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bad metaphors #4601136
12/11/17 10:32 PM
12/11/17 10:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 395
Texas
BalticBob Offline OP
BalticBob  Offline OP
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 395
Texas
1) His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

2) He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.

3) She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Texas beef.

4) She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

5) Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

6) He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

7) The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated came as a
rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

8) The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

9) From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

10) Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

11) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

12) Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

13) Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

14) The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

15) The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

16) He was as lame as a duck.
Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame.

17) The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her,
like a dog at a fire hydrant.

18) He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.

Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601142
12/11/17 10:43 PM
12/11/17 10:43 PM
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 7,132
Waco, TX
Linctex Offline
Linctex  Offline
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 7,132
Waco, TX
I wish I had know these when taking High School English & Literature/Writing.

My teacher had a great sense of humor... she would've loved these!


"The evidence demands a verdict".
(Re:VOA)"it's nearly impossible to actually know the particular additives that are in there at what concentrations."
Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601182
12/12/17 12:27 AM
12/12/17 12:27 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,220
Port Orange, Florida
Panzerman Offline
Panzerman  Offline
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,220
Port Orange, Florida
Pretty Good! Really enjoyed, Thanks!!



2006 Dodge Ram 2500 Hemi 4x4
2016 Dodge Challenger Scat Pack
Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601201
12/12/17 01:48 AM
12/12/17 01:48 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5,660
Fort Lauderdale, FL
DoubleWasp Offline
DoubleWasp  Offline
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5,660
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Is it weird that in my head, all of those were narrated by Leslie Nielson?


07 Lincoln Navigator M1 0w-40/FU
68 Charger R/T / Supercharged 440 VR1/DBL7349
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Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601204
12/12/17 02:32 AM
12/12/17 02:32 AM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 41,527
'Stralia
Shannow Online content
Shannow  Online Content
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 41,527
'Stralia
Number 8 is a rip off of Douglass Adams

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”



Terry Pratchet had some great ones in his stories too...

Here's some that he used in life

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/terry-pratchett-best-quotes/

Re: bad metaphors [Re: Linctex] #4601255
12/12/17 06:40 AM
12/12/17 06:40 AM
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 994
PENNSYLVANIA
JeepWJ19 Offline
JeepWJ19  Offline
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 994
PENNSYLVANIA
Should update the title to "bad similes and metaphors"

Lots of "likes" and "as" in there.


2002 Jeep WJ 4.0 | Mobil 1 HM 5w30 |
TG8A | 2.5" lift | 148k miles

Software Engineer :]
Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601256
12/12/17 06:42 AM
12/12/17 06:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 82
Appalachia
Wurlitzer Offline
Wurlitzer  Offline
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 82
Appalachia
This all sounds like a Wes Anderson film.

Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601278
12/12/17 07:25 AM
12/12/17 07:25 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 318
NC
fenixguy Offline
fenixguy  Offline
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 318
NC
Originally Posted By: BalticBob

14) The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.


That one's actually pretty good.

Originally Posted By: DoubleWasp
Is it weird that in my head, all of those were narrated by Leslie Nielson?


Is it weird that I logged in just to make that comment???? cheers


'16 Frontier SV 4x4-PP/Nissan OEM
'08 CR-V EX AWD-Valvoline Syn MaxLife/Fram TG
'01 Civic EX-Valvoline Syn MaxLife/Fram UG
'00 Civic LX-PYB/Fram UG
Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4601327
12/12/17 08:30 AM
12/12/17 08:30 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,831
The land of USA-made Subies!
SubieRubyRoo Offline
SubieRubyRoo  Offline
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,831
The land of USA-made Subies!
14 was my favorite as well. Probably because it's the closest to matching real life.

Re: bad metaphors [Re: SubieRubyRoo] #4601517
12/12/17 10:56 AM
12/12/17 10:56 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,933
Champlain/Hudson Valley
Kira Offline
Kira  Offline
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,933
Champlain/Hudson Valley
I laughed a lot. #9 gets my vote.

Re: bad metaphors [Re: JeepWJ19] #4601538
12/12/17 11:21 AM
12/12/17 11:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,039
Las Vegas
ArrestMeRedZ Offline
ArrestMeRedZ  Offline
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,039
Las Vegas
Originally Posted By: JeepWJ19
Should update the title to "bad similes and metaphors"

Lots of "likes" and "as" in there.


Good point! I was laughing so hard I completely missed that none of them are metaphors.

A simile uses like or as. In a metaphor, one thing becomes another. All of them used like or as, except one in which it was implied.

The title of this would be "Bad Similes", but very few would associate with that, and while incorrect, "Bad Metaphors" sounds better.

Last edited by ArrestMeRedZ; 12/12/17 11:23 AM. Reason: Bad not good!
Re: bad metaphors [Re: ArrestMeRedZ] #4601892
12/12/17 05:37 PM
12/12/17 05:37 PM
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 994
PENNSYLVANIA
JeepWJ19 Offline
JeepWJ19  Offline
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 994
PENNSYLVANIA
Originally Posted By: ArrestMeRedZ


Good point! I was laughing so hard I completely missed that none of them are metaphors.

A simile uses like or as. In a metaphor, one thing becomes another. All of them used like or as, except one in which it was implied.

The title of this would be "Bad Similes", but very few would associate with that, and while incorrect, "Bad Metaphors" sounds better.


Agreed, "Bad metaphors" sounds better than "Bad similes" haha


2002 Jeep WJ 4.0 | Mobil 1 HM 5w30 |
TG8A | 2.5" lift | 148k miles

Software Engineer :]
Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4604003
12/14/17 11:16 PM
12/14/17 11:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 395
Texas
BalticBob Offline OP
BalticBob  Offline OP
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 395
Texas
Let me get this straight......
metaphors are like a simile but only different, as Mobil 1 is like oil in another container with a different name?

Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4604822
12/15/17 07:04 PM
12/15/17 07:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,039
Las Vegas
ArrestMeRedZ Offline
ArrestMeRedZ  Offline
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,039
Las Vegas
If I recall from high school 48 years ago, a simile is a comparison using like or as. In a metaphor one thing becomes another.

Simile: The CEO charged into the boardroom like a bull, causing the Directors to cower in their chairs as he glowered at them.

Metaphor: The CEO was an angry snorting bull. He affixed the CFO in his sights and skewered him on his horns, citing his lack of support on the recent corporate acquisition.

Disclaimer. I'm an engineer, not an English major. I not write well, as Steve Martin would say.

Re: bad metaphors [Re: BalticBob] #4604931
12/15/17 09:21 PM
12/15/17 09:21 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,027
Winnipeg MB CA
Number_35 Offline
Number_35  Offline
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,027
Winnipeg MB CA
These are outstanding! Baltic Bob, are they yours?

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