My BMW DOES have an oil dipstick!

I don't know, and the owner's

Check after 15 minutes and 30 seconds. ;) Just check it cold.
The proper way to determine the correct level with the dip stick is to first check with the IDrive system after warming the car up thoroughly. Determine the level in IDrive, then shut off the engine, and measure it immediately and ever minute out to about 15 minutes. Determine at which times the level coincided with the IDrive reading and there you have the appropriate time to check after shut down.

You could also check it while running and see how closely it matches the IDrive. But generally on a wet sump engine it will read too low.
Dry sump engines like on Ferraris are always measured while the engine is running. New owners of Ferraris often will check when the engine is shut down and end up way over filling by three quarts or more, and this causes massive problems with oil flooding the intake system and creating a giant mess.
 
The proper way to determine the correct level with the dip stick is to first check with the IDrive system after warming the car up thoroughly. Determine the level in IDrive, then shut off the engine, and measure it immediately and ever minute out to about 15 minutes. Determine at which times the level coincided with the IDrive reading and there you have the appropriate time to check after shut down.

You could also check it while running and see how closely it matches the IDrive. But generally on a wet sump engine it will read too low.
Dry sump engines like on Ferraris are always measured while the engine is running. New owners of Ferraris often will check when the engine is shut down and end up way over filling by three quarts or more, and this causes massive problems with oil flooding the intake system and creating a giant mess.
Oh my Force.
 
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