Cranky In Traffic

Pablo

Pablo

Joined
Oct 28, 2002
Messages
60,041
Location
Everson WA - Pacific NW USA
I have a friend who is generally very easy going. Mellow. Nice guy. Not too many worries in the world.

But get stuck in traffic, construction congestion, waiting and he gets a little nuts. To the point of anger and making poor decisions. His wife says there have been two very close calls that she knows of.

He needs help and actually admits to it. But I can't find much online.

There is this:

topdriver.com

10 Tips for Dealing with Heavy Traffic | Top Driver Blog

It's frustrating to get stuck in a massive traffic jam and driving in traffic can also be dangerous. Here are 10 tips for dealing with heavy traffic.
topdriver.com topdriver.com

"
  1. Stay Cool

The worst thing you can do while driving in traffic is lose your patience and get angry. Getting angry on the road can lead to aggressive and irresponsible driving, putting everyone on the road in danger.





Some tips for keeping yourself calm could include:


  • Listen to music you like
  • Have an audiobook playing
  • Listen to a podcast that calms you down
  • Take 3 deep breaths

Realizing the road is a public good – it was made for everyone – can also help you stay a little more calm."

Seems like the last line is not much help and the others are for being alone in the car.

Anyway looking for suggestions. Any ideas? Please no jokes in this one. Pretty serious.
 
Podcast works for me, because it helps take your mind off the traffic which you can do nothing about. With that said, most of the angst people get in traffic is from being late. It is hard to do, but I've learned to try and give myself plenty of extra time when I need to get somewhere. Whenever I have a doctor appointment or a work function where I know there will be traffic, I give myself enough time that I know I'll arrive early, and then if I am early I can respond to work e-mails, check BITOG, etc instead of having anxiety about being late.

Perfect example is right now. It is currently 8:15am, and I have a meeting at 8:30am, but left early this morning due to it being the start of the semester and knowing there would be quite a bit of traffic.
 
Tachyon said:
Your friend needs a place to vent his frustration and anger, and he's doing that in traffic. He needs to do it somewhere else, so he's calm behind the wheel. I bet he's keeping it all bottled up until he gets in the driver's seat. 😔
Click to expand...
This is probably a large part of it. Even if he only has a few aggravations, they all well up when trapped in traffic - vs venting or resolving properly.
 
jeepman3071 said:
Podcast works for me, because it helps take your mind off the traffic which you can do nothing about. With that said, most of the angst people get in traffic is from being late. It is hard to do, but I've learned to try and give myself plenty of extra time when I need to get somewhere. Whenever I have a doctor appointment or a work function where I know there will be traffic, I give myself enough time that I know I'll arrive early, and then if I am early I can respond to work e-mails, check BITOG, etc instead of having anxiety about being late.

Perfect example is right now. It is currently 8:15am, and I have a meeting at 8:30am, but left early this morning due to it being the start of the semester and knowing there would be quite a bit of traffic.
Click to expand...
Even if there is no rush, no time line. Same anger.

But still yes, something like just getting to HD or Lowe's is typical and the trip time goes way up, way way up.
 
jeepman3071 said:
Podcast works for me, because it helps take your mind off the traffic which you can do nothing about. With that said, most of the angst people get in traffic is from being late. It is hard to do, but I've learned to try and give myself plenty of extra time when I need to get somewhere. Whenever I have a doctor appointment or a work function where I know there will be traffic, I give myself enough time that I know I'll arrive early, and then if I am early I can respond to work e-mails, check BITOG, etc instead of having anxiety about being late.

Perfect example is right now. It is currently 8:15am, and I have a meeting at 8:30am, but left early this morning due to it being the start of the semester and knowing there would be quite a bit of traffic.
Click to expand...

I just learned of a podcast where the episodes are 12 hours of various kinds of noises with specific intentions, white noise, purple noise, rain, etc, etc.

12hoursoundmachines.com

12 Hour Sound Machines Podcast

Hi, I’m Brandon 👋, a perpetually tired dad of two young boys. When our first son was born, my wife and I were desperate to find a solution to get him sleeping through the night. I couldn’t find any high-quality sounds that were long enough and that were free of interruptions, loops, or fading in...
12hoursoundmachines.com 12hoursoundmachines.com

Between that and Apple Music's Sleep Station, it helps on those nights that I can't shut my brain off.

If you read through the episode index, you can see what the specific noise is trying to accomplish.
 
Pablo said:
This is probably a large part of it. Even if he only has a few aggravations, they all well up when trapped in traffic - vs venting or resolving properly.
Click to expand...
It can be a hard thing to deal with, especially if it is not something he is used to dealing with. I went from having a short commute to work a few years ago, to a longer commute with traffic. It was a difficult adjustment at first, especially because the traffic was variable depending on the day, and how many accidents happened in the city. I'm so glad I don't have that commute anymore, because the most frustrating part was it could take me anywhere from 35 minutes to an hour and a half to get home, just because of traffic.
 
It's next to impossible to change another person. That's the challenge you need to investigate. Our arm chair quarter backing is just that. Sorry. Good luck.
 
doitmyself said:
It's next to impossible to change another person. That's the challenge you need to investigate. Our arm chair quarter backing is just that. Sorry. Good luck.
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I agree completely with you that you cannot force a person to change. Change has to be wanted from within.

In this case, Pablo stated that the guy understands this is a problem and needs to do something. Pablo is looking for tools that may be able to help.

It's still on the friend to do the work.
 
I used to get really angry in traffic. I realized that the only thing I was actually doing was shortening my life. What can I do about the traffic if I'm not causing it? Nothing. I can either find an alternate route (which has resulted in plenty of fun over the years) or just sit back, jam out, and wait for the traffic to subside.
 
I tell myself to calm down because if I do something stupid it will cause me more than the 5/10/15 minutes the traffic will add on, then I light another cigarette :)

EDIT: Plus I don't want to see myself on a youtube dashcam video :ROFLMAO:
 
I'm no doctor and dont even want to pretend to be one but a lot of this sounds like ADHD. I have several family members and coworkers with it and riding with them as a passenger will make you rip your hair out.

A little too much traffic, or some construction slowdowns, or a few too many stoplights and the huffing and puffing starts, they start yelling at the lights or loudly yelling "COME ON LETS GO" with plenty of expletives and pounding on the steering wheel, start darting in and out of open spots between cars just to get 10 feet ahead, constantly fiddling with the stereo switching stations or starting new songs 20 seconds after the last one started, and on and on. Just slowly creeping along 5-6 mph until traffic clears, absolutely kills them, they cant handle it. Not enough stimulation, so they create their own and not in a good way.

Just my opinion based on my anecdotal experiences. I'm absolutely not a doctor.
 
RedSpider said:
I'm no doctor and dont even want to pretend to be one but a lot of this sounds like ADHD. I have several family members and coworkers with it and riding with them as a passenger will make you rip your hair out.

A little too much traffic, or some construction slowdowns, or a few too many stoplights and the huffing and puffing starts, they start yelling at the lights or loudly yelling "COME ON LETS GO" with plenty of expletives and pounding on the steering wheel, start darting in and out of open spots between cars just to get 10 feet ahead, constantly fiddling with the stereo switching stations or starting new songs 20 seconds after the last one started, and on and on. Just slowly creeping along 5-6 mph until traffic clears, absolutely kills them, they cant handle it. Not enough stimulation, so they create their own and not in a good way.

Just my opinion based on my anecdotal experiences. I'm absolutely not a doctor.
Click to expand...
That actually sounds REALLY BAD.
 
Does your friend think he knows why he reacts the way he does? If so, the approach to fix it should be fairly logical. Otherwise, a chat with a psychologist would be a good first step.
 
fsdork said:
Does your friend think he knows why he reacts the way he does? If so, the approach to fix it should be fairly logical. Otherwise, a chat with a psychologist would be a good first step.
Click to expand...
Not that I know of but I suspect a couple things. First is maybe he used to running a company, now retired and doesn't channel it quite right. Again it's not as nasty as the @RedSpider guy's case AND he is not some fully type A guy. He doesn't dominate or try when we play games, he is 1000% nice to friends and family. At stores and restaurants, really pleasant and cordial. It's just traffic brings up something in him, like being trapped.

I get a feeling like that myself in tight horizontal places, sometimes under cars! But with me, it's more panic than anger - but hard to control!
 
Get him interested in this forum, he can access it on his cell phone, the time stuck in traffic will go really fast sometimes too fast trying to dictate to Siri what he wants to post and can vent his anger all at the same time! ;)
 
First off, I wholeheartedly agree with above well stated posts that no one can control someone else. This being said, I participate in other activities (NOT while driving), that absolutely require 100% concentration, which clears your mind and I thus find stress relieving, such as motorcycle riding, going to a range and shooting (killing paper), and rappelling. These may not work for your friend, but he needs to find something that DOES work for him to relieve stress.
It can happen, (and does), that road rage can get people killed; (NOT GOOD). It sounds to me as if your friend needs to vent somewhere. I wish you and him well. :)
 
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