Need advice from the boys. Girlfriend wants kids......

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
I'm talking about if you wife is gone and you are 80 years old and nobody to visit you in hospital when you are sick ?


I'll be dead long before 80...my wife might live to be 100, I won't. She got very good genes, I got bad ones.

 

[wtd]

I personally wouldn't have kids that late in life. I don't have the energy or the patience. My fiance' has a 16 year old that I want to murder half of the time.

My ex-wife and I had our kids in our later 20's and I thought that was pretty late in life compared to most of my friends and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have had any kids. I'm still paying child support at age 51 which sucks.

If you really do not want kids, I would not have any to appease some one else. Having kids is a big life changer and if you are already low on energy, having kids is not going to help.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

 

[ryan2022]

Thanks a ton guys. I think it may have come to a head. I think the fact that I posted here was enough to cause me pause....even though I love this site.

I just dont have a great feeling about it, and I have no connection with the emotion to having kids at this point....I just feel numb towards it.

Anyway. Much appreciated. I'll keep you posted.

 

[BrianF]

Hey just an add on to my previous post.. My oldest, who is almost 10 came for a run with me the other day. the kid has got talent and was great to have her as a running partner. I barely whooped her at the wind sprints at the end. My 8 year old was on the trampoline doing flips and hand stands. Guess this guy needs to step it up but the pride I felt after was massive! I have never felt anything like that in my job, hobbies or elsewhere.

 

[ryan2022]

Thanks BrianF. That's pretty cool actually. The tough part is that when my kiddos are 15 I'll be 55. Lol still fighting the good fight but maybe not wind sprints after 15 years of parenting.

 

[Cujet]

Originally Posted by ryan2022
Thanks a ton guys. I think it may have come to a head. I think the fact that I posted here was enough to cause me pause....even though I love this site.
I just dont have a great feeling about it, and I have no connection with the emotion to having kids at this point....I just feel numb towards it.
Anyway. Much appreciated. I'll keep you posted.


I get that. Hard to get excited about something you have little interest in.

It would be rather interesting if you could get back to us when you are 55 years old and tell us if, by then, you changed your mind like I did.

 

[Quattro Pete]

I had my son at 40. Do I wish I had him in my 20s so that I had more stamina to chase him around? Sure. But I also wasn't as financially stable back then, which means I wouldn't have been able to provide him the same quality of life; although kids care less about these things than parents do.

Do I regret having him at 40? Not at all. Parenting is not easy, but it has its joys and I am thankful for being able to experience it in my life.

Would I do it over again (at 40)? Yes. I'd like to think that being a father has made me a better person. With that said, parenting is not for everyone and I fully respect those who choose not to have kids.

 

[TheLawnRanger]

I think a man is still in the game as long as he has children in his home. Getting older means you have a lot of knowledge to pass along but you can also learn a lot from the kids if you raise them right. If nothing else, I have someone to tell exciting facts about the benefits of quality motor oil and filters along with a nice website to learn even more when needed.

 

[Vikas]

This probably isn't the best place to get relationship advice especially for somebody whose fiancee is a doctor. You are in the wrong crowd of virtual "missing tooth rednecks" guys to get help in this area.

 

[Tdog02]

I agree with Vikas, but will share my thoughts.

Second marriage and wife stated she didn't think she wanted kids. Fast forward to 6 years in and she changed her mind. Dang near the ages of the OP. Fast forward to now, we have a beautiful 13 yr old daughter and life is good. So my question to the OP is this... what do you want? Kids, houses, cars, vacations, etc... will not save a marriage. If you have strong feelings against it then don't do it. I think it was an absolute blessing and am glad I did it! Life is good!!

I also agree with previous posts about checking your health, you shouldn't be tired all the time.

 

[MCompact]

Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
I had my son at 40. Do I wish I had him in my 20s so that I had more stamina to chase him around? Sure. But I also wasn't as financially stable back then, which means I wouldn't have been able to provide him the same quality of life; although kids care less about these things than parents do.

Do I regret having him at 40? Not at all. Parenting is not easy, but it has its joys and I am thankful for being able to experience it in my life.

Would I do it over again (at 40)? Yes. I'd like to think that being a father has made me a better person. With that said, parenting is not for everyone and I fully respect those who choose not to have kids.


I had my son at 37, and I agree with everything you said except for wishing I'd had him in my 20s; my wife and I were married for 8 years before he was born and during those years we did a lot of traveling and I was able to play with some interesting cars. Having a kid changes your priorities, and overall the changes are in a positive direction.

 

[NGRhodes]

In 20 years time would you look back and think I wish I had had kids ?

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted by MCompact
I had my son at 37, and I agree with everything you said except for wishing I'd had him in my 20s; my wife and I were married for 8 years before he was born and during those years we did a lot of traveling and I was able to play with some interesting cars.

True. We were married for 5 years before ours was born and did a good amount of travel as well, and I did own a few bikes.

Having him slowed our travels a little, but only a little.

 

[Sandres]

I love children, I have two. To be honest, I remember the first 4 years of their life and I understand you perfectly. When my wife got pregnant, we have not had time to discuss whether I want children. Now I'm happy that I have children. I'm glad that I became a father at 23, when I had strength and energy for fatherhood. I don't want to convince you that you need children. I want to say that if your partner wants children, then you should honestly tell her that you don't want to or discuss alternative options (the adoption of an adult child, for example). Perhaps if the appetite comes with eating, then the desire of children can appear during your girl's pregnancy. But I would not risk it.