Having children would make it way more difficult for me to retire in Caligulan splendor.
My youngest daughter drew on our newish Volvo 855 ca 2000. The car door. With a sharp rock.This morning, I was standing outside with my youngest tax deduction, waiting on the school bus to pick her up. Sitting on the bench out front, she sat in my lap, laid her head against my chest, and said "love you, dada." You know what, nothing else matters right now. I'm good to go. Dad life is awesome.
...I'll check back this evening when she finds a marker and starts drawing on the walls or something. lol
My youngest daughter drew on our newish Volvo 855 ca 2000. The car door. With a sharp rock.
There are limits, but you must set and control them.
Because this world is not just horrible, but in many ways, quite amazing and wonderful. I'm now an old man, I don't look back at the past longingly, thinking it was better than today. I do know my life continues to be, and has been filled with, more than enough good.Why would anyone consciously bring a new life to this horrible world?
Because the world has always been horrible in some ways. What? We should just quit as a species?Why would anyone consciously bring a new life to this horrible world? Spend all that energy raising them hoping that things don't go wrong in order to end up with kids whose ultimate decision will be which hell-hole nursing home to put you in?
I am 35 years old, and the other day I stopped to think.
I always said I did not want children
I realized that in life I don't want to be a mouse, the one who lives, works and doesn't even know why. Work costs me effort,
I realize that this is not the best reasoning for wanting a child
I'm sure someone has already been through this and maybe can tell me what they think or give me some advice.
1) I have no children, never wanted any, when I turned 50, I realized I had really screwed up.
2) Society encourages the smartest and healthiest women to get an education, put off childbirth and to work. This uses up the best years and is, in my opinion, diabolical in nature.
3) Employers take advantage of the childless, extended hours/weekends/holidays are fair game to them. As the employee does not have to leave for daycare, little league, doctors, school pickup and 100 other activities. Workers are groomed into wage and lifestyle servants. Especially childless ones. My boss would regularly say, you have no kids, you can work the weekend. From 7:30 AM to 11PM, or what ever nonsense he required. I went 16 years with no vacations, one year, only 19 days off. That's 1 day per month, with an insistence on my part to take a few around christmas, had to beg for that. Hahaha insane, that's how they ran it.
4) I'm old, reasonably well off and the proceeds of all my work does not go to my descendants. Instead, it gets frittered away among various well off relatives, or to some charity (I don't trust or want to give wealth to charity).
5) "IF" I could go back in time, to age 22, (I have a wonderful wife but she never wanted kids) I'd marry an intelligent woman that wanted kids and have 3 or 4, or even 5 children, and I'd start early. I'd not care about the risk of divorce, in my mind, it's worth it for good children, it's worth every last penny.
6) I always knew I was a very capable person, I should have trusted my abilities to provide for a family, instead of worrying about money. This country is incredibly prosperous. Nobody starves here.
But again, what does this old man know? I have only one regret in life and it's a big one. No children.
My wife is a college graduate with a doctoral degree which she used to work for approximately 18 months before deciding she wanted to be a stay-at-home mother. That was 17 years ago. She loves her life and she frequently expresses gratitude for her life. I've never had any problem with her being at home but I'm also glad her education level is similar to mine. She may not use her degrees for work but I love that we can still discuss science, math, history, philosophy, literature, etc. Many of those areas are not my strengths but her strengths. People on average tend to marry people of similar intellect and education and I'm not sure it would be the same if she had stopped her education after high school even if she ended up in the exact same place.I think your assessment is 100% spot on.
I got married early at 24, had first child at 26. I have four total and no regrets.
Young people, especially women are being lied to. Corporate career is not at all fulfilling in most cases.
I think that today education is downplayed, and it should not be. I hope this doesn't make anyone mad, but imho the median person out there cannot even relate to mpgs and how that is determined. Hence the endless posts, "OMG my car got 11 mpg, please help fix!" Need a little more info, don't we? Or the, "Range is never accurate! Car suddenly says only 40 miles left!" I've always wondered, how can a motor vehicle predict the future, i.e. how you're going to be driving for the rest of the tank? Should a person know how many ounces in a quart, half gallon, because these concepts sure don't seem to apply to orange juice and mayonnaise today. So to have a PhD and be a stay at home mom, good for your wife, and good for you that you can provide.My wife is a college graduate with a doctoral degree which she used to work for approximately 18 months before deciding she wanted to be a stay-at-home mother. That was 17 years ago. She loves her life and she frequently expresses gratitude for her life. I've never had any problem with her being at home but I'm also glad her education level is similar to mine. She may not use her degrees for work but I love that we can still discuss science, math, history, philosophy, literature, etc. Many of those areas are not my strengths but her strengths. People on average tend to marry people of similar intellect and education and I'm not sure it would be the same if she had stopped her education after high school even if she ended up in the exact same place.
My point is the power-suit corporate career path may not be as fulfilling as women are told but education is about more than getting a job and it still has tremendous value for women.
I realize that this is a very serious thread. I can also say things have really changed well, isn't it now possible to have the wife and the kids leave? Then attach financially as well, for many years?
Reconsidering....yes, being a Dad was the greatest part of my life.Nope....no comment.
I wonder if court backed, female viciousness could be mitigated by a non marriage contract. stipulating all aspects clearly, with the teeth to enforce it.Reconsidering....yes, being a Dad was the greatest part of my life.
But kids can be used as the most effective weapon possible, and the pain can be incredible.
Hmmm...my life just has intrinsic value to me. Not because I've successfully passed my genes onto the next generation but because I'm having a really great time learning, thinking, discovering, and just living. So far I've had some accomplishments. I've helped people who were down and out/downtrodden and in need. I generally think I make the lives of those around me better; well certainly not worse. Since I don't believe in the afterlife I'm really trying to milk life for all it's worth.I've changed my mind on that, as I mentioned above. I kind of feel my life had no meaning. Just work, fun and in the end, I'm gone along with everything about me. Children change that equation. I'd give up every cent I have if I could go back in time and have 3-4 kids. So, if that's the case, why not look at divorce the same way. It's the children that matter, and providing for them = the meaning of life. In either thought experiment, the money's gone.
As it is, when I die, what good was anything I've done?
It is sometimes possible to have children without marriage, and simply provide. The freedom exists for both parties then. The state might not like that they don't get to control you with indentured servitude (alimony) but that's a win in my book.
I've changed my mind on that, as I mentioned above. I kind of feel my life had no meaning. Just work, fun and in the end, I'm gone along with everything about me. Children change that equation. I'd give up every cent I have if I could go back in time and have 3-4 kids. So, if that's the case, why not look at divorce the same way. It's the children that matter, and providing for them = the meaning of life. In either thought experiment, the money's gone.
As it is, when I die, what good was anything I've done?
It is sometimes possible to have children without marriage, and simply provide. The freedom exists for both parties then. The state might not like that they don't get to control you with indentured servitude (alimony) but that's a win in my book.
Would I give a kidney, step in front of a bus, or attempt to wrestle a grizzly bear to save my children today? You bet! However, there are circumstances where I would most definitely NOT "do anything" for my children. Here are just a few...A man's wealth is not measured by his bank account. I am a wealthy man, financially but my greatest asset are my children. I would give up every dime, chew off both arms and both legs for my kids. The joy of watching them grow up and become men or women is priceless.