I cant find happiness in my life anymore

[Turk]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: Dave Sherman
: "You can't love somebody if you don't love yourself first.".
!


That is very true. I have to learn to be happy first before i expect to find a friend or gf. And to find happiness again i need to change my pessimistic attitude.

My new goal for rest of the week,

1) get out of the house to do something for at least a few hours. Even if im just going for a walk.
2) limit my tv time to 2hrs per day
3) gonna make some more calls tomrw on volunteering
4) say hi and smile to at least one random person everyday. Maybe even give them a compliment.




That's a fantastic start.

 

[Pablo]

Some good advice.

I must admit I know the feeling - it's real and it's strong. But so is a 300 lb bar brawler or 1000 pound angry polar bear, for example. But guess what? Both are avoidable. For me things that work:

1) Vitamin D - but only the liquid variety - drops in a glass of water. Pills don't do it for whatever reason. It's not instant, takes a few weeks.
2) Exercise. Sweaty kind.
3) My church is called "Adventure Church" (in Duvall, WA) Get to know the pastor and his boss and associates. Say no more.
4) Family, Dogs and cats.
5) Keeping busy, start a tiny business
6) Doing stuff I WANT to do at least once every two weeks, something I look forward to that breaks my stress cycle.
7) I don't try to make friends, and frankly only have a small core. But I have a couple groups of guys that are close enough.
8) Volunteer - even if it's something small or a one time event.
9) Donate - even if it seems like a tiny amount.
10) Help an individual. There are people near you who need help, I'll bet there are things you can do to help a person right now.
11) Take a class in something that you want to learn about or are curious about.
12) Just set a limit on the TV and computer time. Watch one show or one sporting event per week. See the computer as a tool and have a cut off time.

Not so much different than what others have posted, but do these 12 things and I'll be you will be on a better path. As I posted to start - it's real - but you don't need a label from the "professionals". I won't tell you to avoid doctors and meds, but try the above first. Enough said.

 

[Shannow]

Put on the earphones, and listen to some philosophy from Alan Watts.

Put two heaped teaspoons of coco powder in a cup, 1/3 cup coconut cream, fill with boiling water stirring vigorously, and sit there sipping it while listening to said videos.

 

[DemoFly]

I'm just like you carnoobie.

I had friends all throughout high-school, after high-school they all moved away. I started playing video games and then everything went to [censored] in a handbasket. I gained 80lbs (280lbs) and was diagnosed with severe depression more than likely induced by loneliness.

It took everything I had, but I worked up the courage to see a doctor. He prescribed a medication for depression and anxiety. With the medication I noticed a difference in attitude and energy, but let me tell you this a pill will never fix your problems. A depression medication is a TOOL to HELP you OVERCOME your depression. Use them as a kick-start on a quest to find happiness, not a crutch to survive. With the medication I started going to the gym, taking better care of myself, I stopped gaming and started making an effort to make friends. Humans are creatures of habit, you have to change them and then they become easier for you. For instance socializing, exercising, even finding fun in ordinary things.

Making friends is a whole different can of worms. You don't realize it until you grow up, but in your entire lifetime before college, you probably only "made" a handful of friends. The rest were just networked friends of a friend you met before.

Don't be desperate to make friends! Be desperate to make ACQUAINTANCES! Know the difference! Do not waste your time on becoming good friends with someone who has no interest, until they prove otherwise!

Also, I learned this the hard way, do not look for a relationship until you are emotionally stable and happy. I could write 100 pages on why and my experience, but the cut and dry is it ended in disaster (just like all other relationships like this). I used her as a crutch to make me happy and when she left, I am back into my old ways.

I lost 80lbs, but I have gained it all back again to where I started. The group of friends me and her had were mostly hers, so I'm back at square one.

It is possible, I just rushed into a relationship and it was a severe mistake.

 

[Merkava_4]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie

Anyone else feel the same or know anyone? I dont know if i have a mental disorder.

Ill be honest, but sometimes I wish I wasnt born. Life and all the emotional burden just isnt worth it sometimes.


Ask your doctor about Pliva 648.

 

[doitmyself]

Originally Posted By: Merkava_4
Originally Posted By: Carnoobie

Anyone else feel the same or know anyone? I dont know if i have a mental disorder.

Ill be honest, but sometimes I wish I wasnt born. Life and all the emotional burden just isnt worth it sometimes.


Ask your doctor about Pliva 648.


The last thing you want to do is take internet advice on which medication might be best suited to you. It requires a very skilled diagnosis and sometimes trial and error to find what works for you. Meds may, or may not be needed.

I think us armchair doctors have exhausted our recommendations. Except, I think the "been there/done that" anecdotes are revealing and give positive examples of how others have weathered the storm.

Does your local area have a county mental health center? They are there to direct you to other help that fits your needs (financial as well). At least talking to a pro might give you a jump start in the right direction.

I tell you guys, everyone here has suggested some really great ideas. But you can see the HUGE difficulty the OP is having implementing any of this.

I think a good analogy would be us trying to give a drug junkie, smoker, or heavy drinker advice on how to kick the habit. It's all easy from the armchair quarterback position.

Keep moving in the positive direction Carnoobie. We're rooting for you. And, I've said it before, there's some great, very caring people here at BITOG that come out of the woodwork when the need arises.

 

[Samilcar]

Originally Posted By: 01rangerxl

Ideally, find a job that is somewhat physically demanding. It's like exercise you get paid for. It can be part time or full time. Don't look at it as "that's below my degree" or "that's too hard." I have a college degree and did well in school. When I felt I HAD to get out of my old job, I took on a couple of different part time things, all of which are somewhat physically demanding. The part time jobs make me so much happier than what I was doing before. Believe it or not, breaking a sweat can be fun and you will feel good afterwards, physically and mentally.


This is good advice. Back when I felt similar to carnoobie, I ended up getting a job that required a full days worth of hard physical labor. While I didn't exactly feel "good" at the end of a shift, at least I didn't feel like I wanted to go and off myself, which was a vast improvement.

 

[Astro14]

Carnoobie - I think that the most important thing to take away from this thread is that you are not alone.

There are lots of folks on this forum who have wrestled with the same challenges, lots of folks who have had failures and disappointments in their lives, personal and professional. As an example, this past week, I got the most disappointing career news I have ever received in my 26 years in the USN.

But no matter the difference in circumstances or situations, there are lots of folks who are just like you. There's been lots of good advice on this thread. I am not qualified to add to it or comment, but I recognize the value in many of the suggestions.

I hope that you are able to implement some of them.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: DemoFly
I'm just like you carnoobie.

I had friends all throughout high-school, after high-school they all moved away. I started playing video games and then everything went to [censored] in a handbasket. I gained 80lbs (280lbs) and was diagnosed with severe depression more than likely induced by loneliness.

It took everything I had, but I worked up the courage to see a doctor. He prescribed a medication for depression and anxiety. With the medication I noticed a difference in attitude and energy, but let me tell you this a pill will never fix your problems. A depression medication is a TOOL to HELP you OVERCOME your depression. Use them as a kick-start on a quest to find happiness, not a crutch to survive. With the medication I started going to the gym, taking better care of myself, I stopped gaming and started making an effort to make friends. Humans are creatures of habit, you have to change them and then they become easier for you. For instance socializing, exercising, even finding fun in ordinary things.

Making friends is a whole different can of worms. You don't realize it until you grow up, but in your entire lifetime before college, you probably only "made" a handful of friends. The rest were just networked friends of a friend you met before.

Don't be desperate to make friends! Be desperate to make ACQUAINTANCES! Know the difference! Do not waste your time on becoming good friends with someone who has no interest, until they prove otherwise!

Also, I learned this the hard way, do not look for a relationship until you are emotionally stable and happy. I could write 100 pages on why and my experience, but the cut and dry is it ended in disaster (just like all other relationships like this). I used her as a crutch to make me happy and when she left, I am back into my old ways.

I lost 80lbs, but I have gained it all back again to where I started. The group of friends me and her had were mostly hers, so I'm back at square one.

It is possible, I just rushed into a relationship and it was a severe mistake.


Were you into PC or console gaming? How did you manage to quit gaming while still having an interest in it? I wish I could do this but i dont think i could. I could sell one of my consoles but i bet i would miss it.

Originally Posted By: Astro14
Carnoobie - I think that the most important thing to take away from this thread is that you are not alone.

There are lots of folks on this forum who have wrestled with the same challenges, lots of folks who have had failures and disappointments in their lives, personal and professional. As an example, this past week, I got the most disappointing career news I have ever received in my 26 years in the USN.

But no matter the difference in circumstances or situations, there are lots of folks who are just like you. There's been lots of good advice on this thread. I am not qualified to add to it or comment, but I recognize the value in many of the suggestions.

I hope that you are able to implement some of them.


Im thankful for all the advice. Time to put it in action. Maybe go see a pastor at my church today, will call first to see if hes in.

 

[Merkava_4]

Originally Posted By: doitmyself
Originally Posted By: Merkava_4


Ask your doctor about Pliva 648.


The last thing you want to do is take internet advice on which medication might be best suited to you. It requires a very skilled diagnosis and sometimes trial and error to find what works for you. Meds may, or may not be needed.


That's why I said, "Ask your doctor."

 

[doitmyself]

Originally Posted By: Merkava_4
Originally Posted By: doitmyself
Originally Posted By: Merkava_4


Ask your doctor about Pliva 648.


The last thing you want to do is take internet advice on which medication might be best suited to you. It requires a very skilled diagnosis and sometimes trial and error to find what works for you. Meds may, or may not be needed.


That's why I said, "Ask your doctor."


Fair enough. My apologies.

You didn't specify doctor type and I assumed his family doctor. I am a bit jaded about general practitioner's skill level to prescribe these medicines since mine put me on the popular prozac, which was the worst kind I could have been on. Did some really goofy things to me.

 

[DemoFly]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie


Were you into PC or console gaming? How did you manage to quit gaming while still having an interest in it? I wish I could do this but i dont think i could. I could sell one of my consoles but i bet i would miss it.

PC Gaming. I went cold Turkey. I was playing over 40hrs a week. I tried quitting before on an honor system, but the addiction is too strong. I sold my graphics card and uninstalled all of my games.

It's so strange how much of an addiction I realize it is now. Before whenever I was away from the PC, all I thought about was getting back on. When I'm at work, the time spent there was just time wasted in between gaming. I would get texts from friends inviting me out, and I would ignore them to keep playing. On the odd chance I did go out, I was an awkward 5th wheel because all I wanted to do was go home and get online.

Video games give a false sense of euphoria. Also, you probably have people you like to talk to online rather than real life.

It's strange now. I'm depressed, I don't do anything, I barely complete tasks at work and I have no friends. But I have zero interest in playing video games. I realize now, literally ALL of my problems are from social isolation from being addicted to video games.

I still have an addiction to the computer, I'm on it at least 3hrs a day. But I'm aware that it's a problem, I won't let it get out of hand. It's also less severe, rather than sitting out in the living room with my dog, I'd rather be learning something on the computer. However, if a friend calls me up or the grass needs cutting, I have no problem getting up and doing things that need done, or hanging out with friends.

 

[Mr Nice]

Maybe a BITOG member can set you up on a blind date ?

Are you more worried / unhappy due to not having a female partner or is it not having a career that is meaningful ?

I agree that TV, movies and video games add to you depression.

 

[TMoto]

Lots of good advice here. Perhaps walking to your local library and finding something interesting to read would help as well? The obvious choice would be something from the self-help section, but even something else that's interesting would be beneficial?

 

[Merkava_4]

Originally Posted By: doitmyself


You didn't specify doctor type and I assumed his family doctor.


I was assuming the general practitioner would refer him to a specialist.

 

[ZeeOSix]

Originally Posted By: doitmyself

There's lots of great advice above that falls into two basic camps. Some are recommending a lifestyle change regarding exercise, diet, social activities (church, volunteer, etc.), life outlook, and so forth. A few others have indicated that brain chemistry can make it impossible to make progress without professional intervention.

I want to reemphasize the idea that SOME people have chemical disfunction brain issues, similar to having a short, or break in an electrical wire. No amount of exercise will correct it just like it wouldn't correct diabetes, aids, or Parkinson.

A combination of medication to manage the brain "short circuit" AND some sort of counseling (ie. congnitive therapy)/lifestyle change can result in effective management. Some can get by with just the lifestyle changes, but many cannot.


I'd try the exercise and life style change first to see if medication is really needed or not. Very well could be that all that's needed ... if it doesn't help then professional help and meds would be the next step. Have to distinguish the cause before jumping into the medication solution.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: DemoFly
Originally Posted By: Carnoobie


Were you into PC or console gaming? How did you manage to quit gaming while still having an interest in it? I wish I could do this but i dont think i could. I could sell one of my consoles but i bet i would miss it.

PC Gaming. I went cold Turkey. I was playing over 40hrs a week. I tried quitting before on an honor system, but the addiction is too strong. I sold my graphics card and uninstalled all of my games.

It's so strange how much of an addiction I realize it is now. Before whenever I was away from the PC, all I thought about was getting back on. When I'm at work, the time spent there was just time wasted in between gaming. I would get texts from friends inviting me out, and I would ignore them to keep playing. On the odd chance I did go out, I was an awkward 5th wheel because all I wanted to do was go home and get online.

Video games give a false sense of euphoria. Also, you probably have people you like to talk to online rather than real life.

It's strange now. I'm depressed, I don't do anything, I barely complete tasks at work and I have no friends. But I have zero interest in playing video games. I realize now, literally ALL of my problems are from social isolation from being addicted to video games.

I still have an addiction to the computer, I'm on it at least 3hrs a day. But I'm aware that it's a problem, I won't let it get out of hand. It's also less severe, rather than sitting out in the living room with my dog, I'd rather be learning something on the computer. However, if a friend calls me up or the grass needs cutting, I have no problem getting up and doing things that need done, or hanging out with friends.


Well heres something that may surprise everyone. I actually only have 1 game - I sold off the rest over the past 6 months. I used to have over 100. Mainly cause I was done with them but also in the past year my interest for gaming has dropped. I still like it but right now is cool compared to before where i was buying 3-4 games a month. This year ive boughten zero.

 

[doitmyself]

Originally Posted By: Merkava_4
I was assuming the general practitioner would refer him to a specialist.


Merk, I can only speak based on my experience, but I have a hunch that many unqualified family doctors are prescribing these meds as a quick fix. IMO, this is how the "take a pill to fix your problem" has gotten out of hand.

Originally Posted By: TMoto
Lots of good advice here. Perhaps walking to your local library and finding something interesting to read would help as well? The obvious choice would be something from the self-help section, but even something else that's interesting would be beneficial?


No offense, TMoto, but this is my second great pet peave about healing one self. There are way to many self appointed "experts" out there publishing "10 Steps to Happiness" books, just like dieting (exercise/reduce calories, duh).

IF someone has true clinical depression (not just temporary sadness), it takes more than magic pills and self help books. I emphasize IF, and, I certainly don't won't to play down good, uplifting reading material. I LOVE to hang out at libraries.

This discussion has come full circle for me. I hope Carnoobie follows through one way or another. He will wonder what hit him (in a good way) when he conquers this.

Best to you my friend.

 

[DemoFly]

I only had mostly one game, Guild Wars. And then I added a second which was League of Legends.

Both horrifically addicting, 15k hours in guild wars alone over 7 years. League of legends, meh. I played it because my friends played it and the moba design is probably the most addicting type of game you can get. Adrenaline, pvp, you have to play a TON just to unlock stuff, games are decided primarily through matchmaking so you are essentially gambling everytime you play...

Horribly addicting. Everyone I know who plays it has spent over $200 on the microtransactions, and has played for at least 500 hours.

Whats so grim is that parents are now embracing video games with kids because video games "shut them up" or "keep them distracted". Like someone else said in this thread, the next generation is going to be a sea of walking zombies that don't know how to interact.

 

[Pablo]

I gotta say something. I feel the same when I watch the Mariners or have to take my MIL shopping. But it passes.