Getting over lost pets

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: simple_gifts
We always had cats growing up and they are an important seasoning to life, so I feel your pain.

On a side note to add to 440Magnum's comments, a pregnant woman and cat litter is definitely a bad mix. maybe I'm mentioning something most people know.... but I thought I would chime in before I forget.

http://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/pregnant.htm



Yeah we are well aware of this, so took steps upon her getting pregnant to isolate and prevent contact.

 

[JHZR2]

Does anyone ever have doubts on their actions after loosing their pet?

The full story I didnt add on page 1:

Our seemingly perfectly healthy 8 y.o. female cat Pewter woke us around 5am with a howl that was unlike what she has ever made before. Her rear legs were sprawled and it looked like she had dragged herself along the carpet on her belly.

We had no clue, and thought she had fallen, jumped funny, or maybe was constipated or had a bladder infection that put her in pain. Took her to the emergency vet.

They took her temperature rectally and it was around 97F. They diagnosed the thrombosis, and apparently recovery rates are substantially reduced below 98.9F or some temperature like that. Because of the poor quality of life IF it was treated, and likelihood of recurrence, coupled with the low body temperature, they recommended sedation and putting her to sleep.

She stuck her paw from the cage where they had put her to let the pain meds and light seditives kick in. Whether it was communication asking us for help, telling us that she loved us or what, I dont know. She never really liked her paws touched, and in this case, she put them out to us. We held and pet her as they injected her with the final medication.

I have such a heavy heart. Were her hind quarters really that cold? While the temperature was taken rectally, it wa a cool morning, like 50F, and the car was obviously cold when we got in. We wrapped her in two towels, but she shifter around a lot when I was holding her, so her rear quarters and legs did become exposed (I didnt think anything of it at the time). Would that have made her colder, especially if lower body blood flow was reduced? Should we have put her on aspirin and heparin and given her at least a few hours with us? At least time for an ECG or ultrasound? Made a more informed decision? The statistics never seemed in our favor, but to have a few more hours, I dont know, might that have been the less humane route? Might we have had a chance?

Also this last summer we had her on a car trip and she was in the cat carrier. It was hot in the car, and she did start panting audibly. We were worried and looked up about what to do, and they said it could be due to heat OR a cardiac issue. Could this have been our sign? She literally had covered thousands of miles with us and was a good travel companion (we would take her on a 2-3 hour drive to see my parents for the weekend or a holiday, we didnt take her cross country or anything like that). She had never acted like this before, and never did again. But was it a sign? Did we disregard panting on a hot day that was really the sign of something else? It makes me feel that we were bad owners.

There is a huge gaping hole in my chest, and I dont think Ill ever find a cat like her again. It was little things that she did (intelligence, "quirks", etc). She was also my first. It just plain hurts.

 

[Benzadmiral]

Doubts . . . In the case of the big red Maine-Coon fellow, no; I'd gotten him through fatty liver trouble and then two years of diabetes injections (he was fine with it, though I was positive he wouldn't be). But then they diagnosed him with cancer, and he stopped eating, something I thought I'd never see. They told me there were experimental treatments, but said treatments would probably leave him blind, and wouldn't extend his life very much. That was no life for a cat who thought he should have been a bobcat. So I'm sure I made the right choice at the right time.

With Tatiana, I didn't stay while the emergency vet looked at her. I know, I know. But I dashed home, gobbled some breakfast, and dashed back. When I got back, though, they told me she had passed away. To this day I curse myself for not being there when she went into the Long Sleep. I hope she was unconscious and didn't feel any pain or loneliness. She was one of the two smartest cats I've ever known.

 

[Whitewolf]

Easy to say I know but you have to try to stop the what if and focus on the memories good or bad of what she did during her life.

 

[JHZR2]

Yeah. Everything I do mostly reminds me of some element of life that the cat was involved.

Amazing that this takes such a toll. I guess it is the shock of how abrupt it was. Even stuff at work reminded me. Tough to get the mind off for a while which is what I need. And don't seem to be capable of doing.

 

[Pop_Rivit]

You can't harbor those doubts or second guess your actions. It will tear you up inside.

You did what was right based on the knowledge you had at the time. It's important that our pets not suffer because we can't bear the idea of letting them go. It's even worse when it's not an elderly pet that was clearly declining; in your case your cat was healthy, then a few hours later you had to make the decision to end it's suffering. I sympathize with you; I've had to do it far too many times and each time it tears a piece of your heart out. There are still times when I have to hold back a tear or two when I think of some of our dogs that have passed.

You need to give it time. Not a day, not a week. Maybe a month or so and the aching hole will subside. Once you get wrapped up with the new child that will take your mind from it as well. But it's possible that it may be a year or so before you can really talk about your cat without getting a little choked up.

It was important that you were there for your cat at the end. They depend upon us for everything, and when it's time for them to cross the rainbow bridge I like to think it brings them comfort to have us at their side-they know we'd never do them harm.

Again, give it time. It will get better, and life will go on.

 

[CROWNVIC4LIFE]

Sorry for your loss.

I had a 22 year old cat I had to finally put down 15 years ago..I still think about him a lot as he was so good..Even riding in the car he would just lay in my lap all day and not move on long trips..I now have a 10 year old cat but still think about the other one as the other one was much more friendlier and much more easy going.

 

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: CROWNVIC4LIFE
Sorry for your loss.

I had a 22 year old cat I had to finally put down 15 years ago..I still think about him a lot as he was so good..Even riding in the car he would just lay in my lap all day and not move on long trips..I now have a 10 year old cat but still think about the other one as the other one was much more friendlier and much more easy going.


That's my fear with getting another one, regardless of if it is sooner or later... Will I always compare? I know Id get one for the presence that we have in each others' life and for all the good reasons, but will I ultimately compare? Can the new ne ever be "good enough"? I saw some pictures of us with the cat in a few different points in time going from about 2004 to 2008, and its tough to think that anything can ever be as good as those memories... I know thats sad depressed lost your pet talk, but its just tough to get over. Day by day...

 

[SwampSurvivor]

Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Originally Posted By: CROWNVIC4LIFE
Sorry for your loss.

I had a 22 year old cat I had to finally put down 15 years ago..I still think about him a lot as he was so good..Even riding in the car he would just lay in my lap all day and not move on long trips..I now have a 10 year old cat but still think about the other one as the other one was much more friendlier and much more easy going.


That's my fear with getting another one, regardless of if it is sooner or later... Will I always compare? I know Id get one for the presence that we have in each others' life and for all the good reasons, but will I ultimately compare? Can the new ne ever be "good enough"? I saw some pictures of us with the cat in a few different points in time going from about 2004 to 2008, and its tough to think that anything can ever be as good as those memories... I know thats sad depressed lost your pet talk, but its just tough to get over. Day by day...


I don't think you can compare the two; this is the way I see it.

Alley was Alley. Frankie and Johnny are Frankie and Johnny. Mara is Mara. Different family members that we have different experiences with.

We nursed Alley back and kept him going for nearly 6 months while he was sick. Looking back, knowing what we know now, we really feel bad that we didn't let him go to sleep earlier. He really loved us, though; he really could sense that we were giving him the best care we could.

Frankie and Johnny are a different experience; they weren't a replacement for Alley.

Alley taught me loads about having a pet and making a commitment - just how much a pet can mean to you. I was *NOT* a cat person before Alley ... he turned me into a cat person. i remember sitting on the floor with him reading up on cat psychology and observing his behavoior.

 

[yonyon]

Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Does anyone ever have doubts on their actions after loosing their pet?


I certainly did.

After a couple of weeks of injections and surgeries the vet at the emergency animal hospital told us (my ex and I) that my little sheepy (actually a dog) still had a 50% chance of surviving the next surgery and if she did she'd likely not live more than another 6 months.

I decided to end it. I had my doubts. My ex kept crying. I had to carry the dog and drive the car and tell them both that we're doing the right thing so they could have one last day to spend with each other, so I guess having that role helped sort of give me a shield being the tough guy and all. In a way I got off easy there.

I really wasn't 100% sure I was making the right decision. Nobody's ever 100% sure they're making the right decision to end the life of a family member. Anyway, our family vet handled things very well. They let us stay with her and touch her until she was gone. All the doctors and techs came in (not at the same time) to say their goodbyes. My ex cried a lot.

After the end I though maybe I should have had the surgery done and let her have a chance at living another six months. It bothered me a lot. Over the course of the next few weeks I eneded up moving to the opinion that the real mistake was keeping her alive that long. When the second tumor showed up I should have seen that she was going to die from the same cancer that killed all the rest of her family at around that age. Cutting out the lumps and spiking her up on drugs only helped so much and she didn't really feel healthy and happy.

Jump forward a couple of months and I could look at more honestly. I had kept the little bugger alive as long as I could keep hope that she could recover. We took advantage of all that was available to keep her comfortable. Both my ex and my dog had time to prepare for the inevitable. In the end I had done the right thing so far as could be judged every step of the way.

I did what I had to do. You did what you had to do. It will bother you for a time. When you come to accept that your decision was right it'll hurt that much less.

 

[demarpaint]

He's gone a little over 4 years and it still hurts. Sorry for your loss.

Christmas was his favorite time of year.

 

[JHZR2]

Thanks, everyone. All the discussion sure helps.

Here she was sharing a recent happy day with us.

 

[CROWNVIC4LIFE]

Very nice looking cat!!! She had a awesome life with awesome owners.

 

[JHZR2]

Thanks!

 

[Benzadmiral]

She looks a great deal like my late Marie-Antoinette, and one of my two current feline thugs, a big black fellow called Wolf. She was a very adaptable and sociable cat, and so is he. I suspect those traits tend to crop up a lot in the black cat population.

 

[JOD]

My condolences. This is a much more difficult thing to go through than those without pets can understand. I know, because I used to be one of those people!

Ironically, I've now been through it more than most since I've fostered/adopted a number of dogs who were quite old and living out their final years with us. I wish I had some magic answer, but the truth is, time is really the only healer. We had to have our favorite cat put down last year (a week ago to the day). We still miss him. At this point though, the memories we have are the good ones. I try to ease the sadness by thinking of how incredibly lucky he was to be in such a good situation with us; but ultimately, it just takes time. Don't forget though how much better he had it than if he just had a life on the street.

 

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: JOD
I know, because I used to be one of those people!


Thanks. I was too - never really understood. Loosing a grandparent or great grandparent hurt - a lot, but maybe because the cat was more of a fixture in our life, or Im not sure why, but it really hurts worse. Maybe it was the suddenness, I dont know. But every little thing reminds me of the cat for one reason or another. Your points on how to ease it are good and Ill try to focus on that. She would have lived in a barn otherwise...

 

[kendrickson]

JHZR2, in the decision you had to make, the only thing you can do is your best. It's easy to re-analyze the decision later or hear other people say what they might have done, but you did your best in making that decision. You could not be expected to do better than that. For what it's worth, after reading the events that took place, I do believe you made a good decision. The quality of life would likely have been poor, even to the point that your cat would have had to endure again at a later time the suffering she endured on that night. Her health would never have been the same, and you spared her from that suffering. I do hope the pain of your loss gets easier soon.