Gift giving \ receiving etiquette

[Walmill]

Originally Posted By: bubbatime
I can relate to the OP. He gave a nice expensive gift to his wife for her use. He did not spend all that money for her to gift it to her brother. He likely would NOT have spent that much money on the brother, so he is ticked off about it.

I think the OP has a valid argument here.

If I buy something for my wife, I sure dont want her re-gifting it to her lazy brother.


This guy gets it.

If I knew the $200-300 dollar item I purchased was going to be intentionally left 300 miles away just months after giving it I would have made a different purchase choice, for sure.


I don't mind passing things down after they've run their course.

The Ipod wasn't cracked, beaten and abused. It was still in brand new condition.

At times she would wish her phone had a good camera, I would remind her "well I did buy you that Ipod you wanted, but you know..."

Additionally what ticked me off even more is as I said her brother, who was making his own money, was using it for a "couple weeks" until the next model phone was released. Release passed and the phone wasn't purchased and Ipod not returned. Weeks turned into years. It was "loaned" to him but was actually his in all but name.

At the time we were just dating, we are now married. Long ago we've learned to agree to disagree on the situation.

 

[pandus13]

Originally Posted By: bubbatime
I can relate to the OP. He gave a nice expensive gift to his wife for her use. He did not spend all that money for her to gift it to her brother. He likely would NOT have spent that much money on the brother, so he is ticked off about it.

I think the OP has a valid argument here.

If I buy something for my wife, I sure dont want her re-gifting it to her lazy brother.


^^^THIS!!!

OP dated and married his wife. Not her family. This does not included making her family happy when they are capable of taking care of themselfs...

I think we should read there is a little bit more to the story in inter-family relations...

The downside to this (per OP's second post) is the wife could now have a use for the device/gift.

 

[93cruiser]

Originally Posted By: Walmill
Originally Posted By: bubbatime
I can relate to the OP. He gave a nice expensive gift to his wife for her use. He did not spend all that money for her to gift it to her brother. He likely would NOT have spent that much money on the brother, so he is ticked off about it.

I think the OP has a valid argument here.

If I buy something for my wife, I sure dont want her re-gifting it to her lazy brother.


This guy gets it.

If I knew the $200-300 dollar item I purchased was going to be intentionally left 300 miles away just months after giving it I would have made a different purchase choice, for sure.


I don't mind passing things down after they've run their course.

The Ipod wasn't cracked, beaten and abused. It was still in brand new condition.

At times she would wish her phone had a good camera, I would remind her "well I did buy you that Ipod you wanted, but you know..."

Additionally what ticked me off even more is as I said her brother, who was making his own money, was using it for a "couple weeks" until the next model phone was released. Release passed and the phone wasn't purchased and Ipod not returned. Weeks turned into years. It was "loaned" to him but was actually his in all but name.

At the time we were just dating, we are now married. Long ago we've learned to agree to disagree on the situation.


Well apparently it wasn't long ago enough for you, as you are bringing it up again now. Let it go, especially since this happened and you still got married. Who cares? Well besides you it seems.

Once a gift, not yours, oh well.

 

[SuperSalad]

A gift is a gift and it is irrelevant how the treatment by the gifted makes the gifter feel. If you require validation for how great of a gift giver you are, that sounds like a personal problem.

If a gift is so easily given away and forgotten about, was it that great of a gift to begin with? I know you said she wanted it, but it doesn't seem like that really held up to the test of time. I'd suggest trying to get past it with as little emotional investment as possible.

 

[DuckRyder]

So:

Quote:
At the time we were just dating, we are now married. Long ago we’ve learned to agree to disagree on the situation.


Yet it has been discussed with

Quote:
Quite a few people I’ve spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.


and now we are hashing it out here... and latching on to the minority opinion that supports the OP position...

Sounds like an agenda to me...

My advice is just get past it... and in the future you need to realize that once you give it, it isn’t yours...

 

[Walmill]

For the record I'm not bitter and this is not something that torments my thoughts on a daily basis. [censored], I don't even know why I thought of it when I made the post. The reason I pisted it is not to have a soul changing experience. Honestly I'm bored at work spend a good deal of time reading various forums and this would give me something to read. Fun fact: my wife was present next to me and read the post with me as I posted it.

There were two parts to my original post. Why everyone chose to totally ignore the second one and instead attempt psychic analysis of my relationship and mental state is beyond my knowledge.

 

[Voleak]

IT'S A GIFT. Once you hand that gift over to the intended recipient, you loose all control, ownership and rights to that item. If Billy Bob wants to take his gifted flashlight and ram it up a pole, and shoot at it for target practice, than Billy Bob has all the rights to do so. Is that nice, no, but it's his flashlight to do whatever he wants.

Are you selfish with other peoples stuff? Only the gifted person can use the gift?

 

[RTexasF]

Why even give a gift with your hook in it? You are being extremely petty. Swallow your hurt feelings and move on with it.

 

[93cruiser]

Originally Posted By: Walmill
For the record I'm not bitter and this is not something that torments my thoughts on a daily basis. [censored], I don't even know why I thought of it when I made the post. The reason I pisted it is not to have a soul changing experience. Honestly I'm bored at work spend a good deal of time reading various forums and this would give me something to read. Fun fact: my wife was present next to me and read the post with me as I posted it.

There were two parts to my original post. Why everyone chose to totally ignore the second one and instead attempt psychic analysis of my relationship and mental state is beyond my knowledge.



I don't know. Now back tracking, and saying the wife read your post? Hmmmm, yea, makes sense. Not.

 

[TheLawnRanger]

I keep all the personal stuff off the web. As long as you and your wife can deal with the situation, that's all that matters. Now let's talk about something really important, motor oil.

 

[Astro14]

Once you give a gift, it's gone.

But what the person does with that gift tells you a lot about what they think of you, the gift giver.

People have focused on that second point in this thread...sorry that you don't like the answer... pretty obvious that your wife doesn't value you much, and for that, I'm sorry...