My friend used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey. It was a rough couple of years but he turned himself around…
Stupidest jokes - Please contribute
- Thread starter vavavroom
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- 1,237
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator
With a cowculator
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
A stick.
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
GON
$100 Site Donor 2024
Three guys walked into a bar.... one ducked.... 
A baby seal walked into a club....
What did the zero (#0) say to the eight (#8)? Nice belt!
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "Wow, that's a beauty! where'd you get him?"
Africa, they're all over the place!
The bartender says, "Wow, that's a beauty! where'd you get him?"
Africa, they're all over the place!
Why did the three wisemen smell like smoke?
They came from afar
They came from afar
I remembered this one when I was reading through 'Do you get used to hot weather?'
What's the temperature inside a tauntaun?
Lukewarm.
What's the temperature inside a tauntaun?
Lukewarm.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2019
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My ex-girlfriend asked me if she was the only one I've ever been with. I told her yes, and that the others were nines and tens. And that's how she became my ex-girlfriend.
Similar:
Johnny was a Chemist's son, but Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O, was H2SO4....
What is a seal's least favorite drink? Canadian Club, on the rocks.
Bob: My buggie has no nose.
Doug: How’s he smell?
Bob: Terrible.
Doug: How’s he smell?
Bob: Terrible.
When my wife is upset I let her color my tattoos. She just needs a shoulder to crayon.
Sorry, not getting it. Please explain.
Shel_B
Site Donor 2023
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- 5,167
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. After a moment he hears, in a small voice, "Nice sport jacket." The guy looks around, sees no one there, shrugs his shoulders, and continues sipping his beer.
Another moment passes and he hears, in the same small voice, "Nice tie." Again he looks around, sees no one there, shrugs, and continues drinking.
After a while, he hears the voice again, "Nice cuff links." This time he calls for the bartender and explains what's been happening.
"Oh," the bartender says, "that's the peanuts, they're complimentary."
Another moment passes and he hears, in the same small voice, "Nice tie." Again he looks around, sees no one there, shrugs, and continues drinking.
After a while, he hears the voice again, "Nice cuff links." This time he calls for the bartender and explains what's been happening.
"Oh," the bartender says, "that's the peanuts, they're complimentary."
Shel_B
Site Donor 2023
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2020
- Messages
- 5,167
The State Grill and Bar is one of the top dining destinations in Midtown Manhattan. It's located on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building.
One evening, a mild-mannered gentleman takes a seat at the bar, orders a vodka martini, drinks it down, and orders two more in succession, at which point he strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting next to him.
"You know," he says, "the air currents up here are amazing. If you were to step off the observation platform, the wind would hold you aloft." The other guy was rightly skeptical and clearly expressed his doubts.
The mild-mannered gentleman responded by offering to prove it. He walked to the edge of the platform and just hovered for a moment before reaching back and pulling himself inside. "There, why don't you try it yourself."
Cautiously, the second guy went out to the platform and stepped off. He fell straight down like a rock before splattering on the sidewalk below.
The bartender approached the mild-mannered gentleman and said, "You know, you're a mean drunk, Superman."
One evening, a mild-mannered gentleman takes a seat at the bar, orders a vodka martini, drinks it down, and orders two more in succession, at which point he strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting next to him.
"You know," he says, "the air currents up here are amazing. If you were to step off the observation platform, the wind would hold you aloft." The other guy was rightly skeptical and clearly expressed his doubts.
The mild-mannered gentleman responded by offering to prove it. He walked to the edge of the platform and just hovered for a moment before reaching back and pulling himself inside. "There, why don't you try it yourself."
Cautiously, the second guy went out to the platform and stepped off. He fell straight down like a rock before splattering on the sidewalk below.
The bartender approached the mild-mannered gentleman and said, "You know, you're a mean drunk, Superman."
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