I remember reading your posts on this matter in the past and I remember how much it affected you. Sometimes its best for us in the peanut gallery to not comment and to allow time to heal.
Perhaps it would be helpful for you both to have this meeting. You could probably delay it until the statue of limitations has run out but it might be better for the both of you to meet and talk things over.
Id advise consulting a lawyer or union rep before doing it but it would seem that if you didnt admit liability or guilt that you wouldnt have any problems.
Perhaps Im a dreamer but Im guessing that the mother wants to look you in the eye and take your measure and perhaps even apologize. If shes out to score evidence against you then it will be pretty obvious.
Avoid the words, Im sorry and other obvious admissions of guilt and you should be fine. There are ways to convey your feelings while being careful.
If you say, Im sorry that I killed your son then thats something that could look bad if a lawyer twisted it in a lawsuit. If you say, your son was a fine young man who had a bad day and it would have been better for all of us if he decided to go to a movie instead of turning towards violence then youve shown that you care without admitting guilt.
I would jokingly mention that you had apprehensions about the meeting and some of your friends were worried that she might be wearing a wire and then casually ask, "you arent wearing a wire are you?" with a polite chuckle.
Most states have laws regarding surreptitious conversations and require the consent of both parties and are protected under privacy laws. There are instances where taped conversations have been allowed in lawsuits even without the consent of both parties but it would look really bad for someone to tape the conversation privately and start out by lying about doing so.
Most likely the mother has some issues to work through to clear the air. She may want to hear your version of what happened as painful as it may be.
Dont use the words, Im sorry. Dont admit guilt. And be matter of fact with the events. Dont admit that you feel things could have turned out differently or there was any other logical choice for what happened. Dont dwell in what ifs. Explain what happened like Joe Friday ... just the facts. Explain that you feel its tragic and you hated that it turned out like it did because you would rather the event had not happened and that her son would be alive talking to her instead of you.
Its ok to be sad. Its not ok to admit guilt. No court or jury will punish you for being sad that a son isnt around to hug his mother.
You can say over and over and over. Im sad your son isnt alive today. Im sad that your son isnt talking to you instead of me. Im sad that you feel such a huge loss in your life. Showing concern, grief, and compassion will be good for the both of you.
Avoid saying, I would have dont things differently and all variants of this kind of statement. Avoid saying, Im sorry I killed your son.
You can say a lot without putting bullets in the lawyers guns.
If at anytime you feel that the meeting is an attempt to build evidence for a lawsuit then politely end the meeting. Arrange for a friend to call you on a cell phone every couple of minutes with the phone on vibrate. If the meeting isnt going to your expectations then pull the phone out of your pocket and take the call and find a reason to excuse yourself. You seem smart enough to know if somebody is fishing for evidence rather than showing concern about what happened.
What happened is an honest question. Could you have done things differently is a question best answered with the answer I cant change the past. If the mother keeps hounding on the different issue then alarms go off and you need an exit strategy.
Finally, take some time to speak with a legal professional about some of these issues before you proceed and there should be a district attorney that would be glad to sit down with you for a meeting and help you for free. DA's ask a lot of cops and they should be glad to return a favor for the price of buying them lunch and give you some good advice.
The best advice is to only do what you feel comfortable doing. If you feel uncomfortable meeting the mother then dont do it. You dont owe her a meeting. If the meeting starts and you dont feel comfortable then leave. Any time the prickles on the back of your neck start rising then its your subconscious telling you something is wrong and be careful. And thats when you can leave. You are doing a favor in granting the interview and its not your responsibility to be a host with politeness and charm. If the meeting goes south then exit stage left and let it be. You can contact the mother again after the statute of limitations has run out and then complete the interview at that time if you so desire.
Best of Luck to you,
Thank you for the million times you did protect and serve without issue.
Happy Motoring to You,
Bugshu
Perhaps it would be helpful for you both to have this meeting. You could probably delay it until the statue of limitations has run out but it might be better for the both of you to meet and talk things over.
Id advise consulting a lawyer or union rep before doing it but it would seem that if you didnt admit liability or guilt that you wouldnt have any problems.
Perhaps Im a dreamer but Im guessing that the mother wants to look you in the eye and take your measure and perhaps even apologize. If shes out to score evidence against you then it will be pretty obvious.
Avoid the words, Im sorry and other obvious admissions of guilt and you should be fine. There are ways to convey your feelings while being careful.
If you say, Im sorry that I killed your son then thats something that could look bad if a lawyer twisted it in a lawsuit. If you say, your son was a fine young man who had a bad day and it would have been better for all of us if he decided to go to a movie instead of turning towards violence then youve shown that you care without admitting guilt.
I would jokingly mention that you had apprehensions about the meeting and some of your friends were worried that she might be wearing a wire and then casually ask, "you arent wearing a wire are you?" with a polite chuckle.
Most states have laws regarding surreptitious conversations and require the consent of both parties and are protected under privacy laws. There are instances where taped conversations have been allowed in lawsuits even without the consent of both parties but it would look really bad for someone to tape the conversation privately and start out by lying about doing so.
Most likely the mother has some issues to work through to clear the air. She may want to hear your version of what happened as painful as it may be.
Dont use the words, Im sorry. Dont admit guilt. And be matter of fact with the events. Dont admit that you feel things could have turned out differently or there was any other logical choice for what happened. Dont dwell in what ifs. Explain what happened like Joe Friday ... just the facts. Explain that you feel its tragic and you hated that it turned out like it did because you would rather the event had not happened and that her son would be alive talking to her instead of you.
Its ok to be sad. Its not ok to admit guilt. No court or jury will punish you for being sad that a son isnt around to hug his mother.
You can say over and over and over. Im sad your son isnt alive today. Im sad that your son isnt talking to you instead of me. Im sad that you feel such a huge loss in your life. Showing concern, grief, and compassion will be good for the both of you.
Avoid saying, I would have dont things differently and all variants of this kind of statement. Avoid saying, Im sorry I killed your son.
You can say a lot without putting bullets in the lawyers guns.
If at anytime you feel that the meeting is an attempt to build evidence for a lawsuit then politely end the meeting. Arrange for a friend to call you on a cell phone every couple of minutes with the phone on vibrate. If the meeting isnt going to your expectations then pull the phone out of your pocket and take the call and find a reason to excuse yourself. You seem smart enough to know if somebody is fishing for evidence rather than showing concern about what happened.
What happened is an honest question. Could you have done things differently is a question best answered with the answer I cant change the past. If the mother keeps hounding on the different issue then alarms go off and you need an exit strategy.
Finally, take some time to speak with a legal professional about some of these issues before you proceed and there should be a district attorney that would be glad to sit down with you for a meeting and help you for free. DA's ask a lot of cops and they should be glad to return a favor for the price of buying them lunch and give you some good advice.
The best advice is to only do what you feel comfortable doing. If you feel uncomfortable meeting the mother then dont do it. You dont owe her a meeting. If the meeting starts and you dont feel comfortable then leave. Any time the prickles on the back of your neck start rising then its your subconscious telling you something is wrong and be careful. And thats when you can leave. You are doing a favor in granting the interview and its not your responsibility to be a host with politeness and charm. If the meeting goes south then exit stage left and let it be. You can contact the mother again after the statute of limitations has run out and then complete the interview at that time if you so desire.
Best of Luck to you,
Thank you for the million times you did protect and serve without issue.
Happy Motoring to You,
Bugshu
