wedding advice

[CivicFan]

Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Originally Posted By: CivicFan
Originally Posted By: chevyboy14
So my fiance and I have decided to tie that wonderful and expensive knot called marriage. I was hoping you guys could give some advice on how to throw a cheap good wedding. A DJ is about 400 bucks so we would kinda like to not have a DJ anyone have any great ways around that while still having music. Also any other general advice. We got the dress and location figured out everything else is up in the air. Any advice or thoughts is appreciated.


let her take care of it. Anything you do can and will be used against you in the future.


Why? My wife and I planned everything together. We had a great time, a great party, and all our friends still remember it as a blast.

I guess this is why 50% of marriages end in divorce... People cant figure out how to work together, and then hold grudges on overpriced, oversold fashion shows.


You may think you did it together

 

[Dakota1820]

We are planning it together. So a DJ is a good idea? Cheapest I've found was 300 bucks. I'm Hoping on the hall which cost 200+ 100 deposit and a DJ which is around 300 that her dad and I can split the costs.

 

[Vikas]

Treat this as if your wife is getting married and it is her wedding. You just have to show up Seriously, let her drive this. For example, if she really wants DJ, have at it but if she is reluctant, just nix it.

Today is our 25th!

- Vikas

 

[javacontour]

Bingo. I did the big church wedding the first time. That didn't work out so well as just because you marry in the church doesn't guarantee your wife will display those values.

When I re-married, we did a small service after church on a Sunday afternoon. Our Sunday School class put on much of the wedding. We started at 2pm, and the whole thing was wrapped up at 4pm, reception included. Sure it was just cake and punch in the fellowship hall. But it was a more intimate service and really captured what I believe your wedding vows are about.

It's not about the party, it's about the vows you make and keep. We spent far more on the pre-marital counseling than we did on the actual wedding.

Originally Posted By: wallyuwl
Do the DJ. $400 isn't much. Won't be much of a party without one.

Don't have an open bar. That will be your biggest expense.

Focus on the marriage more than the wedding. It can get stressful planning such an event, and it is important to keep things in perspective. Usually the woman has trouble with this.

 

[cutter]

Originally Posted By: 123Saab
Get married in city hall with 2 witnesses.

Then go live in a beach-town in Portugal for a year.

Then come back home, Work hard for a few year and then throw a [censored] of a party.


This is what my sister is doing. Except, first they'll spend some good money renting out a hotel floor/bar/hall or whatever in center city Philadelphia and throw a party. Then they'll take a flight somewhere. Money well spent.

Basically she and her fiance are getting married for the tax break. Without that, they would never have gotten married and would be quite content. I mean they've been together for 7 years.

 

[eljefino]

Originally Posted By: chevyboy14
We are planning it together. So a DJ is a good idea? Cheapest I've found was 300 bucks. I'm Hoping on the hall which cost 200+ 100 deposit and a DJ which is around 300 that her dad and I can split the costs.

Don't cheap out!!!

Audition your DJ. Find out what wedding he's performing at between now and yours and crash the thing, see if he's helping the party or not.

If you can't do that, borrow some wedding videos from friends and see if the DJ livens up the party.

Not all DJs have the same personality.

 

[Smokescreen]

The occasion should entirely be about the celebration of the union of the bride and groom. Everything should point to that idea. I have been to probably 50+ weddings that were a blast. They included video/pictures of the two as they grew up, stories about them and games and food and dancing and skits, seeing old friends and getting to know new ones. The music was donated as a gift, food was donated as a gift, hall was donated as a gift. The cost was minimal. People had fun and there was no drama & everyone actually remembers the occasion with fondness as it should be.

Here's the key element....zero alcohol.

 

[LeakySeals]

Her parents are supposed to pay so your off the hook.

Take it from me, keep a wrapper on it for a few years. A divorce with kids and the judge wont hesitate to put you on the street with NOTHING but your clothes.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Which is why he needs a secret safe deposit box...its the emergency stash of cash. Any man needs to know two things about divorce: women can do no wrong, men can do no right. Best bet is to grab as much cash as possible & skip the country.

 

[JayhawkRoy]

A few thoughts/observations:
1. Momzilla is worse than bridezilla. Keep her Mom in the loop and let your fiance maintain good relations with her, throughout the planning and execution process.
2. If you're doing this at Meramec, then make sure you know what the alcoholic beverage rules and limits are beforehand. Same for electricity availability.
3. We are not card-carrying abstainers, but my family gatherings seldom include alcohol, and they work out just fine. Same for DJs. Realize your family situation may be different, but don't go into debt over this.
4. Make sure that her parents (if they are footing the bill) can afford the costs. If you and your fiance are footing the bill, you have many more issues to worry about economically than how well the reception was received by the throngs of people.
5. Because my daughter cannot drink alcohol at all, we provided alcohol-free champagne and sparkling cider for bubbly drinks. Not very expensive when you consider case discount, etc, from a good liquor store.
6. Receptions don't have to go on forever. My daughter's reception lasted three hours at the most, and because many of the folks invited hadn't seen each other in a long time, most of the time was spent visiting, and the DJ didn't seem to be missed.
7. Let your best man or one of the groomsmen handle any MC chores. Do an estimated time schedule about what you will do when and at appropriate times, let the audience know what and when things will probably happen.
8. If you have friends who are the least bit handy in the kitchen, consider a DIY catering event, depending on what you can do logically within the confines of your chosen location. My wife and I catered two different events by providing quality snacks by doing all the work ourselves.
9. Not so traditional, but get the official wedding photos done before the ceremony. Saves time after the ceremony and keeps the other attendees besides the wedding party from being bored to tears.

Best wishes as you embark on a new phase of life......

 

[mechtech2]

Maybe beer and wine could be provided, with hard liquor being purchased by the guests.
Can you get a sound system together? I Pods, computers, CDs, etc can easily be played.

 

[sciphi]

How many people are coming? If it's mainly family and it's just a relative handful, a DJ isn't necessary. If it's larger than 50-60, think about a DJ. They will help keep things flowing. My wedding was 70 people, and our DJ really helped keep things moving along.

Also, work together with things. I and my wife did, and both of us were glad we did. There were no surprises, and we kept within our budget. It's easy to go overboard when one person gets carried away with some detail.

 

[morris]

our friends have lots of great advice. i cant beat it.

 

[PandaBear]

Depends on how much you can do without.

If you are looking for a DJ I'd try to look up someone you know that has some prior experience to do it just as a friendly help. You still have to pay him/her but probably 1/2 off.

Other part of the savings that I cannot stress more is: buy used. Lots of wedding stuff are used only once and discarded so buy what you can on ebay and sell it off ASAP. Wedding gown may not always work due to the need for tailoring / adjustment but you can always try craigslist (make sure you let your fiance go with an extra person for safety).

IMO rental of the wedding location and reception is the biggest expense, and that's where you should focus on saving $ first. If you got that covered, then it is the alcohol, then photographers, then the decoration (florists aren't cheap), then clothes, then the entertainers (DJ, etc), and finally invitations and thank you notes.

People who has done it before as a "professional" or semi pro are much better than someone who just are excited about helping. They don't have the emotion to make decisions like what they "think" they like for themselves but rather what make sense. When I got married we did not have a coordinator and the DJ works with the photographer to coordinate the situation, that itself is a significant burden lifted off our back.

Remember, something WILL GO WRONG, and make sure you plan some slacks and redundance, failsafe and tolerance into the event. For me it is the florist arriving late and father in law grabbing mics for a speech, decorator having the wrong size chair covers, some important items (for ceremony) went missing, etc, etc. Don't get too stress about not going according to plan and just move along and keep a good spirit, and everyone will have a great time.

 

[PandaBear]

Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Originally Posted By: yeti

you MUST have an open bar, or you'll be viewed as a cheap **** by the guests, forever.in the future,when the guys remember your wedding, they will remember this.the women will remember who was wearing what, and make catty comments about who had implants.



If that is the kind of people that are going to attend, and their personalities, frankly, they arent worth inviting, and the OP should just elope and do it in Hawaii or go to the JP at lunchtime.

I agree it is a way oversold fashion show for women, but it doesnt mean that she cant have a practical and smart approach to it too.


Agree. Never ever have an open bar if you do not want drunk guests making a fool out of themselves or people behaving badly. Buy your own wine and skip the hard liquor, and put a fixed amount per table and only a few extra as a limit.

 

[Dakota1820]

I make my own wine so ill save there

I have a nice stereo couldn't I hook my phone to it with the head phone jack and play Pandora.

 

[65cuda]

Some places are pretty tight on the booze laws. If we would have had booze at the daughters wedding we would have had to have more of a deposit and also proof of insurance. You can also be held liable in some places if someone gets drunk and has a accident. The part about something going wrong is true, but if you don't stress about it and instead laugh it will be a memorable moment that people will have fun talking about.

 

[sleddriver]

When choosing a DJ, put it in writing the type of music you want to hear and DON'T want to hear, including specific songs at specific times if you wish. Tie it to his fee. This can ward off many (embarrasing) bombs on the dance floor.

From an acoustical standpoint, I find the music in many receptions way too loud & distorted. Too much bass, the midrange 'HONKS' and the highs can shatter crystal. The music is supposed to enhance the event, provide ambience and set the tone: Not take center stage; THAT'S exclusively reserved for you & the Mrs. This is your one day. The DJ probably has another gig tomorrow night. Don't hire an idiot and don't let an idiot ruin your special event.

What amazes me about some weddings is you get all these family & friends & buds together. Everyone travels to get there (usually). The service is over. The pictures are over. And you're ready to sit down, eat and visit with these people you may not regularly see.

Then the DJ lights up his rig to begin his show and proceeds to 'blow everyone away' at 105dB, in a mostly reverberant room and people start screaming at each other to carry on the conversation. Then they finally get hoarse, their throat gets scratchy and they stop visiting.

And remember....you're paying for this aural abuse!

Nothing like too much food, champagne and sugar topped off with a banging headache from lousy sound.

Congrats on your marriage! Choose your DJ wisely and write a smart contract. Use music to enhance your event, not dominate it.

My two (acoustical) cents . . . .

 

[Rock_Hudstone]

Originally Posted By: wallyuwl
Do the DJ. $400 isn't much. Won't be much of a party without one.

Don't have an open bar. That will be your biggest expense.

Won't be much of party without an open bar either..

I'd trim costs elsewhere.

Some of the best wedding receptions I've been to were held in simple church auditoriums and VFW halls with live bands, open bars and buffet style food.

The worst are those canned receptions at high dollar banquet venues with mediocre food and awful DJ's blasting the same wornout routine, thus making pleasant conversation nearly impossible.

I'm a photographer and have seen quite a few.

 

[Dakota1820]

How much would an open bar even cost