Getting married; where to live?

[TimeFlies]

Maybe it's unwise to ask strangers for advice, but here goes.
Yesterday my girlfriend asked me to marry her, I said yes.
She lives at home with her mom and siblings, dad died this summer of a heart attack.
She already spends a lot of time at my place, where I live with my grandmother.
Should I officially ask her if she wants to move in, or just let it progress on its own? We've been together 3.5 years, she is 23 years old, and slowly over time she has moved several items to my house, and sleeps over more and more, to the point where she already sleeps over more than she sleeps at her family's house.
Do I ask her to make it an official move in, or since it has worked as is, just let her do whatever she wants.
More than anything, I don't want her to feel that she isn't welcome to move in and call this her home.
Grandmother and girlfriend get along great, and love each other.
Sure I had other girlfriends in the past, but not that I would ever consider asking to move in, or I loved deeply, and just appreciate their company. When she isn't around I miss her, and we have a lot in common. My last girlfriend who was older than me, was immature. At 23, she is very mature, not into the bar scene, no drug use, doesn't smoke, maybe a drink or two per week, full time job.

 

[KGMtech]

We may not be strangers, but this is a forum for people with OCD on oil and filters and other aspects of care of personal owned equipment....so the insights might be biased.

Does she come from a good family with a solid reputation? sort of like knowing who made your oil or filter?
Does she have any warning lights on the dash? same comparison to cars.
Does she self align? or do you have to correct the steering all the time?
Is her frame straight with no hidden damage?
Is she completely metric? as a Canadian this is important.
Lastly, will she last way longer than the payments?

Just remember, you asked.

 

[SC Maintenance]

Do you own your own place, or is it a rental? I ask because you might be assuming she is moving in, and she might be assuming your getting your own new place?

I don't know the right answer, but i presume since she asked you to marry her, she might let you know the plan on this one as well if you give it time.

 

[Graham Piccinini]

Seems like she gave you plenty of hints, and is waiting for you to step forward officially.

 

[Eddie]

You need to ask yourself this question. Is she moving in to escape a bad situation at home as the only reason? Been there and got burned badly both mentally and finanicially.

 

[TimeFlies]

We may not be strangers, but this is a forum for people with OCD on oil and filters and other aspects of care of personal owned equipment....so the insights might be biased.

Does she come from a good family with a solid reputation? sort of like knowing who made your oil or filter?
Does she have any warning lights on the dash? same comparison to cars.
Does she self align? or do you have to correct the steering all the time?
Is her frame straight with no hidden damage?
Is she completely metric? as a Canadian this is important.
Lastly, will she last way longer than the payments?

Just remember, you asked.

Mechanically sound, no rattles, all metric, good background.

 

[TimeFlies]

Do you own your own place, or is it a rental? I ask because you might be assuming she is moving in, and she might be assuming your getting your own new place?

I don't know the right answer, but i presume since she asked you to marry her, she might let you know the plan on this one as well if you give it time.

The Royal Bank owns my home, but if I keep making my mortgage payments, choose to let me stay.

She knows my long term plan is to stay in this house till I'm old, and my grandmother is a part of the deal, she will be here until her last breath.

 

[Vercingetorix]

What oil does she put in her car? Her answer will determine your answer.

 

[dumkid]

Just ask her if she wants to move in permanently? It doesn't seem that hard.

 

[TimeFlies]

You need to ask yourself this question. Is she moving in to escape a bad situation at home as the only reason? Been there and got burned badly both mentally and finanicially.

Absolutely not, she is close to her mother and siblings, they have a good house, I like her family to. Even right now, she went home to visit with them for a while, when she left said she would be gone about 3 hours, and come back.
That home is filled with love.

 

[TimeFlies]

Seems like she gave you plenty of hints, and is waiting for you to step forward officially.

Thanks.
I wasn't sure, I'm not experienced at really deep relationships.

 

[TimeFlies]

What oil does she put in her car? Her answer will determine your answer.

Right now it has Quaker State 0W30 in it, we changed the oil together last week.

 

[Sequoiasoon]

Right now it has Quaker State 0W30 in it, we changed the oil together last week.

Well there you go, if the relationship can handle that all is well......unless she starts to tell you YOUR OCI is wrong and you should change viscosity and filter brand.

Next she will get her own BITOG user name and start posting.

It appears that she knows what she wants or she wouldn't have asked you and you must also or wouldn't have said yes. That final step is a big commitment and needs constant communication and work, no hiding, it won't help later. That goes for money, kids, retirement, career goals, family time, chore and expense sharing and expectations.

Sit down, think of your questions and answers on that. Don't ask the questions that you really don't want to know the answer to if it will affect you.

We both wanted my wife to stay home to raise the kids and she did for many years. I fell my kids are a lot better "balanced" and focused than many people I meet. my 20 YO daughter can't believe how lost so many of her college friends and roommates are and unprepared for life on their own. My 23 YO son is engaged (23 YO fiancé), they have been together for like 6-7 years. She is finishing her teaching degree (masters) and working as a teacher currently. He is in Physicians Assistant school. They both have similar goals, plans and discuss everything.

I asked my wife if I was the only 1 she had ever been with, she said yes, the rest had been 9's and 10's.

 

[Chris142]

Pics of girl are needed to determine where you should live.

 

[Skippy722]

My wife and I started dating when she was 17 and I was 20. She was 18 and I was almost 21 when I bought a house and we moved in together, had a kid about 6 months after that and got married 6 months after he was born. 7 years and 3 more kids later she’s still my favorite person and wouldn’t change a thing.

 

[doitmyself]

I and my wife of 46 years were together about 5 years before we got married. Based on my experience, my opinion is that even with several years of being together, you still don't really know them that well. It took me/us many years to develop into that unconditional love stage (a foreign concept in my upbringing). Before that, I think we both had some hidden characteristic neither knew about each other. I think that in the "being together" stage many people don't show their true inner selves, maybe for fear of losing the other person?

Most, if not all of us have faults. Staying married means learning to accept and live with each other's faults through thick and thin (not abuse and similar things).

Sequoiasoon stated "That final step is a big commitment and needs constant communication and work, no hiding, it won't help later. That goes for money, kids, retirement, career goals, family time, chore and expense sharing and expectations." Delve into these topics now and make sure you are on similar pages.

That you are asking us advice on this is a bit of a red flag on your part regarding how well you think you know your potential lifetime mate. But kudos for reaching out for advice, hopefully with the idea of growing better based on other's experiences.

 

[Passport1]

Getting married; where to live?​

apart

 

[tbm5690]

Staying married means learning to accept and live with each other's faults through thick and thin

Good job keeping this thread pertinent to BITOG

 

[WeyounDS9]

Maybe it's unwise to ask strangers for advice, but here goes.
Yesterday my girlfriend asked me to marry her, I said yes.
She lives at home with her mom and siblings, dad died this summer of a heart attack.
She already spends a lot of time at my place, where I live with my grandmother.
Should I officially ask her if she wants to move in, or just let it progress on its own? We've been together 3.5 years, she is 23 years old, and slowly over time she has moved several items to my house, and sleeps over more and more, to the point where she already sleeps over more than she sleeps at her family's house.
Do I ask her to make it an official move in, or since it has worked as is, just let her do whatever she wants.
More than anything, I don't want her to feel that she isn't welcome to move in and call this her home.
Grandmother and girlfriend get along great, and love each other.
Sure I had other girlfriends in the past, but not that I would ever consider asking to move in, or I loved deeply, and just appreciate their company. When she isn't around I miss her, and we have a lot in common. My last girlfriend who was older than me, was immature. At 23, she is very mature, not into the bar scene, no drug use, doesn't smoke, maybe a drink or two per week, full time job.

Have her move in officially.
Better for both of you.

 

[Shel_B]

Getting married; where to live?
apart

Before meeting me, Sweetie was in a twelve-year relationship. The fellow, when asked to what he attributed their longevity, replied "Separate bathrooms."

After being together for about the same number of years, I was asked the same question. My response: "Separate houses."

It worked for us.