help someone who wont take the first step to getting off the drugs,I cant do it anymore.
Tonight I walk away. If the phone rings,I cant answer it. I'm done
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Have you tried having a heart to heart with her? Will she listen to how you feel with sincerity? What's her personality like?
Peek into her mind@ 13:08 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp4pEP3X_NY https://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghos...;qid=1529545250
I think the advice to walk away and you will be there when she is clean, is sound. She cannot get straightened financially while on meth. They cannot even think straight. You think you have been helping her, she has just been using you. Until her head is clear, she cannot be responsible with finances.
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
How old is she and what is her lifestyle? Is she your girlfriend?
I have two opinions on situations like this. Is it's someone who's just down on their luck (this can happen to anyone) and is honestly trying to piece their life back together deserve as much help as they can get. S*** happens and can happen to anyone,no matter who you are or where you're from.
My other opinion is for people who are just bums,moochers,sponges,and refuse to get a job. They deserve no help. Whether they're sponging off the govt or their generous stupid parents. If they refuse to work,but expect dope cigs or booze,they shouldn't be allowed to eat.
The latter is going to try as hard as they can to appear to be the former. The former will probably not ask for help but will not refuse everything, that's how you can identify them.
How old is she and what is her lifestyle? Is she your girlfriend?
I have two opinions on situations like this. Is it's someone who's just down on their luck (this can happen to anyone) and is honestly trying to piece their life back together deserve as much help as they can get. S*** happens and can happen to anyone,no matter who you are or where you're from.
My other opinion is for people who are just bums,moochers,sponges,and refuse to get a job. They deserve no help. Whether they're sponging off the govt or their generous stupid parents. If they refuse to work,but expect dope cigs or booze,they shouldn't be allowed to eat.
The latter is going to try as hard as they can to appear to be the former. The former will probably not ask for help but will not refuse everything, that's how you can identify them.
IF you want to be proactive about the situation, my opinion is that the only thing you can do is follow the advice of goodtimes and Papabear. Seek out the wisdom of experts and heed their excellent advice. That will relieve any feelings of responsibility that you indicate is tearing you up. They will address your needs about the situation and might offer a few tidbits to direct your friend to a solution. By all means, don't take anything on by yourself out of guilt or feelings of obligation. Walk away responsibly and proactively. That's ALL that you can probably do.
Best to you.
Best to you.
Originally Posted By: Skater4life27
My dad always said "you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make them drink from it."
That is my favorite saying. I have stopped helping people, its not worth it and I always get burned in the end.
I see it at work all the time. People complaining saying the part is too expensive. I can help a little bit but at some point they need to accept responsibility for their actions. I am fortunate to have a very small tight-knit group of friends who have no problem helping eachother, but we also pay eachother back. We will shun people from our group if they become a mooch.
My dad always said "you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make them drink from it."
That is my favorite saying. I have stopped helping people, its not worth it and I always get burned in the end.
I see it at work all the time. People complaining saying the part is too expensive. I can help a little bit but at some point they need to accept responsibility for their actions. I am fortunate to have a very small tight-knit group of friends who have no problem helping eachother, but we also pay eachother back. We will shun people from our group if they become a mooch.
Originally Posted By: Dallas69
Drug addicts can't be helped until they decide to get clean.
Run away fast.
This. She will take until you have nothing left to give, then move on to someone else for their "help".
Clean break - now.
Drug addicts can't be helped until they decide to get clean.
Run away fast.
This. She will take until you have nothing left to give, then move on to someone else for their "help".
Clean break - now.
Originally Posted By: RazorsEdge
Thanks for all the replies guys,it helps trust me.
Its gonna hurt so bad,I cant even explain it,but I cant help someone who wont take the first step to getting off the drugs,I cant do it anymore.
Tonight I walk away. If the phone rings,I cant answer it. I'm done
Stay strong and God Speed.
Thanks for all the replies guys,it helps trust me.
Its gonna hurt so bad,I cant even explain it,but I cant help someone who wont take the first step to getting off the drugs,I cant do it anymore.
Tonight I walk away. If the phone rings,I cant answer it. I'm done
Stay strong and God Speed.
Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
Originally Posted By: Skater4life27
My dad always said "you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make them drink from it."
That is my favorite saying. I have stopped helping people, its not worth it and I always get burned in the end.
I see it at work all the time. People complaining saying the part is too expensive. I can help a little bit but at some point they need to accept responsibility for their actions. I am fortunate to have a very small tight-knit group of friends who have no problem helping eachother, but we also pay eachother back. We will shun people from our group if they become a mooch.
Being friendly and helping people is how I make friends. You do not have to be a doormat, if you act tough that will usually filter out the people who are looking for someone with low resilience they can take advantage of.
Originally Posted By: Skater4life27
My dad always said "you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make them drink from it."
That is my favorite saying. I have stopped helping people, its not worth it and I always get burned in the end.
I see it at work all the time. People complaining saying the part is too expensive. I can help a little bit but at some point they need to accept responsibility for their actions. I am fortunate to have a very small tight-knit group of friends who have no problem helping eachother, but we also pay eachother back. We will shun people from our group if they become a mooch.
Being friendly and helping people is how I make friends. You do not have to be a doormat, if you act tough that will usually filter out the people who are looking for someone with low resilience they can take advantage of.
You can only open the door for someone. It is up to them when they are ready to walk through it. Been there and done that. Do not burn yourself out emotionally or financially. When you mix in hard drug use, there are a lot of problems that will fall on you. Walk away, I know people in this same position that have been hurt or killed when the person comes unglued.
Its a disease?? maybe, maybe not but it is also not my problem and its one that can be avoided with better life choices. There has been a lot of education in schools, tv and elsewhere over the years outlining the risks of addictions. Don't care to listen? Not my problem and don't make it mine.
Its a disease?? maybe, maybe not but it is also not my problem and its one that can be avoided with better life choices. There has been a lot of education in schools, tv and elsewhere over the years outlining the risks of addictions. Don't care to listen? Not my problem and don't make it mine.
Go to Alanon (or similar) is probably the best advice in the whole thread.
There is nothing wrong with saying to your friend that you’ll be there when she decides to get help (assuming you are willing to be).
It is helpful to remember that once you decide to give someone help, how that help is utilized is out of your control. (Never fool yourself into thinking that you can control it - for instance by putting conditions on it) The time to consider how it will be used it when you are deciding to give it or not (and in what form to give it).
There is nothing wrong with saying to your friend that you’ll be there when she decides to get help (assuming you are willing to be).
It is helpful to remember that once you decide to give someone help, how that help is utilized is out of your control. (Never fool yourself into thinking that you can control it - for instance by putting conditions on it) The time to consider how it will be used it when you are deciding to give it or not (and in what form to give it).
JHZR2
Staff member
Originally Posted By: RazorsEdge
I for the last 2-months have been helping a friend back on her feet financially and trying to get her back on her feet. Well I just have one problem and that is she does Meth.
...
It's gonna hurt like [censored] but she doesnt want treatment and I dont know what else I can do.
What is your relationship to her? How long a friend?
To say its going to hurt so bad, and youve been trying so hard makes it sound like you have some interest besides just being friends.
Not to be nosy, but if that's the case, it does indeed jade things a bit.
You have to feel sorry for these people, but they made conscious, (bad) decisions. Not a whole lot you can do about that, and paying her way may keep her out of some compromising situations, but it likely still fuels her habit.
I dont know how treatment works for that, or how successful it can be, but the best you can do is try to get her in the hands of pros...
I for the last 2-months have been helping a friend back on her feet financially and trying to get her back on her feet. Well I just have one problem and that is she does Meth.
...
It's gonna hurt like [censored] but she doesnt want treatment and I dont know what else I can do.
What is your relationship to her? How long a friend?
To say its going to hurt so bad, and youve been trying so hard makes it sound like you have some interest besides just being friends.
Not to be nosy, but if that's the case, it does indeed jade things a bit.
You have to feel sorry for these people, but they made conscious, (bad) decisions. Not a whole lot you can do about that, and paying her way may keep her out of some compromising situations, but it likely still fuels her habit.
I dont know how treatment works for that, or how successful it can be, but the best you can do is try to get her in the hands of pros...
Originally Posted By: RazorsEdge
Well folks,theres nothing in the world I love to do more,then to help someone in need. I for the last 2-months have been helping a friend back on her feet financially and trying to get her back on her feet. Well I just have one problem and that is she does Meth. Yup I've tried like [censored] to be supportive but thats something in my life I have no tolerance for.
I've been trying to help her,but she refuses to get a job. I'm just exhausted and want to walk away. It's gonna hurt like [censored] but she doesnt want treatment and I dont know what else I can do.
You are making the right choice, for both of your good. However, you need to consider the possibility you have some codependency issues of your own that will need some attention. That’s not an insult or a criticism. It’s not even an observation based on much more than a hunch. But it comes from someone who knows all about codependence and how it can negatively affect those who deal with it without ever recognizing or affirming it.
Something like Al-anon is a good place to learn about how codependency can manifest itself, so you should give some thought to that.
No matter what, you must remember this: the most dangerous thing in the world is an addiction that feels threatened. And yes, I said addiction, not addict. For whether because of the things you do to try to help her (whether ahe sees them as help or not), or because of sudden, drastic situations she encounters (arrest, car accident, etc.), once her addiction realizes it is in danger of being eliminated (even if temporarily), it will lash out and cause her to do things you never thought she would be capable of.
Insults, violence, and yes, even criminally abhirant behavior will all be on the table once she is either forced or tries to get sober. You’ll need to be orepared for that in case it happens. It’s ugly and hurtful and will make you wonder what happened to the person you knew, but that’s the death knell if any well entrenched addiction. It won’t go quietly and will look to take others with it...including you if possible.
Good luck, I wish you the best for this.
Nuke
Well folks,theres nothing in the world I love to do more,then to help someone in need. I for the last 2-months have been helping a friend back on her feet financially and trying to get her back on her feet. Well I just have one problem and that is she does Meth. Yup I've tried like [censored] to be supportive but thats something in my life I have no tolerance for.
I've been trying to help her,but she refuses to get a job. I'm just exhausted and want to walk away. It's gonna hurt like [censored] but she doesnt want treatment and I dont know what else I can do.
You are making the right choice, for both of your good. However, you need to consider the possibility you have some codependency issues of your own that will need some attention. That’s not an insult or a criticism. It’s not even an observation based on much more than a hunch. But it comes from someone who knows all about codependence and how it can negatively affect those who deal with it without ever recognizing or affirming it.
Something like Al-anon is a good place to learn about how codependency can manifest itself, so you should give some thought to that.
No matter what, you must remember this: the most dangerous thing in the world is an addiction that feels threatened. And yes, I said addiction, not addict. For whether because of the things you do to try to help her (whether ahe sees them as help or not), or because of sudden, drastic situations she encounters (arrest, car accident, etc.), once her addiction realizes it is in danger of being eliminated (even if temporarily), it will lash out and cause her to do things you never thought she would be capable of.
Insults, violence, and yes, even criminally abhirant behavior will all be on the table once she is either forced or tries to get sober. You’ll need to be orepared for that in case it happens. It’s ugly and hurtful and will make you wonder what happened to the person you knew, but that’s the death knell if any well entrenched addiction. It won’t go quietly and will look to take others with it...including you if possible.
Good luck, I wish you the best for this.
Nuke
You are a good person for doing all you can. Time to move on. No one is going to hate on you if you do
Originally Posted By: CT8
It is not a disease and a disease is caused by germ, virus etc. Drug and alcohol is an addiction caused by the substance consumed. Lack of will power or self control i the problem others wise and alky or druggie would never be able to get themselves squared away and off of the A or D.. I have know druggies and alkies for decades.
Definition of disease
1 : a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
With that definition, I think you can make a good case that it's a disease. There's heart disease, genetic disease, etc that isn't caused by germs/virus etc.
It is not a disease and a disease is caused by germ, virus etc. Drug and alcohol is an addiction caused by the substance consumed. Lack of will power or self control i the problem others wise and alky or druggie would never be able to get themselves squared away and off of the A or D.. I have know druggies and alkies for decades.
Definition of disease
1 : a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
With that definition, I think you can make a good case that it's a disease. There's heart disease, genetic disease, etc that isn't caused by germs/virus etc.
Originally Posted By: Wolf359
Originally Posted By: CT8
It is not a disease and a disease is caused by germ, virus etc. Drug and alcohol is an addiction caused by the substance consumed. Lack of will power or self control i the problem others wise and alky or druggie would never be able to get themselves squared away and off of the A or D.. I have know druggies and alkies for decades.
Definition of disease
1 : a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
With that definition, I think you can make a good case that it's a disease. There's heart disease, genetic disease, etc that isn't caused by germs/virus etc.
Stop alcohol or drug consumption and the problem stops . Th craving it still there, that is the addiction . What can you stop for the heart disease or genetic disease to end?
Originally Posted By: CT8
It is not a disease and a disease is caused by germ, virus etc. Drug and alcohol is an addiction caused by the substance consumed. Lack of will power or self control i the problem others wise and alky or druggie would never be able to get themselves squared away and off of the A or D.. I have know druggies and alkies for decades.
Definition of disease
1 : a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
With that definition, I think you can make a good case that it's a disease. There's heart disease, genetic disease, etc that isn't caused by germs/virus etc.
Stop alcohol or drug consumption and the problem stops . Th craving it still there, that is the addiction . What can you stop for the heart disease or genetic disease to end?
Originally Posted By: CT8
Originally Posted By: Wolf359
Originally Posted By: CT8
It is not a disease and a disease is caused by germ, virus etc. Drug and alcohol is an addiction caused by the substance consumed. Lack of will power or self control i the problem others wise and alky or druggie would never be able to get themselves squared away and off of the A or D.. I have know druggies and alkies for decades.
Definition of disease
1 : a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
With that definition, I think you can make a good case that it's a disease. There's heart disease, genetic disease, etc that isn't caused by germs/virus etc.
Stop alcohol or drug consumption and the problem stops . Th craving it still there, that is the addiction . What can you stop for the heart disease or genetic disease to end?
Well for heart disease, about 50% of the population is obese so that'd be the same thing. Stop eating so much and stop eating certain foods. Lots of lung disease is from smoking. Stop smoking. They're still called diseases.
Originally Posted By: Wolf359
Originally Posted By: CT8
It is not a disease and a disease is caused by germ, virus etc. Drug and alcohol is an addiction caused by the substance consumed. Lack of will power or self control i the problem others wise and alky or druggie would never be able to get themselves squared away and off of the A or D.. I have know druggies and alkies for decades.
Definition of disease
1 : a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
With that definition, I think you can make a good case that it's a disease. There's heart disease, genetic disease, etc that isn't caused by germs/virus etc.
Stop alcohol or drug consumption and the problem stops . Th craving it still there, that is the addiction . What can you stop for the heart disease or genetic disease to end?
Well for heart disease, about 50% of the population is obese so that'd be the same thing. Stop eating so much and stop eating certain foods. Lots of lung disease is from smoking. Stop smoking. They're still called diseases.
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