Weddings... absolutely annoying anymore.

[TrevorS]

Originally Posted By: mrsilv04
I just made the even bigger mistake of looking at the gift registry for the happy couple at Bed, Bath, and Beyond...

A $150 queen sized bed sheet set.
A $135 chef's knife. Just one knife.
A $200 pasta attachment for a Kitchenaid mixer
A $85 saucepan. Just one saucepan... and a small one at 1.5 quarts.

Of course, there were less expensive items... such as a $12 spoon, or a $6 washcloth.

I think I'm going to go take a long, hot shower now. For some odd reason, I suddenly feel used and dirty.

And by the way, the word that was censored in my original post was "c-r-a-p".


You can choose your friends but you can't choose THEIR relatives!

 

[otis24]

We did things very simply. The guys wore tan western shirts and black Wranglers. The ladies wore matching dresses that my wife made over the summer. This also included a dress for the flower girl and a matching jump suit for the ring bearer (my wife's cousin's daughter).

A good friend of my wife's family made her wedding dress and a friend of my wife made a veil that was beaded Native American style (the were working at an Indian School at the time).

The lady that taught my wife cake decorating when my wife was 9 yrs old made the wedding cake.

For the reception dinner, the wife's folks smoked a couple of turkeys and some beef. Other family made salads, including five gallons of Uncle Jim's (wife's uncle) home made potato salad.

We spent about a thousand dollars total, and this included the photographer. In-laws had a camper, and other friends with campers brought them over for family to stay in. Preacher, a good family friend, said it was the nicest wedding he ever presided over.

Wife's sister, who is all about image and show, spend big bucks on her wedding. Spent over $1000 on the dress alone. Marriage lasted about three years. Ours is going on 19.

Wife's sister, after many years alone, is getting married in Hawaii in a couple of days. Other than the trip there, she is keeping it simple. Her, the groom, and her mom and dad. Groom's 18 yr old daughter was supposed to go but didn't want to earn enough money to help pay for her trip.

 

[Kuato]

Originally Posted By: mrsilv04
When did most weddings de-evolve into a classless display of one-upping whoever had the last wedding, which leads to months and months of planning, and then spending money like there's no tomorrow, when most of the spending is on material [censored] that will be thrown away the next day?

And these awful "bridezilla" TV shows are a lot of the problem as well. It only seems to drive the worst in some people.

I have an invite to a wedding of a daughter of some friends (never mind that she hated her parents' guts for several years and refused to even speak to them), and I have absolutely no desire to go to it. I barely even know the daughter (and that's because she shut her parents out of her life for several years, and chose to live an hour away).

As a rule, I've only attended weddings of immediate family members and those of my personal friends... and no one else.

Am I wrong? Every one else gets a nice card, a hearty congratulations, and a gift.

I guess I'd feel somewhat different about weddings if they were more about the vows, and less about all of the immaterial garbage that people apparently think that are more important than the "I do" part?

So, am I the only one?


No. Most weddings are a show for the invitees, pampering for the spoiled bride, or both.

 

[dlundblad]

I personally feel newlywed couples could put that extra money used in a huge wedding to better use. A wedding doesn't have to be the top even of the season to be special. At the end of the day its about the couple getting married. If people want a huge wedding to make themselves look/ feel better, it shows a slight sense of insecurity. I'm just a kid myself, but with the college kid weddings i have been to have influenced me on my above opinion. Maybe just a little more maturity was needed..

Its always nice when they claim to have no money right after they went on a 7 day Royal Caribbean cruise as well (*for the honeymoon). Downsize to a 3 day Carnival and stay on the beach a few more days!!! Once again, it doesn't have to be extraordinary to be special.

 

[Mykl]

Originally Posted By: TrevorS
Understood but what I was referring to was the idea that you ask others to dress up in specific clothes, you make a wedding registry, you make it about you so much that you begin to expect unreasonable things from guests.

All I am suggesting is that you spend what is reasonable for you to afford, don't ask for gifts, don't ask people to do something fancy, don't make it so people have to spend crazy amounts to get to the location or stay in an expensive hotel. But get a nice location and provide decent food and if the budget gets stretched reduce the size of the wedding. Do what makes you happy but have consideration for guests.


ahhh yeah, fair point

 

[Kruse]

I got married in the same town where Bonnie Parker was born. (You'll have to Wiki that one) It was a fairly inexpensive wedding, but yet we had quite a few guests there, thanks to my wife being from a large family with lots of relatives. We also served a large meal and had a live band there.
It doesn't have to be an expensive wedding for everyone to have fun.

 

[Kira]

Hello, It's all been said for the most part. These thoughtful responses are indicative of BITOGer's brains and 'proportionality'.

I think most weddings are BAD, UNORIGINAL and EXTREMELY WASTEFUL. So many qualify as SHAMELESS. And I realize I risk sounding like a pedantic fool saying this, but I don't care. I could detail what I've seen over the years but you've likely heard it, or seen it before.

Never buy such an expensive little saucepan. Spend on larger vessels; frying pans, large pots for stews etc.

I once watched a dopey, sheepish, indolent looking girl as she was instructed to point and shoot at items' tags in a high-end kitchen store. These scans entered the items on a gift registry obviously.

I asked where they'd settle down after the wedding and she asked my why I wanted to know.
I said, "I want to know where to drive by in 2 years. I don't miss the garage sale when you divorce." Kira

 

[Donald]

So I should not invite the OP to my upcoming wedding?

 

[dlundblad]

Originally Posted By: Donald
So I should not invite the OP to my upcoming wedding?


Not if you have full skids of T6 on your gift registry..

 

[daves87rs]

Bed, Bath and Beyond....

I like when people keep it simple. All it is formal getting married at a church/courthouse, and celebrating with your family and your close friends.

That's how ours was, and we didn't break the bank either. I like simple....

 

[andrewg]

Weddings bore me to death. Same corny displays of Hallmark-like sayings such as the 'Love is...blah blah blah'.....same 'smash the cake' into each others face....the obligatory 'first dance' bunk....yuck. Generally within ten years or much less the couple is separated and a nasty divorce ensues.
I avoid them like the Black Death.

 

[Huie83]

I absolutely agree, total waste of money. My first wedding was about $18K all said and done, we invited 200 guests. It was fun but it goes by so fast and you have so much to do that it becomes very impersonal.

When I got remarried this past year we kept it very simple. We invited 40 guests,rented a park, setup all our own stuff, brought all our own food,cake etc. For the reception we had a few beers and played yard/wedding games, everyone had a good time. I think the total was $1300 all said and done. It was very intimate and much more memorable than my first huge wedding....

 

[zzyzzx]

I also think that these things are a silly waste of money.

 

[NHHEMI]

Originally Posted By: mrsilv04
When did most weddings de-evolve into a classless display of one-upping whoever had the last wedding, which leads to months and months of planning, and then spending money like there's no tomorrow, when most of the spending is on material [censored] that will be thrown away the next day?

And these awful "bridezilla" TV shows are a lot of the problem as well. It only seems to drive the worst in some people.

I have an invite to a wedding of a daughter of some friends (never mind that she hated her parents' guts for several years and refused to even speak to them), and I have absolutely no desire to go to it. I barely even know the daughter (and that's because she shut her parents out of her life for several years, and chose to live an hour away).

As a rule, I've only attended weddings of immediate family members and those of my personal friends... and no one else.

Am I wrong? Every one else gets a nice card, a hearty congratulations, and a gift.

I guess I'd feel somewhat different about weddings if they were more about the vows, and less about all of the immaterial garbage that people apparently think that are more important than the "I do" part?

So, am I the only one?


No you are most definitely correct. Weddings are out of control these days. The vast amount of money that is wasted on their weddings for some people could be a good down payment on a house or even buy it outright.

It is a special event certainly and it should be nice. I don't mean to imply you should pick dandelions for flowers out of the yard, get married in your tool shed, and serve tator tots, vienna sausages, and koolaid for the reception dinner but good lord people go insane.

I actually grew up with twins guys who are 2 of my best friends to this day. I was in both of their weddings. One of them had a sensible marriage ceremony that was very nice but not crazy. He felt a home for the two of them and a nice honeymoon was more important than a big bridezilla type wedding. The other one let his wife go nuts and he went into major debt paying for the wedding. The stuff they did was just stupid( we had THREE different tuxes to wear for one thing ). I think he may still be paying it off now years later.

I also won't go to a wedding for people I don't know or barely know. IMO when you get an invite in a case like that it is for one reason alone and that is for your gift.

 

[wrcsixeight]

One of the more fun weddings I've attended involved my best friend. I had to witness his psychotic fiance just go nuts doing everything possible to do everything to go overboard. I kept trying to point out to my buddy how this excessive and compulsive behavior was not just a one time thing and gave a thousand examples. More than just myself tried to gently steer him away from an obvious mistake. He just thought we were talking about other women perhaps. Forest for the trees type of stuff.

Everybody who met the woman knew something was seriously wrong with her. We all tried to politely steer him away from a big mistake, but he had to prove us wrong. He kept saying he was going to help her. In the limo to the location, somebody made a toast to the groom, and someone else let out the nastiest silent but deadly flatulence I've ever smelled. It proved to be quite a summary of his life since.

10 years later he is the most miserable person I know. She is the worst human I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. At least I no longer have to pretend to like her. She is probably already drinking, at 8:30 in the morning.

I blame women's magazines for the downfall of the American nation. All that comes from them is women who think they deserve anything they can dream of. Men are just a way to get what they want and being the biggest female dog they can be is to be aspired to, acceptable and desirable. They gobble it up and now society is infected with "more more more, it's all about ME ME ME."

Somebody has to fund the consumer society. It won't be me.

 

[Doog]

Originally Posted By: Mykl
I got married last summer and we spent $3000 on the ceremony/reception.

It was awesome.

Only close family was invited, it was in my wife's aunt's back yard, the reception was in the same location, her aunt is a photographer, and her mom did the cake.

We decided to keep it as inexpensive as possible because every dollar we spent came out of the pile of money we had for a down payment on the next house. As it turned out we probably enjoyed ourselves far more than if we had spent $30,000.


Well, here is at least one smart person.

 

[exranger06]

My fiancee's sister is getting married in 2 years, so she's planning her wedding. She says she wants to spend a MINIMUM of $20k on her wedding.

I'm getting married later this year, and I think we'll be spending less than half that for about 70 guests. And I have the savings to pay for it all in cash.

 

[lomez]

Originally Posted By: wrcsixeight
One of the more fun weddings I've attended involved my best friend. I had to witness his psychotic fiance just go nuts doing everything possible to do everything to go overboard. I kept trying to point out to my buddy how this excessive and compulsive behavior was not just a one time thing and gave a thousand examples. More than just myself tried to gently steer him away from an obvious mistake. He just thought we were talking about other women perhaps. Forest for the trees type of stuff.

Everybody who met the woman knew something was seriously wrong with her. We all tried to politely steer him away from a big mistake, but he had to prove us wrong. He kept saying he was going to help her. In the limo to the location, somebody made a toast to the groom, and someone else let out the nastiest silent but deadly flatulence I've ever smelled. It proved to be quite a summary of his life since.

10 years later he is the most miserable person I know. She is the worst human I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. At least I no longer have to pretend to like her. She is probably already drinking, at 8:30 in the morning.

I blame women's magazines for the downfall of the American nation. All that comes from them is women who think they deserve anything they can dream of. Men are just a way to get what they want and being the biggest female dog they can be is to be aspired to, acceptable and desirable. They gobble it up and now society is infected with "more more more, it's all about ME ME ME."

Somebody has to fund the consumer society. It won't be me.




You've got it figured out just about perfectly correct.

 

[javacontour]

I think I can one-up this

When oilBabe and I married, we had both been married before and had the big Disney Princess wedding (how else to describe it?)

Our cell group at church put in on after the worship service on a Sunday afternoon.

Started at 2pm, we were out of the church having had a simple reception, by 4pm and on our way to a B&B.

We spent more on the pre-marital counselling than we did on the actual wedding. It was probably a few hundred. I gave the minister a $100 for conducting the ceremony.

Probably the most expensive was the photographer, and I can't imagine it was more than a few hundred as it was a friend of my wife's who was a semi-pro photographer.

I think the album from my first marriage was more costly than the entire second marriage.

Having gone through it before, and noticing how just because you have the nice wedding doesn't mean your wife will be faithful to her vows, I wasn't going to spend big bucks on it.

So I can't imagine we breached $1K for the whole thing, and it's the best wedding I've ever been to

Originally Posted By: Mykl
I got married last summer and we spent $3000 on the ceremony/reception.

It was awesome.

Only close family was invited, it was in my wife's aunt's back yard, the reception was in the same location, her aunt is a photographer, and her mom did the cake.

We decided to keep it as inexpensive as possible because every dollar we spent came out of the pile of money we had for a down payment on the next house. As it turned out we probably enjoyed ourselves far more than if we had spent $30,000.

 

[Nate1979]

Justice of the peace with two witnesses for us. It was beautiful!

Gas money + fee = priceless