neighbor vandalized my floodlight, my options?

[OVERKILL]

I think it would do you good to live somewhere different. A middle class community here, at least in places that aren't the 'shwa or directly in and around the GTA, are very nice to live in. You'd love the villages of Lakefield, Millbrook..etc. Where somebody with a middle class income can have a nice house, yard, and great neighbours.

I think the phrase I used might indeed sound a little "buzz wordy" perhaps, but to me, it fit what you were describing, which was why I used it, LOL!

And the stereotype is basically what you've describe with your neighbourhood. People are afraid of those that live around them, doors are always locked, and people isolate/insulate themselves from others; there is very little sense of community. There is a fear of getting shot or stabbed.

We've had a few stabbings in my town in the last couple of years and everybody is freaking out about it because it used to be a place where you'd feel comfortable going downtown at 3:00AM by yourself without worry. Unfortunately some of the more liberal well-to-do's thought it was bright to setup methadone clinics here and then when we had too many meth heads, that it would be logical to make more methadone clinics. They seem oblivious to the connection between the increase in these types and the fact that they are catering to them. That their actions are bringing more of them here

The same goes for the homeless warming shelters, which we now have quite a few of. And not surprisingly, we also have an increase in homeless downtown.

These two "programs" are systematically dismantling the downtown. Businesses are dying because nobody wants to go down there and get exposed to these types. I don't blame them.

That said, we still have an entire street that holds a garage sale once a year that the whole neighbourhood gets in on. There's a lady down the street that sells candles and has candle parties. We've got a local jogging group that many of the wives are part of and several local churches of varying denominations that are regularly attended every weekend. We are generally a pretty tightly knit community and that's why the blight on the downtown is so bothersome. It is an issue that we are all aware of yet it seems the city continues to cater to the imbeciles who are furthering the issue

 

[Al]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Send the wife to talk to this neighbor?

Hopefully you are kidding or don't understand that some men love their wives and do everything to keep them from harm.

Assuming you are kidding. Yea..send her over and in full view of yourself. Have your handgun anc cell phone handy. When he answers the door give him a few moments and then have her run away screaming he is assaulting her. Immediately call the police and run out there to her. And if he follows her..shoot him on your own property. Yea I'm kidding but I did think of it.

Originally Posted By: andrewg

Good gosh...."A culture of fear"?? What media soundbite did you grab that from? What a silly phrase.

No, not all American neighborhoods are dangerous or cause one to pause before talking with a neighbor. But given the explanation and description of the OP's neighbor.....it would be wise to avoid confrontation as this guy is obviously a flake.

I grant you your opinion however. I hope you grant me mine.

Most middle class communities in my neck of the woods are rife with druggies and violent types. Yes...I need to move. This is my second move in three years attempting to get into a better community....but it's almost everywhere. Just yesterday a local moron was driving his four wheeler around the neighborhood streets going about 40mph. It's illegal...and children are at risk as well as being highly annoying. I wave the guy down and ask him to please stop and explain to him the reasons why. He flips me off and laughs as he drives off.

Afraid of my neighbors? Not really....but I would not trust them in times of crisis....let alone knock on a door with a problem.

Where I live (and have lived before this) people are nutty and have ZERO class.


Andrew you are a realist like I. There are others on this board that think differently for some reason. Not saying this about 'all' Canadians but I assume since in many Cases when the "government" doesn't allolw you to defend yourself.many drink the Koolaid and figure they are safe.
I try not to leave important things to chance. I almost always agree with you. And of course I do now.

The OP is in a difficult situation. Gone are the days when you can confront people the way this guy needs confronting.

 

[doitmyself]

Originally Posted By: OVERKILL
I think it would do you good to live somewhere different. A middle class community here, at least in places that aren't the 'shwa or directly in and around the GTA, are very nice to live in. You'd love the villages of Lakefield, Millbrook..etc. Where somebody with a middle class income can have a nice house, yard, and great neighbours.

I think the phrase I used might indeed sound a little "buzz wordy" perhaps, but to me, it fit what you were describing, which was why I used it, LOL!

And the stereotype is basically what you've describe with your neighbourhood. People are afraid of those that live around them, doors are always locked, and people isolate/insulate themselves from others; there is very little sense of community. There is a fear of getting shot or stabbed.


Your ideas are admirable, but are as flawed as the idea that living in a rural farm area is guaranteed bliss. Your idea is based on one data point, yours.

A bad boss can make the best job in the world a nightmare. In the same vein, it takes only one bad neighbor to make your living place the same nightmare. Sure, one should take on life positively and you can certainly hedge your bets by choosing a good living place, but there are still no guarantees.

I have lived in rural areas where the people were backwards, clannish, and despised outsiders. Everyone knew your business. The saving grace was that you had no immediate neighbors. My grandparents retired in a rural area and the hooligans targeted their area as easy pickings (stealing) whenever residents went away.

On the opposite end, I have lived in suburban areas where it was as you described Overkill, the neighborhood was like family.

The OP may not have the option to move. It's a tough call what to do. Lowering oneself to their level is definitely wrong. Conflict resolution is difficult if you're dealing with a looney. Have open communication IF it is feasible. Otherwise, proceed with caution. Best of luck to you.

 

[MrHorspwer]

Originally Posted By: OVERKILL
Why don't you go over to his house, knock on his door and kindly ask him [censored] he's doing?

I think the mods can lock this thread now.

The best response was the very first one.

 

[Cutehumor]

I like to have a peaceful resolution to all of this. If he wants my backyard lights off, that's not negotiable. One light switch controls all four floodlights for my backyard. I can use a lower wattage bulb, reaim it, or even plant a tree. I get the feeling it won't be enough. I'm going to go shopping for a lock for my fence now.

 

[grampi]

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
I think the OP is worried about going over to speak to his neighbor.


Where do you live Mr. Nice? Mayberry?

This idiot sounds like he's got mental issues. The risk to go over to his property and knock on his door is not worth taking. People today have been shot for less.

This guy could also say that he was being threatened. It could all get turned around against the OP. He could also get his car vandalized in return or some other property damage. The neighbor is a nut job.

The OP should record what he can record....then get with the police and make them "protect and serve" the community. Thinking you are Ward Cleaver and talking things out like a decent human being....is dangerous and ill-advised these days.

Sad...but that is how it is.



Yep!

 

[Touring5]

This one hits close to home for me. We have a neighbor that replaced a flood light with what appears to be a 500 W halogen unit. Because of the elevation differences, even with the light pointed (slightly) down, it shines directly on our house. Because they only turned it on when it was needed, it was never a problem until someone else moved in there. The new neighbors leave it on all night (sometimes all day). The fixture in question is probably 150' from our house, but is so bright that it really lights up the rooms that face that direction. I mentioned it to the new neighbor when they moved in, asking if he could aim it down a bit. I don't know if he did or not, but it hasn't made much of a difference. I understand the desire for privacy, but literally living in a spotlight can be annoying - especially in the summer when we're out on the patio at night.(sometimes I do shadow puppets on the side of the house).

Still, annoying as it may be, it's not your neighbors place to touch your property. A motion detector, dual-brite, or even lower wattage bulbs might help the situation.

 

[MNgopher]

For the record, I'm not a cop Andrewg. A quick check of my profile would tell you that. I do work with our code enforcement officer, Sherriff, and attorneys office on ordinance and code violations.

Apparently I live in a much different world where I don't live in constant fear and paranoia. Have weird things happened to me? Yes. Had my truck vandalized by a drunk chick thinking it was her boyfriends. Had the plates stolen off of another vehicle. Stuff happens. Doesn't make me live in fear or not trust my neighbors. We all know each other and talk. That's what being a neighbor is. Set the tone. Don't feed the paranoia.

I'm going to go enjoy my day now, and not be paranoid about everyone else. Must be an exhausting existence...

 

[antiqueshell]

Don't engage that neighbor, you know that there is something wrong with him, at least mentally, and it won't solve your problems long term. Like others said get clear video of this nutcase and present it to law enforcement (make sure it is date and time stamped correctly too)

The only thing that will solve your problem is legal action by the authorities.

 

[Pop_Rivit]

Originally Posted By: OVERKILL
Why don't you go over to his house, knock on his door and kindly ask him [censored] he's doing?

Agreed. Just go talk to him and find out what the problem is. Then work it out from there.

Originally Posted By: andrewg
Where I live (and have lived before this) people are nutty and have ZERO class.


I'm sure they are. All of them.

 

[OVERKILL]

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell
Don't engage that neighbor, you know that there is something wrong with him, at least mentally, and it won't solve your problems long term. Like others said get clear video of this nutcase and present it to law enforcement (make sure it is date and time stamped correctly too)

The only thing that will solve your problem is legal action by the authorities.


But that doesn't "solve" anything. This guy is his neighbour, perhaps he's just anti-confrontational? Those people exist and often poorly express themselves through passive-aggressive tactics like this hoping to "hint" their point across so they don't need to actually talk to the person.

He might actually be a really decent guy that just doesn't like having face-to-face talks about problems

If he goes and talks to the guy, asks him what's bothering him about the lights and if there's anything he can do to make the situation right, because he's not removing the lights, but he can adjust them so they are less obnoxious (if that's the problem) then they can come to an amicable arrangement where they can be on good terms going forward. Injecting the law into this situation is just going to make it more awkward and further the fear and divide between these people that live next to each other. That's not a good, nor healthy way to live.

 

[wrcsixeight]

I dislike light pollution and can understand the frustration, but cannot abide by the neighbor's actions.

I think this can be resolved without resorting to the neighbors mentality level. If it does come down to videotape evidence, and police involvement, what good is going to come from it?

An even angrier mentally unstable neighbor? What happens when he goes on the next drinking binge and gets all worked up about your floodlights?

How about instead of 200 watt flood lights, 75 watt spotlights lighting up only what is required.

If some attempt is shown to be respectful of one's neighbors, then Hatfield and McCoy antics can be avoided.

Bringing the police into it should be the last resort, not the first.

 

[antiqueshell]

Originally Posted By: OVERKILL


But that doesn't "solve" anything. This guy is his neighbour, perhaps he's just anti-confrontational? Those people exist and often poorly express themselves through passive-aggressive tactics like this hoping to "hint" their point across so they don't need to actually talk to the person.


There is SOMETHING MENTALLY WRONG with that neighbour.If this nitwit was not interested in directly discussing things face to face he could have simply written a nice letter asking cute to dim the lights. He did NOT. He trespassed NUMEROUS TIMES and also vandalized his lighting units, and his behavior frightened cute's wife.

I've dealt with plenty of these types, talking will get you nowhere, if anything it escalates the problem.
Unfortunately in the US today the best approach with someone like that is to let law enforcement be the intermediary between the sane cutehumor, and the insane troublemaker. I am going to guess that cute would ask the officers to inquire of the subject as to what his issue is. Perhaps it is the lights (or maybe not) then the officers can tell cute what said idiots issue is and then cute can do what the police communicate to him. This lets the mentally unstable suspect know that if things escalate he will be dealing with possible arrest. Unfortunately many today only understand one thing, and that is serious consequences for their actions against others.

 

[OVERKILL]

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell


There is SOMETHING MENTALLY WRONG with that neighbour.


So you are a psychologist and have personally run a psychological evaluation of this person or are you just shooting from the hip here?

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell
If this nitwit was not interested in directly discussing things face to face he could have simply written a nice letter asking cute to dim the lights. He did NOT. He trespassed NUMEROUS TIMES and also vandalized his lighting units, and his behavior frightened cute's wife.


But that doesn't fit the with passive-aggressive behaviour model here. Usually people capable of writing such letters aren't the same type resorting to these petty passive-aggressive techniques.

That doesn't make him dangerous nor does it point to something being "seriously mentally wrong". It makes him a passive-aggressive douche, certainly, but that alone doesn't speak to his psychological state.

One of the guys I work with recently got his masters in conflict management and held a course for the rest of us on it as part of our company get together. How different people with different personalities respond to and handle conflict is an amazing subject. And these are "normal" people that don't fit some profile for being mentally unstable.

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell
I've dealt with plenty of these types, talking will get you nowhere, if anything it escalates the problem.



Based on a lot of your posts on this board I don't doubt this at all. I also doubt it is necessarily the fault of the other person

Quotes like this one kind of prove my point:

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell
But honestly, whom gets to decide if being racially aware and indeed those who discriminate based on race is indeed a negative?

It seems that certain groups get to decide this and then tell the rest of us what to think, and in turn what to do. I totally disagree with that. I find that there are many valid reasons to discriminate based on race. Whether others agree or not with those individuals is none of their business.


I doubt you are an easy person to get along with in real life if you aren't white and bigoted and feel the rest of the world is out to get you

I'm not saying you are a bad guy BTW. Simply that you have a lot of very polar and very strong views on topics that somebody who is more moderate or doesn't have views that in any way align with your own might not be able to get over, which is going to work to further whatever divide or conflict you have going on.

 

[Mr Nice]

Of course I'm kidding about sending his wife to talk to the guy.

That bright light might be keeping them awake at night.

 

[antiqueshell]

Originally Posted By: OVERKILL

So you are a psychologist and have personally run a psychological evaluation of this person or are you just shooting from the hip here?



The subject does NOT know boundaries, that is part of being healthy mentally, he committed criminal acts as well, including repeated acts of trespass, and vandalism.

You don't have to be a clinical professional to realize that the subject is troubled mentally.
Quote:

I doubt you are an easy person to get along with in real life if you aren't white and bigoted and feel the rest of the world is out to get you

I'm not saying you are a bad guy BTW. Simply that you have a lot of very polar and very strong views on topics that somebody who is more moderate or doesn't have views that in any way align with your own might not be able to get over, which is going to work to further whatever divide or conflict you have going on.


I am a VERY easy person to get along with IF you follow the law, and western societal norms.

If not, we will obviously have a problem, and yes if someone REPEATEDLY trespasses on my property and vandalizes things, the law will be called and legal action will be taken. Bottom line is whatever race you are if you violate those basic norms of our society you will be made to pay so a lesson is learned and the violations won't be committed again.

 

[OVERKILL]

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell

The subject does NOT know boundaries, that is part of being healthy mentally, he committed criminal acts as well, including repeated acts of trespass, and vandalism.

You don't have to be a clinical professional to realize that the subject is troubled mentally.


You've just described how many teenagers?

I know people like this guy, I wouldn't classify them as mentally ill. They are [censored]holes, certainly, but they are that way because they can't stand confrontation so they resort to these childish games. It is a just a personality type.

If this guy was smashing the fixtures or breaking the bulbs in the guy's driveway; if he was actually DAMAGING things, my view would be a bit different, but he isn't. He is being a nuisance but he has not permanently damaged anything.

We are both evaluating this person from the OP's perspective. It is obvious you and I have two very different ways of evaluating people. I'm not saying my way is "better" or anything, but I generally get along with everybody (despite being quite antisocial) when I am in a situation where it is required or appropriate. I keep myself on good terms with those that live around me because that's the best for me, for them, and for my family. Generally, it is a good practice to keep on good terms with your neighbours even if you don't particularly like them or unless they make it impossible. So far this person has demonstrated that he may not be easy to get along with; may be immature and inclined toward passive-aggressive behaviour, but that doesn't mean that, at this point, they cannot work to at least get along. I'm not saying become friends, but at least come to an understanding that leaves both parties satisfied.

IMHO, getting the law involved may do nothing other than make the neighbour resort to even more goofy stuff and certainly increase the fear/anxiety level of the OP because that's what he'd be expecting too; a situation of "what's this guy going to do next to get back at me for getting him in trouble with the cops?"

 

[spasm3]

A 40-50 year old man acting this way is not socially normal. See my earlier post. I would catch evidence first, then make a report in case this problem escalates. The burden of the conversation is on him since he is exhibiting the behavior. Clearly he is not interested in a conversation, otherwise he would have asked if you could reaim the floodlights. So 2 game cameras, one on the door and one on the light, place when he is not home, and so they are not noticeable. After catching evidence, then you can decide if you want to approach him about it. If you do approach him, i would record the conversation.

 

[Whitewolf]

How about a man trap?

 

[antiqueshell]

Originally Posted By: spasm3
A 40-50 year old man acting this way is not socially normal. See my earlier post. I would catch evidence first, then make a report in case this problem escalates. The burden of the conversation is on him since he is exhibiting the behavior. Clearly he is not interested in a conversation, otherwise he would have asked if you could reaim the floodlights. So 2 game cameras, one on the door and one on the light, place when he is not home, and so they are not noticeable. After catching evidence, then you can decide if you want to approach him about it. If you do approach him, i would record the conversation.


Thank you. Exactly.

Not that I would tolerate kids trespassing on my property repeatedly, and vandalizing things.

Same thing applies with anyone...IF I see you the first time I give a verbal warning with the consequences that will happen if the actions do not cease. Second time I use video and audio to record illegal actions, call law enforcement and press charges if possible.