Originally Posted by gathermewool
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership. If partners consider themselves equals, then what does it matter who contributes more? The assets of a couple should literally belong to...the couple.
My wife has one independent credit card, so that she can maintain a semblance of autonomy, but we both know who buys what and when each bill is due. 99% of purchases use common credit/checking accounts. To maintain vastly separate accounts seems foolish.
If there are secrets, comparisons of who makes more or questions about who is spending how much money, then something is WRONG!
I agree completely... well, at least 99.9% agree. I feel I have to leave the 0.1% on the table because I see this same conversation on threads on other forums and there is always people who say they have separate accounts from their spouses and it works for them, so who am I to argue that it cant work, because it certainly does in a lot of cases. I dont personally get it, but if it works for some people, then great. I still think there is an underlying disconnect if they feel they need to keep finances separate from the person they vowed to stay with forever, but if it works for them, then thats great.
I will say, I was part of this same discussion (separate accounts, separate finances, separate 'stuff') a long time ago at a late night beer soaked poker game with all my friends, and I felt like the outcast because I was the lone one advocating combined finances, complete openness, joint accounts, etc and they were all telling me how I was getting taken advantage of, I dont have any freedom or independence, why should she get to spend money without 'checking with me' when I was the one who made most of it, etc. Fast forward 20 years and all those friends are divorced now. Literally every one of them. Not saying separate finances are the cause, but I do think they are a telling symptom of an underlying issue that if you cant connect about something as basic and necessary as your daily finances, you may well not be connected on a number of other levels as well. Just my own opinion.
One of the biggest proponents in that conversation of the "whats hers is hers, whats mine is mine, her money is her money, my money is my money, separate finances, split the bills 50-50 etc" friends recently went through his divorce, and called me up two days before the divorce was to be finalized and said everything is on hold now because he was rummaging through some old boxes of paperwork and found a 401k statement in her name that he didnt know about. Further discovery led to that account where she had over a quarter million dollars in that retirement account he didnt even know 'they' had. Or should I say, SHE had, separate finances and all that, I was quick to suggest to him. He then spent six weeks and several grand in legal fees fighting her for "his half" of the money that earlier in the marriage, had it been his account, would have been HIS money, not 'theirs', since thats how they handled their money, I again smugly pointed out, as I strutted around twirling my golf club and looking at my nonexistent watch and straightening my nonexistent tie with a self righteous smirk on my face before I stopped all this because I could tell he was about to smack me silly halfway into next month.
He, the court, his lawyer, or whoever eventually got her to write him a check for $125,000, his half of what she had accumulated that he didnt know about. I snarkily asked him why he thought he should have got any of it, since they split the bills 50-50 and whatever was left over, she kept her money, he kept his money, remember that big debate we all had that night uh huh? He just chuckled and said "yea well that goes out the door when you get divorced" and I said "maybe it should have gone out the door when you got married. You werent living like a married couple, you're living like college roomates with benefits just splitting the bills. Which is exactly what you were before you were married."
Like I said, if it works for some of you, have at it, I hope it continues to work. I dont get it though. (Hope I'm not coming off sounding too judgmental here..)