Originally Posted By: javacontour
I think what folks call "too nice" is really relationship weakness.
The person is too weak. They won't stand up for what they want.
Now the other side of that, the "too hard" guy that's mentioned above is also a manifestation of too weak. They have to hide behind the hard persona to protect themselves.
Relationships are not for the weak. Marriage isn't for wimps. I know that both I and my ex-wife carried certain weaknesses into our marriage. I put up with a lot of crud. That was my form of weakness. Willingness to suffer, to be a martyr for the relationship. Her? She wasn't willing to speak up and be honest. If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
But instead of being honest and saying I want X, Y or Z when I asked, she went out and had an affair.
Yep, I said it. Being unfaithful is a manifestation of relationship weakness. It's not macho, or a "you go girl" sort of thing. Lying to your partner is the ultimate form of weakness on display. You are not strong or mature enough to tell your partner the truth about how things are.
So what we call "too nice" or "too hard" or "too submissive" or "too controlling" or "too name_any_negative_attribute" is really just your relationship weakness manifested.
So I would add to the above excellent suggestions of be yourself and have fun to be strong and be honest. Any coward can lie or cheat, or not say anything. It takes relationship strength to be honest with your partner and tell him/her when things are bad for you and how you would like to see them addressed.
And if you don't know, be honest, but also be strong enough to say, I'm your partner so I'm willing to work with you to find a solution to the problem.
It doesn't take any strength or courage to lie, cheat, give up, walk-away or any other similar action. It takes strength and character to be a partner someone can count on in every aspect imaginable. At the very least, you should be someone one can count on to do no harm. You may not know the answers to a difficult problem or situation, but you are committed to not being part of the problem by making it worse.
Gets off soapbox now...
Good stuff there JC! I agree and can relate. I realized I needed to be a better communicator...and did.