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Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? #4574606
11/15/17 07:45 AM
11/15/17 07:45 AM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 804
BerksCounty/Pa.
thorromig Offline OP
thorromig  Offline OP
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 804
BerksCounty/Pa.
My GF just informed me last nite that she is pregnant, she repeated her pregnancy test today this morning when she woke up -- for sure its positive. I am in total shock for various reasons, I am a home owner & she is 37 with no prior children neither. This was not planned or premeditated at the least. Lots of things going through my mind at this moment. TOTAL life changer, children/babies are a "huge" responsibility on a daily basis. Not sure what to make of this at the moment.

Last edited by thorromig; 11/15/17 07:48 AM.

00 Dodge Ram 5.2L 4x4 Edge 10W30 FU (91K)
08 Acura TL Type S 3.5L PUPP 5W20 FU (101K)
17 Jetta TSI SE 1.4L Turbo - Edge 0W40 FU (Hers) (4K)
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574615
11/15/17 07:51 AM
11/15/17 07:51 AM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,319
Germantown, MD
greenjp Offline
greenjp  Offline
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,319
Germantown, MD
um, congrats? smile

If you weren't planning and premeditating NOT to have a baby, well you know about the birds and the bees grin

Yes it is a total life changer (I'm 40 and have 3). For the good unless you're one of those guys who's going to lose it when you realize you can't just keep doing all the same stuff.

jeff

Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574618
11/15/17 07:55 AM
11/15/17 07:55 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 377
DFW
Timo325 Offline
Timo325  Offline
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 377
DFW
Having kids was one of the best things to ever happen to me.. I hope you will feel the same way in the future.

Don't think that having a child should force you into marriage or anything like that.

Congrats! banana

Last edited by Timo325; 11/15/17 07:56 AM.

2011 Odyssey Touring Elite 80k mi. M1 EP, 0W-20, FU
2008 Mustang GT 81k mi. Edge EP (Gold) 5W-20, FU

Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574625
11/15/17 08:00 AM
11/15/17 08:00 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,198
Campbellsville, KY
Alex_V Offline
Alex_V  Offline
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,198
Campbellsville, KY
I'm only 26, but my first was born late September. This year has been, financially, my worst so far, nothing but as-much-work-as-possible and trying to conserve money, and I certainly hope you can say more for yourself, for your sake. I've not yet found some figurative brick wall that some people seem to think comes when you have a child. Having to put BITOG down for a few minutes to hold my son while wifey does something? Yes. But it's precious and I have stages when I'm too wrapped up in BITOG anyway so it's a good dose of perspective. It reduces our flexibility as a couple some but the changes are gradual and even subtle for the most part. Not a ton more expense, either.

Unless your lifestyle is on the more frivolous end of the spectrum it really shouldn't be that difficult to start incorporating an addition late next summer into your plans. And unless you totally fail at parenting, you'll grow from and through this.

Oh, and congrats!

Last edited by Alex_V; 11/15/17 08:01 AM.

To quote a friend, "Synthetics, man."

'85 GMC C3500, 454, 132K
'82 Mercedes 300CD, OM617 turbo, 173K (totaled 2018, in rehab)
'85 Mercedes 300TD, OM617 turbo, 217K (wife's)
'67 Suburban, 350, 331K
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574652
11/15/17 08:20 AM
11/15/17 08:20 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,410
In the Garage...
ls1mike Offline
ls1mike  Offline
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,410
In the Garage...
Congratulations.

Ummmm 45? I had my first at 31. I am 43 today. Good luck man. I couldn't imagine dealing with diapers, late nights and other kids stuff right now.
Certainly changes the dynamics of a relationship.

Having said that I love my kids and now that the boy is 12 he is a lot of fun. If you are like 90 percent of the population you will just be winging this "parent" thing. So don't be too hard on yourself. It will be fun and you will laugh...a lot.


Mike
00 Trans Am WS6 5.7 LS1
02 Silverado 2500HD 6.0
14 Caprice PPV 6.0
15 Malibu LTZ Turbo
12 Passport TT
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574654
11/15/17 08:22 AM
11/15/17 08:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 36,597
Great Lakes
Quattro Pete Offline
Quattro Pete  Offline
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 36,597
Great Lakes
Congratulations!

Yes, it's a life changer and you will have to make lots of adjustments to your current life style, but these things have a a way of working themselves out if you embrace them.

My kid was born when I was 40. In some ways it's good to have kids later because you are better prepared for it financially and more responsible. In other ways it's not good because physically your body may not be able to handle the new parent duties as well as if you were in your 20s. Still, parenthood is great, IMO, but it's not for everyone.


'02 530i (Edge 0W-40)
'15 Q5 3.0T (Edge 5W-40)
'18 Charger SRT (PUP 0W-40 SRT)
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574662
11/15/17 08:27 AM
11/15/17 08:27 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,220
Port Orange, Florida
Panzerman Offline
Panzerman  Offline
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,220
Port Orange, Florida
I agree with Alex but its not as financial draining as people make it out to be.
Responsibilty and time Consuming is what most new Dad's can't handle.
I had my children in my late twenties and got it over with.
It was fun. I hope you enjoy it. I think alot of men are more mature by 45.
I helped my wife with everything. I ve known men that never changed a diaper on thier Children. They probably weren't ready.

Last edited by Panzerman; 11/15/17 08:28 AM.


2006 Dodge Ram 2500 Hemi 4x4
2016 Dodge Challenger Scat Pack
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574687
11/15/17 08:43 AM
11/15/17 08:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,758
Hudson, NH
LeakySeals Offline
LeakySeals  Offline
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,758
Hudson, NH
Its that your grampa? No, its my dad... laugh

Seriously, congrats. Will be easier at your age cause you are more financially secure, smarter, wiser.


06 Escalade 6.0L LQ9 AWD 165k M1 5w30
03 Maxima 3.5L POS 152k ST HM 10w30
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574689
11/15/17 08:45 AM
11/15/17 08:45 AM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,385
Chicago,IL,USA
pandus13 Offline
pandus13  Offline
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,385
Chicago,IL,USA
COngrats.

Get in shape

Learn good posture. The common complaint from fresh parents beside sleep deprivation is back pain problems...

Enjoy the momma bear next to you.

Learn how to do a good massage. ^^^ she will need it

Buy good ear plugs. and good pillows.

Clean the house.

Get a room ready.

Learn to walk in silence at night.

start thinking about:
-names
-room color
-clothes color
-stroller; how do you collapse it under 5 minutes
-how do you change a diaper quickly
-how do you install a car seat

Learn funny songs
Invent a new baby language

Buy good detergents.................................


16 Golf SportWagen
13 Mazda5
08 Yaris
04 Elantra
95 accent
95 mystique
97 concorde
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: Panzerman] #4574690
11/15/17 08:47 AM
11/15/17 08:47 AM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,758
Hudson, NH
LeakySeals Offline
LeakySeals  Offline
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,758
Hudson, NH
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I agree with Alex but its not as financial draining as people make it out to be.
Responsibilty and time Consuming is what most new Dad's can't handle.
I had my children in my late twenties and got it over with.
It was fun. I hope you enjoy it. I think alot of men are more mature by 45.
I helped my wife with everything. I ve known men that never changed a diaper on thier Children. They probably weren't ready.

Its not as financially draining in your late 20's if... You have mom and dad to watch your kids for free. Or.. you are wealthy enough for a single income, and mom stays home. Otherwise its an astronomical daycare bill. Not babysitter, a real daycare. My costs were $1800 a month for 2 boys until first grade back in the early 90's. When I was in early 30's. We owned a house so we both had to work. So you were fortunate.


06 Escalade 6.0L LQ9 AWD 165k M1 5w30
03 Maxima 3.5L POS 152k ST HM 10w30
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574694
11/15/17 08:54 AM
11/15/17 08:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 17,809
Deplorable in apple valley, ca
Chris142 Offline
Chris142  Offline
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 17,809
Deplorable in apple valley, ca
My dad was 44 when I was born.


02 Wrangler carlube 5w30
87 F250 traveler 15w40
07 fjcruiser Chevron 10w30
Z400 castrol T 10w40
Can am maveric edge 5w40
57 case tractor 15w40
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574704
11/15/17 09:06 AM
11/15/17 09:06 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,183
Midwest, Illinois
beanoil Offline
beanoil  Offline
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,183
Midwest, Illinois
You are fine. Take a breath and enjoy every moment of this.
I hope you have a healthy baby.
And you aren't buying diapers and Depends in the same shopping trip, so you got that going for you.

On a serious note, I thought I knew what love was. Good relationship with lovely spouse, good childhood, felt cared for and loved.
Turns out I didn't know a darn thing. Learned it all (or it came full circle, toss up), the first time I picked my little girl up and held her.
You now have someone that depends on you. It can be a bit overwhelming, the reality. Friends, family, wives... they can all leave, gone in a second. The child... big responsibility, bigger reward.


beanoil: Tough under heat, real dirty afterwards.
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574714
11/15/17 09:12 AM
11/15/17 09:12 AM
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 7,388
Oklahoma
Schmoe Offline
Schmoe  Offline
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 7,388
Oklahoma
I was 40 when my daughter was born, she's turning 14 tomorrow. Let me tell you, screw what they say that it don't cost that much because, being honest here, it does. A lot. Daycare will eat your lunch. Clothes aren't cheap. Then there is medical, you'll need to get a family plan. It's doable...but you GOT to get your head in the game. Sounds like you're still in shock, but all things will work out. You'll see. My Great-grandfather was 72 when grandpa was born, but that was 1902. Relax. It will be OK, just going to have to make some life changes and maybe a van.


01 Supercrew Lariat 4X4
06 Accord EX-L V6
14 CRV EX-L (RIP) 2018 CRV EX-L
Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574721
11/15/17 09:19 AM
11/15/17 09:19 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,983
Southeast Texas
gfh77665 Offline
gfh77665  Offline
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,983
Southeast Texas
First, congrats on that new life coming into the world! smile

What a blessing that child will be for you.

Don't be even remotely concerned about your age, its perfectly fine. The child will actually make you a younger version of your self. For example at 55, you will be much more likely to play outdoors with your 9 year old rather than sink into a recliner...You'll see!

Pandus13 offered some great advice above, but I want to add one very important thing:

Marry your GF, ASAP. Give that child a home with two parents in a lifetime commitment to each other and to the family. thumbsup

Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig] #4574729
11/15/17 09:24 AM
11/15/17 09:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 12,639
The Motor City
Kestas Offline
Kestas  Offline
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 12,639
The Motor City
Start getting busy with garage sales in your neighborhood that sell baby stuff.

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