My wife and I have a friend that doesn't drive well anymore. She has early Parkinson's. She is 65 and lives alone. Rarely drives at night. She has had 2 small fender benders this winter. She can't back out of my 100 foot straight driveway. She drives slowly and makes bad decisions. She takes little small steps and the other night, she walked over a little patch of snow when she could have easily walked around it. She is too young for a home and her mind is good except for some bad decisions. Any suggestions? Thanks
How to tell friend stop driving?
- Thread starter Jerryb
- Start date
- Status
My Mom has Parkinson's, so this hits close to home for me. My mom decided to stop driving on her own, and kept us from having to make that decision.
It appears that the DMV in New York will accept a recommendation from you (or a doctor) that they call her in for a retest. Let the experts decide if she is safe to be on the roads... or not.
http://www.dmv.ny.gov/olderdriver/reeval.htm
It appears that the DMV in New York will accept a recommendation from you (or a doctor) that they call her in for a retest. Let the experts decide if she is safe to be on the roads... or not.
http://www.dmv.ny.gov/olderdriver/reeval.htm
Sabotage her car
Don't start calling the DMV on people. Talk to a family member if anything, my dad drove for years with parkinsons before he died.
Be careful although you may have the best intentions your friend may see it totally different and become an ex friend.
Be careful although you may have the best intentions your friend may see it totally different and become an ex friend.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2013
- Messages
- 3,075
Legally you have a responsibility to the State to report her driving problems,
and if you fail to do so, can be held responsible for the consequences of her actions...
Talk to her family, explain the situation, and then either/both of you can report her to the DMV and Senior Services, if she does not have other resources to get around, then it's time to be in an Assisted Living Facility...
and if you fail to do so, can be held responsible for the consequences of her actions...
Talk to her family, explain the situation, and then either/both of you can report her to the DMV and Senior Services, if she does not have other resources to get around, then it's time to be in an Assisted Living Facility...
Last edited:
Only one way. Had to do it with my brother and my Dad. Take the car away and sell it or donate it to charity. No car = no driving. Don't waste any time doing this because your friend may hurt someone or herself.
Plus check out some assisted living or in home helpers for her. But get rid of the car.
Plus check out some assisted living or in home helpers for her. But get rid of the car.
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: mattwithcats
and if you fail to do so, can be held responsible for the consequences of her actions...
Hold up!
I wouldn't be so brave as to say that.
Do you have any legal basis to back your statement up?
I'm not saying nothing should be said or done about it. I'm dealing with the same situation with my 75yr old Grandfather. But your statement is just a little strong considering how little substance is behind it.
Please elaborate, I'm in NY too. I'm curious
and if you fail to do so, can be held responsible for the consequences of her actions...
Hold up!
I wouldn't be so brave as to say that.
Do you have any legal basis to back your statement up?
I'm not saying nothing should be said or done about it. I'm dealing with the same situation with my 75yr old Grandfather. But your statement is just a little strong considering how little substance is behind it.
Please elaborate, I'm in NY too. I'm curious
Last edited:
BTW, she knows her skills are diminished. Her disease is progressive and will only get worse until it becomes fatal. Help her now or you may regret you didn't.
65 is not that old although im about 15 years younger sometimes i feel like im 90 lol
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
Its tough. My mother was 90 with Alzheimer and we just let the battery die. The assisted living place (at our request) would plow snow around her car also. She eventually forgot about having a car.
Her doctor might be able to contact DMV and suggest they cancel her license.
Her doctor might be able to contact DMV and suggest they cancel her license.
Originally Posted By: crazyoildude
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
If she is perfectly healthy then it's a non-issue, but the lady in question has Parkinson's Disease. That's means she can't control her movements or lose them completely. That's not safe for her or others on the road.
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
If she is perfectly healthy then it's a non-issue, but the lady in question has Parkinson's Disease. That's means she can't control her movements or lose them completely. That's not safe for her or others on the road.
Since you say her mind is good, then it is probably well worth a try for an honest, well-intentioned conversation. Point out all the little things that are starting to add up, and lead to the conclusion that they will only get worse.
What I said to my Mother was that driving was way too critical to do impaired, and you didn't get very many chances at consequence-free mistakes. I told her she didn't want to be in a position of irreversibly ruining multiple lives - i.e. hers and other peoples'.
What I said to my Mother was that driving was way too critical to do impaired, and you didn't get very many chances at consequence-free mistakes. I told her she didn't want to be in a position of irreversibly ruining multiple lives - i.e. hers and other peoples'.
Originally Posted By: crazyoildude
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
Is she driving it to a body shop on Long Island? My daughter lives in NJ and nobody has a car without scratches.
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
Is she driving it to a body shop on Long Island? My daughter lives in NJ and nobody has a car without scratches.
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: crazyoildude
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
So when it does become your business? When she has a loss of control of her car barreling down on group of kids at a playground or cross walk...or towards a loved one, towards you?
My father-in-law was a taxi driver for 40 years. He developed a condition where he lost control hit several parked cars. He was a potential danger after that. He lost his job, insurance went sky high and the car was parked and and sold. He was torqued at everyone for years as he didn't think it was that bad. There is not a single person that felt that he should still be driving. Not one. When you are piloting a 3000lbs+ machine without being qualified, death to someone is a reality.
No matter the friendship outcome or situation. The law certifies people to drive and the law should be freely used to re-evaluate the skills of this person or a person of any age. People can still qualify as a centenarian. Driving is an earned privilege at certain age of awareness, not a right. If you no longer qualify or have that awareness, time to give up that privilege.
i agree with michael sometimes its better to mind your own business.. I know a woman that is 89 and drives long distances from nj to long island 4 times a week and her car is mint ..no scratches. Nothing. She is a better driver than most.
So when it does become your business? When she has a loss of control of her car barreling down on group of kids at a playground or cross walk...or towards a loved one, towards you?
My father-in-law was a taxi driver for 40 years. He developed a condition where he lost control hit several parked cars. He was a potential danger after that. He lost his job, insurance went sky high and the car was parked and and sold. He was torqued at everyone for years as he didn't think it was that bad. There is not a single person that felt that he should still be driving. Not one. When you are piloting a 3000lbs+ machine without being qualified, death to someone is a reality.
No matter the friendship outcome or situation. The law certifies people to drive and the law should be freely used to re-evaluate the skills of this person or a person of any age. People can still qualify as a centenarian. Driving is an earned privilege at certain age of awareness, not a right. If you no longer qualify or have that awareness, time to give up that privilege.
Originally Posted By: Doog
Only one way. Had to do it with my brother and my Dad. Take the car away and sell it or donate it to charity. No car = no driving. Don't waste any time doing this because your friend may hurt someone or herself.
Plus check out some assisted living or in home helpers for her. But get rid of the car.
My stepfather tried that with his father and nearly wound up arrested! Legally, that is GRAND THEFT AUTO!
Only one way. Had to do it with my brother and my Dad. Take the car away and sell it or donate it to charity. No car = no driving. Don't waste any time doing this because your friend may hurt someone or herself.
Plus check out some assisted living or in home helpers for her. But get rid of the car.
My stepfather tried that with his father and nearly wound up arrested! Legally, that is GRAND THEFT AUTO!
Originally Posted By: Trav
Don't start calling the DMV on people. Talk to a family member if anything, my dad drove for years with parkinsons before he died.
The DMV would be a last resort type thing if it were me. Yes, speak to the family, first. Maybe they're concerned in the same way. The family, at least, might have access to her doctor who might be able to do something about it.
Don't start calling the DMV on people. Talk to a family member if anything, my dad drove for years with parkinsons before he died.
The DMV would be a last resort type thing if it were me. Yes, speak to the family, first. Maybe they're concerned in the same way. The family, at least, might have access to her doctor who might be able to do something about it.
i live in nj and my cars have no scratches
- Status
