Groomsman q'n....

[Stanley Rockafeller]

My only close buddy I've been friends with for the past 10 years has asked me to be a groomsman at his wedding this summer. Problem is, things have just kinda changed and I'm not interested in being a part of the wedding....what to do...what to do....?

bottom line, I dont' really get along with the group of friends we used to all hang with and they are all the other groomsmen and the best man. Honestly I dont' really care for them anymore, but I still like my buddy esp. since he was there for me when my bro killed himself last summer.

has anyone else been in this situation? advice?

 

[GMBoy]

That can be a tough one to handle. If you are close enough friends than probably just telling the guy the truth in how you feel would probably be best.

On the other hand, he was there for you....you should be there for him.

Otherwise - you'll have to come up with a real good excuse.

 

[Astro14]

It's an honor to be asked, this is his one (hopefully) wedding and he's asked you to play a lead role. Your feelings about the rest of the party are nowhere near as important as the fact that you've been asked, and the right thing to do is serve. There's a reason, known only to him, that he asked you, not this other group that you don't care for. Respect that confidence and trust that he's placed in you.

 

[OldCowboy]

Bite the bullet and be there for him.

 

[rjacket]

Originally Posted By: Astro14
There's a reason, known only to him, that he asked you, not this other group that you don't care for.


You've not read his dilemna correctly:

Originally Posted By: Stanley Rockafeller
bottom line, I dont' really get along with the group of friends we used to all hang with and they are all the other groomsmen and the best man.

 

[Astro14]

Originally Posted By: rjacket
Originally Posted By: Astro14
There's a reason, known only to him, that he asked you, not this other group that you don't care for.


You've not read his dilemna correctly:

Originally Posted By: Stanley Rockafeller
bottom line, I dont' really get along with the group of friends we used to all hang with and they are all the other groomsmen and the best man.


ah, you're right, I did not...

Different situation then.

I retract my advice. This is a situation that I've not been in...if you don't want to be part of it, and you're not the lead role...then find a polite reason, such as an unavoidable, pre-existing schedule conflict, to decline.

You don't want to lose the friend...you never know...this group may not last...

 

[rjacket]

You should go.

1) You'll expect the worse and actually end up getting along ok with the others. It's a happy occassion
2) You'll regret it afterwards
3) They'll probably be some interesting chicks to meet

You should make up an excuse in advance for having to leave early. Eg taking someone to the airport who is going away for a while. On the day, if you feel different you stay: "Oh she got a ride from someone else" or if you want to leave: "My friend really wants to say goodbye to me before she leaves the country. I'll try to make it back" (when everyone is drunk and you can go back to #3 above which may work better for you because they'll all be bored from all the others who have been talking to them all day).

 

[spasm3]

Its only one day, if you like your buddy, its a day he will always remember, you have the choice to be a part of that. Above all do whats in your heart and what you know you will not regret.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[abycat]

Id say go as well. Ya never know you could connect with the other guys after all. Or not and it will suck but at least you will be there for him like he was you.
At least get wasted at the wedding I love getting messed up weddings. Im like 8 for 8. I even had too much fun at my dads sisters and mother weddings.

 

[eljefino]

Originally Posted By: rjacket
You should go.

3) They'll probably be some interesting chicks to meet


I've been getting roped in as semi-pro photographer for weddings of friends of friends. Pay is some cash and a couple meals and lots of booze.

They are great places to go and people watch. If you're single, so much the better. There will be an equal number of unhappy women and the bridesmaides' dresses are usually at least slightly attractive.

If the rest of the grooms party makes you angry, you can always say you're going to go mingle, there will be wallflowers and they might be interesting.

 

[OtisBlkR1]

Its one day, do it for your friend. I bet it turns out way better than you expect.. i agree with the above, "its a happy day" its there day not yours, be selfless on there day and do your best to make it stress free for them.

 

[scurvy]

I've been in a similar situation.

The best thing you can do is to be there for him, stuff yourself into the rented monkey suit, smile and keep your fool mouth shut to your previous friends. It's HIS wedding day and is about HIM and his future wife. You should feel honored to be asked by HIM. Put your own ego aside for the day and make it as easy as a day as possible for the groom.

 

[Mr Nice]

Be nice and go, just say hi and bye to the people you don't like.

 

[sciphi]

I'm in a similar situation, except it's family I'm not getting along with too well. About the only reason I was asked is out of courtesy and not to spark a family feud. If I did what I really wanted to, well, it would be ugly. The people involved went out of their way to snub me, and I'd love mightily to return the "favor" with interest. I'm sucking it up, getting into the penguin costume, plastering a fake smile on, then bailing as soon as is tactful. It'll mean less than nothing to the people whose wedding it is, however, it'll mean a lot to the rest of the family.

It's one day, at least you'll get a meal on your buddy's dime, and it'll mean a lot to your buddy.

 

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: Astro14
It's an honor to be asked, this is his one (hopefully) wedding and he's asked you to play a lead role. Your feelings about the rest of the party are nowhere near as important as the fact that you've been asked, and the right thing to do is serve. There's a reason, known only to him, that he asked you, not this other group that you don't care for. Respect that confidence and trust that he's placed in you.


+1. otherwise have something already planned with significant others, and follow through with it.

 

[MuzzleFlash40]

Your not going for them, so who cares if you don't like them. You also dont have to stay all night. Do your part and have dinner and leave.