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#4574606 - 11/15/17 07:45 AM Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child??
thorromig Offline


Registered: 03/22/12
Posts: 804
Loc: BerksCounty/Pa.
My GF just informed me last nite that she is pregnant, she repeated her pregnancy test today this morning when she woke up -- for sure its positive. I am in total shock for various reasons, I am a home owner & she is 37 with no prior children neither. This was not planned or premeditated at the least. Lots of things going through my mind at this moment. TOTAL life changer, children/babies are a "huge" responsibility on a daily basis. Not sure what to make of this at the moment.


Edited by thorromig (11/15/17 07:48 AM)
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#4574615 - 11/15/17 07:51 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
greenjp Offline


Registered: 05/19/04
Posts: 1306
Loc: Germantown, MD
um, congrats? smile

If you weren't planning and premeditating NOT to have a baby, well you know about the birds and the bees grin

Yes it is a total life changer (I'm 40 and have 3). For the good unless you're one of those guys who's going to lose it when you realize you can't just keep doing all the same stuff.

jeff

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#4574618 - 11/15/17 07:55 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Timo325 Offline


Registered: 08/31/14
Posts: 338
Loc: AL,NC,TX,Germany,Korea,Italy
Having kids was one of the best things to ever happen to me.. I hope you will feel the same way in the future.

Don't think that having a child should force you into marriage or anything like that.

Congrats! banana


Edited by Timo325 (11/15/17 07:56 AM)
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#4574625 - 11/15/17 08:00 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Alex_V Offline


Registered: 04/10/16
Posts: 1155
Loc: Campbellsville, KY
I'm only 26, but my first was born late September. This year has been, financially, my worst so far, nothing but as-much-work-as-possible and trying to conserve money, and I certainly hope you can say more for yourself, for your sake. I've not yet found some figurative brick wall that some people seem to think comes when you have a child. Having to put BITOG down for a few minutes to hold my son while wifey does something? Yes. But it's precious and I have stages when I'm too wrapped up in BITOG anyway so it's a good dose of perspective. It reduces our flexibility as a couple some but the changes are gradual and even subtle for the most part. Not a ton more expense, either.

Unless your lifestyle is on the more frivolous end of the spectrum it really shouldn't be that difficult to start incorporating an addition late next summer into your plans. And unless you totally fail at parenting, you'll grow from and through this.

Oh, and congrats!


Edited by Alex_V (11/15/17 08:01 AM)
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#4574652 - 11/15/17 08:20 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
ls1mike Offline


Registered: 06/14/08
Posts: 5115
Loc: In the Garage...
Congratulations.

Ummmm 45? I had my first at 31. I am 43 today. Good luck man. I couldn't imagine dealing with diapers, late nights and other kids stuff right now.
Certainly changes the dynamics of a relationship.

Having said that I love my kids and now that the boy is 12 he is a lot of fun. If you are like 90 percent of the population you will just be winging this "parent" thing. So don't be too hard on yourself. It will be fun and you will laugh...a lot.
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#4574654 - 11/15/17 08:22 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Quattro Pete Offline


Registered: 10/30/02
Posts: 35838
Loc: Great Lakes
Congratulations!

Yes, it's a life changer and you will have to make lots of adjustments to your current life style, but these things have a a way of working themselves out if you embrace them.

My kid was born when I was 40. In some ways it's good to have kids later because you are better prepared for it financially and more responsible. In other ways it's not good because physically your body may not be able to handle the new parent duties as well as if you were in your 20s. Still, parenthood is great, IMO, but it's not for everyone.
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#4574662 - 11/15/17 08:27 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Panzerman Offline


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Port Orange, Florida
I agree with Alex but its not as financial draining as people make it out to be.
Responsibilty and time Consuming is what most new Dad's can't handle.
I had my children in my late twenties and got it over with.
It was fun. I hope you enjoy it. I think alot of men are more mature by 45.
I helped my wife with everything. I ve known men that never changed a diaper on thier Children. They probably weren't ready.


Edited by Panzerman (11/15/17 08:28 AM)
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#4574687 - 11/15/17 08:43 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
LeakySeals Offline


Registered: 02/18/11
Posts: 6561
Loc: Hudson, NH
Its that your grampa? No, its my dad... laugh

Seriously, congrats. Will be easier at your age cause you are more financially secure, smarter, wiser.
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#4574689 - 11/15/17 08:45 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
pandus13 Offline


Registered: 08/12/11
Posts: 3176
Loc: Chicago,IL,USA
COngrats.

Get in shape

Learn good posture. The common complaint from fresh parents beside sleep deprivation is back pain problems...

Enjoy the momma bear next to you.

Learn how to do a good massage. ^^^ she will need it

Buy good ear plugs. and good pillows.

Clean the house.

Get a room ready.

Learn to walk in silence at night.

start thinking about:
-names
-room color
-clothes color
-stroller; how do you collapse it under 5 minutes
-how do you change a diaper quickly
-how do you install a car seat

Learn funny songs
Invent a new baby language

Buy good detergents.................................
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#4574690 - 11/15/17 08:47 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: Panzerman]
LeakySeals Offline


Registered: 02/18/11
Posts: 6561
Loc: Hudson, NH
Originally Posted By: Panzerman
I agree with Alex but its not as financial draining as people make it out to be.
Responsibilty and time Consuming is what most new Dad's can't handle.
I had my children in my late twenties and got it over with.
It was fun. I hope you enjoy it. I think alot of men are more mature by 45.
I helped my wife with everything. I ve known men that never changed a diaper on thier Children. They probably weren't ready.

Its not as financially draining in your late 20's if... You have mom and dad to watch your kids for free. Or.. you are wealthy enough for a single income, and mom stays home. Otherwise its an astronomical daycare bill. Not babysitter, a real daycare. My costs were $1800 a month for 2 boys until first grade back in the early 90's. When I was in early 30's. We owned a house so we both had to work. So you were fortunate.
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03 Maxima 3.5L 149k ST HM 10w30

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#4574694 - 11/15/17 08:54 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Chris142 Online   content


Registered: 06/05/03
Posts: 16817
Loc: Deplorable in apple valley, ca
My dad was 44 when I was born.
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#4574704 - 11/15/17 09:06 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
beanoil Offline


Registered: 10/17/04
Posts: 2951
Loc: Midwest, Illinois
You are fine. Take a breath and enjoy every moment of this.
I hope you have a healthy baby.
And you aren't buying diapers and Depends in the same shopping trip, so you got that going for you.

On a serious note, I thought I knew what love was. Good relationship with lovely spouse, good childhood, felt cared for and loved.
Turns out I didn't know a darn thing. Learned it all (or it came full circle, toss up), the first time I picked my little girl up and held her.
You now have someone that depends on you. It can be a bit overwhelming, the reality. Friends, family, wives... they can all leave, gone in a second. The child... big responsibility, bigger reward.
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#4574714 - 11/15/17 09:12 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Schmoe Offline


Registered: 05/12/03
Posts: 7256
Loc: Oklahoma
I was 40 when my daughter was born, she's turning 14 tomorrow. Let me tell you, screw what they say that it don't cost that much because, being honest here, it does. A lot. Daycare will eat your lunch. Clothes aren't cheap. Then there is medical, you'll need to get a family plan. It's doable...but you GOT to get your head in the game. Sounds like you're still in shock, but all things will work out. You'll see. My Great-grandfather was 72 when grandpa was born, but that was 1902. Relax. It will be OK, just going to have to make some life changes and maybe a van.
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#4574721 - 11/15/17 09:19 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
gfh77665 Offline


Registered: 09/01/08
Posts: 3791
Loc: Southeast Texas
First, congrats on that new life coming into the world! smile

What a blessing that child will be for you.

Don't be even remotely concerned about your age, its perfectly fine. The child will actually make you a younger version of your self. For example at 55, you will be much more likely to play outdoors with your 9 year old rather than sink into a recliner...You'll see!

Pandus13 offered some great advice above, but I want to add one very important thing:

Marry your GF, ASAP. Give that child a home with two parents in a lifetime commitment to each other and to the family. thumbsup

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#4574729 - 11/15/17 09:24 AM Re: Total Shock -- 45 years old & having first child?? [Re: thorromig]
Kestas Offline



Registered: 06/04/02
Posts: 12324
Loc: The Motor City
Start getting busy with garage sales in your neighborhood that sell baby stuff.

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