Originally Posted By: c3po
His wife does not respect him, they went to marriage counseling for a while until she no longer wanted to go.
Reading the whole thing here, she sounds like a sponge, soaking up things, but only giving back if squeezed.
Originally Posted By: c3po
She told him when the kids get older she does not want to go back to work.
Perhaps he should be 100% open and honest with her and tell her that he's not so sure he want's to support a wife who is not interested in meeting his needs, including the legitimate emotional need for an attractive spouse.
While many women scoff at the idea that it's a legitimate emotional need Dr Willard Harley of the Marriage Builders does indeed cite this as one of the top 10 emotional needs.
Furthermore, if his plan is to dump her after the kids are gone, he may be paying alimony for a long time. If his plan is to divorce her, it's better to do it earlier than later, so he doesn't have to keep paying her, depending on the laws of the state.
While I'm divorce, I'm not really pro-divorce. I think he needs to be 100% transparent about what he's thinking, as well as to begin doing more parenting, etc, so he does have a case to be the SOLE custodian of his children, should he choose to go that route.
Originally Posted By: c3po
He went out with her for 6 months and then got married, not enough time to go out with someone before getting married.
He says she always has to be right even if she is wrong.
A common question is do you want to be right, or do you want to be married. Marriage Builders has the concept of the policy of joint agreement. Neither of you does anything without the ENTHUSIASTIC agreement of the other spouse. That really goes a long way towards building love and protection into a marriage. oilBabe and I practice this, and our first 18 months have been relatively drama free, and that includes selling my home, renting for a while, buying a home, moving in, a new job for her, etc, and the marriage.
So while we've had a lot of stressors, we've also established a framework to work on the issues that ensures each of us is devoted to finding solutions that we both will enthusiastically embrace.
Originally Posted By: c3po
She gets upset if he argues with her, the other night he called her on the way home and said do you need me to pick anything up at the grocery store, she said no.
He comes home, there is a little bit of milk left, he finishes it up, she yells at him for not saving the milk for her. He says look I asked you if you needed me to get anything at the store, why didn't you tell me to get some milk.
His response was pretty good until the "Why" part. That will put her on the defensive. I suspect he too needs some honing of his communication skills.
Instead of asking why, stop at the I asked and you said we needed nothing.
Originally Posted By: c3po
He caught his wife laughing with her friends about how they do not have to work.
I do not feel sorry for him because he is doing nothing about this, he does not want to get a divorce.
Ultimately it's his life and he has to live it. If he wants advice, offer it. If not, then you have to decide if you want to listen to him vent his spleen or what.
Personally, I'd politely say that I really don't want to listen to complaining. If he wants to discuss solutions... that's another matter.