Originally Posted By: Huie83
It totally depends on the woman and the situation. All women are different, you could find a wonderful woman with kids or a complete nut job. It's important to take the time to get to know the woman first and introduce the kids later. I mean, really get to know her. In my experience women hide all their flaws in the beginning and they come out over a few years, make sure none of them are major... Usually dating younger women is better, they don't have as many issues from past relationships etc.
My wife has two kids who were 4 and 5 when we got married, we have one of our own now.
Things you will have to deal with as a step Dad:
- You aren't their real Dad and will struggle for respect.
- Unless her and her ex are in perfect standing, there will be legal battles, custody paperwork changes, child support paperwork and some pretty major $$ spent on this.
- "Our Dad let's us drink a case of soda a day, play mature rated games and stay up all night, why don't you? We never get to do anything fun here". Have fun dealing with the co-parents bad decisions.
- For whatever reason she will be more protective of her kids and scrutinize how you treat them. For example; my wife got all huffy yesterday because I called her boys "weenies" for not wanting to go out and play in the rain. They are 9 and 10 mind you. I was just trying to make a point that when I was a kid I played in the rain and it was fun. She got all offended that I called her boys a name...Whatever... If I called my son a weenie in joking she wouldn't bat a eye.
That being said, it can be a great thing also. Taking the kids under your wing and raising them is a big accomplishment. It is a TON of work to be a good parent so just make sure you have done what you want to do on your own and that you can sacrifice "you" time for the kids, they always come first.
You forgot:
You will ALWAYS be second-fiddle (at best) in the relationship.
Unless you net yourself a rich widow or heiress, any man that gets married needs his head examined. It's like Russian roulette with three in the cylinder.