Alchohol/drug addictions

[Mystic]

Not long ago I saw a woman I used to drink with. She drank worse than me. She still is alive and she still looks good so I guess maybe she has found that 'separate peace' also. I don't know. But if she was still drinking like she used to I doubt if she would still look pretty good.

Alcoholism is to some extent cultural. We remember the funny comedy routines of the 'funny' drunk. We remember the westerns with everybody in the bar. There is a world beyond the bar. And there are people who like to do more than just drink in bars.

Peer pressure can be overcome. Cultural influences can be overcome also. Quit going to the bars and find different friends. Somebody who watches you drink yourself under the table is really not your friend. If they were really your friend they would be saying 'Maybe you have had enough.'

I never had a DUI. I could have had DUIs. The people I drank with probably would have laughed if I had had a DUI. You drink and drive it will be YOU that has that DUI and has to live with the consequences. Not your buddy who was drunk also and managed to not get caught.

Everybody has negative experiences in their lives. That is no excuse to make things worse by becoming a chronic alcoholic. If everybody who had a negative experience in their life became an alcoholic or a drug addict almost everybody would be an addict.

A lot of excuses. Eventually you have to grow up and say no. Sooner or later you have to say no. I said no.

 

[Papa Bear]

Originally Posted By: Rhymingmechanic
oilboy,

I empathize with the tough spot you're in--addiction might be harder on family members because they can actually see what's happening.

There have been some good suggestions so far. AA and NA can teach you about addiction (and recovery from it), but there are programs for family members also: Al-Anon and Nar-anon. They focus on how family members can avoid getting wrapped up in the addiction and "enabling" it to continue.

When it comes down to it, your brother will only change when he is ready. You can't force it. But you can define the difference between help--to recover when he's ready--and enabling him to keep doing what he's always done. You could help him find a treatment program and drive him there, for example, but paying for his stay in treatment is not wise. (That probably rules out the spa vacation type places.)

You didn't say much about your brother's experience and the consequences he's had, but generally the best time to intervene is when he's gotten into some trouble. At 51, chances are he already knows where the help is. You could contact your local/county mental health center to see what treatment options they offer. Then you'll have that information if and when he asks for help.

Best to you and your family.


Pretty well what I would say as well.
I will be sober 22 yrs on July 18. A.A. and Al-Anon saved my life and our marriage of 41 yrs.

 

[oilboy123]

Thanks for the information, and support guys..... I appreciate it. I need to get my parents to stop lending him money after he burns through what he has.

 

[JoeWGauss]

Originally Posted By: oilboy123
Thanks for the information, and support guys..... I appreciate it. I need to get my parents to stop lending him money after he burns through what he has.


Huge ERROR....you should NEVER enable folks like this, ever.

This man needs a huge wake up call. That call will come when he is out on the street with nothing living on a steam vent.

I say make these indulgent, self centered leaches as uncomfortable as possible, each and every day should be less pleasant than the last. Tough love indeed! It is a unpleasant reality but these self indulgent people who call themselves addicts need to suffer just a bit more than they are if they are not flying right.

 

[CivicFan]

Originally Posted By: oilboy123
Thanks for the information, and support guys..... I appreciate it. I need to get my parents to stop lending him money after he burns through what he has.


Be careful for him not to end up on the street. He needs professional help. Cutting the finances may or may not yield the desired result.

 

[bradepb]

Originally Posted By: Papa Bear
Originally Posted By: Rhymingmechanic
oilboy,

I empathize with the tough spot you're in--addiction might be harder on family members because they can actually see what's happening.

There have been some good suggestions so far. AA and NA can teach you about addiction (and recovery from it), but there are programs for family members also: Al-Anon and Nar-anon. They focus on how family members can avoid getting wrapped up in the addiction and "enabling" it to continue.

When it comes down to it, your brother will only change when he is ready. You can't force it. But you can define the difference between help--to recover when he's ready--and enabling him to keep doing what he's always done. You could help him find a treatment program and drive him there, for example, but paying for his stay in treatment is not wise. (That probably rules out the spa vacation type places.)

You didn't say much about your brother's experience and the consequences he's had, but generally the best time to intervene is when he's gotten into some trouble. At 51, chances are he already knows where the help is. You could contact your local/county mental health center to see what treatment options they offer. Then you'll have that information if and when he asks for help.

Best to you and your family.


Pretty well what I would say as well.
I will be sober 22 yrs on July 18. A.A. and Al-Anon saved my life and our marriage of 41 yrs.



Yep Rhymingmechanic has the best response coming from my experience.
I am 14 years sober as of this june 15, and congrats Papa Bear!

 

[ottotheclown]

In Eastern Europe Russia and more
European countries alcohlism rages. Yet in Greece France not nearly as much. Japan has a problem China not so much. Kinda takes the self control out of the picture. France has more self control than Russia? AA started in Akron Ohio way back in 1935. Lots has happened since then yet the foundations set up then still work. If you look at some of the history of posts and the number of them I think some may be addicted to BITOG. Self Control is as lame as Just Say No

imho!!!!!

 

[ottotheclown]

http://www.divisiononaddictions.org/html/reprints/vaillant.htm

 

[CivicFan]

Originally Posted By: ottotheclown
http://www.divisiononaddictions.org/html/reprints/vaillant.htm


Interesting. This validates my observations at a former employer of mine, a very large health system. We were trying to hire an addictionologist at our ER because we observed that a large portion of our patients presenting needed attention for chemical dependency or substance abuse. We would refer them to a specialized treatment center but only a small number of them complied with the referral as they didn't think they had issues, had no insurance to pay for such treatment or were not able to care.

 

[morris]

show him a pic of an autopsy of an addict

 

[Spazdog]

No effect.

Like showing a smoker a blackened lung. People have continued to smoke through their trach rings after mouth cancer.

I have my addictions but the only thing drinking too much coffee will do to me is keep me awake and make me go to the bathroom. I'm not going to drink 6 cups of coffee and go plow my car into a School Bus full of nuns and orphans.

 

[CBR.worm]

a close relative of mine lost his house, his kids, his wife and has been living on the streets for about 4 years due to heroin. He started out with a hurt back and a valid script for Roxycet and quickly spiraled out of control. He has not hit rock bottom yet, we don't know if he is going to survive - but in this case we had to put the safety of his kids and wife ahead of his needs. He has been through rehab, detox, halfway houses, etc. can't stay away. At some point you have to emotionally detach yourself.

We went to Al-anon, and many AA meetings ourselves to try to get a handle on how to help, essentialy the meetings helped us realize that helping him would not be helpful to him or to us.

In 2005 he had a nice house & good job. A SRT-10 dodge truck, a Kawasaki ZX-10 an older Trans Am that he kept in mint condition, a wife and two little kids. He used to live to maintain his vehicles and take care of his kids. Now he robs people to get his fix. He was a relative and good friend to me, now I can barely recognize him when he shows up looking for money.

 

[L_Sludger]

Originally Posted By: CBR.worm
a close relative of mine lost his house, his kids, his wife and has been living on the streets for about 4 years due to heroin. He started out with a hurt back and a valid script for Roxycet and quickly spiraled out of control. He has not hit rock bottom yet, we don't know if he is going to survive - but in this case we had to put the safety of his kids and wife ahead of his needs. He has been through rehab, detox, halfway houses, etc. can't stay away. At some point you have to emotionally detach yourself.

We went to Al-anon, and many AA meetings ourselves to try to get a handle on how to help, essentialy the meetings helped us realize that helping him would not be helpful to him or to us.

In 2005 he had a nice house & good job. A SRT-10 dodge truck, a Kawasaki ZX-10 an older Trans Am that he kept in mint condition, a wife and two little kids. He used to live to maintain his vehicles and take care of his kids. Now he robs people to get his fix. He was a relative and good friend to me, now I can barely recognize him when he shows up looking for money.


I am speechless after reading this post.

 

[Viggen]

I will NEVER understand the mentality of folks thinking that just because a "doctor" prescribes a medication, or recommends a proceedure that you MUST follow it.

Nonsense.

Has the general population in the US lost all ability to use their OWN critical thinking skills and ability to do their own research?

 

[Spazdog]

Yes.

Everytime I get prescribed an antibiotic, there will be an arguement about how I am somehow creating some antibiotic resistant "Super Staph" infection because I won't take the full course.

Every two or three years, I overexert myself combined with dehydration from working outside and I get back spasms. I don't know why I need to take every Soma in that bottle when I feel much better after a day of rest and a muscle relaxer or two.

I don't think I've ever taken the full course of anything, I've ever been prescribed. As a consequence, when I do need a muscle relaxer or something, they still work really good. I don't need a bigger dose. I don't need a larger amount. But she insists that I need to because the doctor prescribed it.

 

[CivicFan]

Originally Posted By: Spazdog
Everytime I get prescribed an antibiotic, there will be an arguement about how I am somehow creating some antibiotic resistant "Super Staph" infection because I won't take the full course.
...
I don't think I've ever taken the full course of anything, I've ever been prescribed. As a consequence, when I do need a muscle relaxer or something, they still work really good. I don't need a bigger dose. I don't need a larger amount. But she insists that I need to because the doctor prescribed it.

Non-compliant attitude like yours is the reason why we have such major issues with superbugs. If you are prescribed antibiotics, you should take the whole course.

 

[GROUCHO MARX]

I could write a book about the people I grew up with who have died from alcohol/substance abuse before the age of 50. I could write another book about the ones I now know.

I believe I could have been classified as an alcoholic at one time in my life. Like Mystic, I had angels on my shoulders. Deep down I knew alcohol did not solve one problem but did create another one. That said, it was probably chronic illness which made me stop. I was waking up everyday feeling rotten without alcohol and it was quite a reinforcing experience. The illness was a blessing that probably saved my life. 13 years of it.

I also have an ex love with whom I used to drink. I know she still drinks, but mostly alone at home (I think). I realize now that the source of her drinking was centered in a fear of abandonment and a lack of self esteem. Her mother took her from her father and brothers at an early age and she somehow felt she was responsible for this schism. It defined many of her relationships. She was drop dead gorgeous.

I believe a lack of self esteem is at the center of much of this self abuse.

We are not perfect. We should not expect it of anyone, even people who are substance abusers.

 

[Spazdog]

Originally Posted By: CivicFan
Non-compliant attitude like yours is the reason why we have such major issues with superbugs. If you are prescribed antibiotics, you should take the whole course.

I'm of the opinion that the opposite is true. It's the overuse of antibiotics that creates "superbugs" like MRSA.

If your theory is correct, then everytime someone is innoculated with weakened virus or bacteria, THEY are creating the "superbugs"

Besides, I don't believe for a second that even the best doctors in the world know for a second how much antibiotics any individual will need to clear up an infection. They tend to overdispense these meds. They certainly have a hand in over-abundance of domestic and socially acceptable prescription drug addicts.

 

[Maximus1966]

Bottom line is most of these folks display personality defects (lack of character) that allow this to go on. (exception: legitimate chronic pain patients who become addicted).

Most of the crying and wringing of hands is just further excuse making, much like is done for obesity. Does anyone really believe obesity is a disease? No...it's caused by gluttony. More calories in than out and you get fat.

I understand you can get on disability handouts now for obesity, so substance abuse must be next in line.

 

[oilboy123]

Originally Posted By: GROUCHO MARX
I believe a lack of self esteem is at the center of much of this self abuse.

I think you are right.......I think lack of esteem probably plays a big part.