advice on divorce.

[Dave Sherman]

I'll just have to count my blessings that I had a peaceful dissolution. We'd known each other for 2.5 years before we tied the knot, had been living together for a year, but 9 months after "I do" she decides this marriage thing isn't for her. She was married once before. She was very fair, didn't kick me out, even helped me find a new house and her folks helped me move. No animosity, and we stayed friends. She even rejected the attorney's suggestion that she ask for half of my pension and 401k on the grounds that we agreed we leave with what we came in with.

After the last GF was pushing hard for marriage commitment after 2 months, completely ignoring the fact that I'm being cautious since it didn't work out with someone I knew for 2.5 years, I have no desire to get married. Seems like it's hard to tell the ones who really want to make a marriage work from the ones who are just looking for a free lunch and a baby daddy.

 

[surfstar]

Solution: only marry someone who makes and has more money than you do.

 

[97f150]

 

[Pop_Rivit]

I find threads like this both amazing and sad at the same time. Poor choices combined with the inability to nurture a lifelong marriage seem to be the new normal.

Originally Posted By: Clevy
My first long term girlfriend was 4 years older than me. I was 18,she was 22. She loved to fight physically and after 4 years I couldn't take it and left.
She married her next boyfriend.
Prior to marriage they won 80000 in the lottery,bought a house,blah blah blah.
Well she was a slut. Screwing everything with a pulse. He finally gets turned of it and starts making divorce preparations.
She has an Internet boyfriend at the time. They hatch a plan to live happily ever after.
I already mentioned her love of throwing fists right. So they both like beating each other up.
She picks a tight,throws some punches then calls 911 as he freaks out,and the operator records the tantrum.
He then gets arrested,removed from the home and cannot see his son anymore unless its supervised and us now fighting a domestic assault beef.
As soon as she knows he cannot set foot in the home she moves her internet boyfriend in from Ontario.
He won the lottery by the way. He bought the house prior to marriage,but got thrown out after getting set up.
I'm not making excuses for him hitting her however that girl asked for it and wasn't satisfied until she got punched out. Its sick looking back at the whole situation.

My point is the system is geared to favour the woman,especially if she can insinuate or proof abuse,whether her hand was active in the abuse or not.
Moral of the storyre-nup. If you own anything and want to keep it draw up some paper to cya. Considering the divorce rate is over 50% a pre-nup should just be standard in my opinion.


Was that around the same time you were abusing drugs and alcohol?

https://bobistheoilguy.com/forums/ubbthreads.php/topics/3190087/1

Originally Posted By: Clevy
I was a drunk for decades


Originally Posted By: Clevy
I'd smoke grass however it gets expensive when smoking 1/4 ounce a day


Have you considered that the real root of the problem may be you and not others? You are pointing fingers and claiming the woman is to blame for the problem when the root of the problem is you and the choices you've made; you are failing to own up to your half of the problem. That's a typical defense mechanism for people who don't want to take responsibility for their actions.

 

[ram_man]

I've been playing that at work every day and playing going through the big D

all the guys just laugh I get into it while I'm working

 

[Clevy]

Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
I find threads like this both amazing and sad at the same time. Poor choices combined with the inability to nurture a lifelong marriage seem to be the new normal.

Originally Posted By: Clevy
My first long term girlfriend was 4 years older than me. I was 18,she was 22. She loved to fight physically and after 4 years I couldn't take it and left.
She married her next boyfriend.
Prior to marriage they won 80000 in the lottery,bought a house,blah blah blah.
Well she was a slut. Screwing everything with a pulse. He finally gets turned of it and starts making divorce preparations.
She has an Internet boyfriend at the time. They hatch a plan to live happily ever after.
I already mentioned her love of throwing fists right. So they both like beating each other up.
She picks a tight,throws some punches then calls 911 as he freaks out,and the operator records the tantrum.
He then gets arrested,removed from the home and cannot see his son anymore unless its supervised and us now fighting a domestic assault beef.
As soon as she knows he cannot set foot in the home she moves her internet boyfriend in from Ontario.
He won the lottery by the way. He bought the house prior to marriage,but got thrown out after getting set up.
I'm not making excuses for him hitting her however that girl asked for it and wasn't satisfied until she got punched out. Its sick looking back at the whole situation.

My point is the system is geared to favour the woman,especially if she can insinuate or proof abuse,whether her hand was active in the abuse or not.
Moral of the storyre-nup. If you own anything and want to keep it draw up some paper to cya. Considering the divorce rate is over 50% a pre-nup should just be standard in my opinion.


Was that around the same time you were abusing drugs and alcohol?

https://bobistheoilguy.com/forums/ubbthreads.php/topics/3190087/1

Originally Posted By: Clevy
I was a drunk for decades


Originally Posted By: Clevy
I'd smoke grass however it gets expensive when smoking 1/4 ounce a day


Have you considered that the real root of the problem may be you and not others? You are pointing fingers and claiming the woman is to blame for the problem when the root of the problem is you and the choices you've made; you are failing to own up to your half of the problem. That's a typical defense mechanism for people who don't want to take responsibility for their actions.





Ha.

I abuse drugs now. I'm not beating up my old lady or doing stupid stuff,other than getting high of course.

I'm happy to accept my short comings and weaknesses. It frees me the burden of constantly beating myself into monster depressions and thoughts of suicide.
The only change was booze.

So if I'm basically doing the same stuff as I was then,why the different outcome.

And let's delve deeper. If her life has and is the same,with a revolving door of guys,and she still likes to throw down,with every boyfriend since can I be to blame still.
I've accepted responsibility for my actions,and my days of hurting those I love are over,as proven by the 4 years I've been with my present girl and not once has a hand been raised by either of us to one another.
But yep,I must be deflecting responsibility and blaming someone else for my mistakes.
Wanna try again pop rivit.
Where else can we go with this. Product of environment vs genetics.
Medicated vs unmedicated.
I've argued all points,and every side. So pick one and we'll have a talk.

 

[fdcg27]

Originally Posted By: Mykl
Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle

No. He did not molest his daughter. his wife made the whole thing up. End result: he washed down a bottle of sleeping pills with a fifth of JD.

Practically none. She barely worked, he caught her cheating on him.(He LITERALLY walked in on her!)

Plenty of psychos seem fine...until they're not.


Alright well... good luck with life. I hope you some day figure out how to accept women into your life without worrying about all the things they could do to you simply because they have a baby-oven and a beating heart.


Women are certainly more emotionally driven in decisions and actions than are men.
Most women who you know well and who are comfortable with you will agree with this in any discussion.
Some women certainly appear to be crazy, although not in the serious mental illness meaning of the term.
I had relationships with a few such women before I met the one who would become my wife.
My wife and I have been happily married for decades now.
She may be a woman, but she has a very low craziness potential.
After all, how crazy can any CPA be?

 

[ram_man]

Hey guys little update. I have done the parenting class Missouri mandates that you do. ...However my ex won't take the class. So I don't know what to expect now. ....waiting game i guess

 

[Jarlaxle]

Matters not...you can do no right, she can do no wrong.

 

[ram_man]

Anyone have any advice on getting my name off her car. We owe 3000 on it I have the title. But is there a way to get myself off the title?

 

[pottymouth]

Originally Posted By: ram_man
Anyone have any advice on getting my name off her car. We owe 3000 on it I have the title. But is there a way to get myself off the title?


How can you have the title if you still owe money on it? The lender should be holding the title until the loan is paid off.

 

[stockrex]

no some lenders give you the title back with the lean part stating that xyz bank hold the lean.

What does the decree say about the property division? it should say there how the loan will be split and who gets the vehicle.
Look at your state law also, call/ask dmv.

 

[ram_man]

I thought we could just go to bank and get it notarizes that we signed it and put it in just her name.

 

[pottymouth]

Originally Posted By: stockrex
no some lenders give you the title back with the lean part stating that xyz bank hold the lean.


Never heard of such a thing. How does the lender release the lein? Do you have to send the title to them and then they mail it back to you?



Originally Posted By: ram_man
I thought we could just go to bank and get it notarizes that we signed it and put it in just her name.


Best bet would be to contact the lender and explain the situation. If you are both on the loan, I can't see any advantage for the lender to release you. It is more risk for them. What is your wife's credit like?

It might be easiest to just pay the car off and deduct the money from whatever settlement she receives in the divorce.

 

[Hokiefyd]

Originally Posted By: stockrex
no some lenders give you the title back with the lean part stating that xyz bank hold the lean.


I don't think the LENDER gives the title out, I think the STATE issues a title-like document to the "owner" stating that there is a lien on the vehicle. Once the lien is paid, the lender sends the actual title to you, and you can take that to the DMV to get a new title written in your name. It's a transfer of ownership at that point, from the lender to you.

I'm sure this is done differently in different states. I, too, have never heard of a lender sending its client the title of the vehicle if the lien has not been satisfied.

 

[99Saturn]

Originally Posted By: pottymouth
Originally Posted By: stockrex
no some lenders give you the title back with the lean part stating that xyz bank hold the lean.


Never heard of such a thing. How does the lender release the lein? Do you have to send the title to them and then they mail it back to you?

AFAIK, in NY - you get the title (mailed from the DMV) with a notation on the bottom - XYZ is a leinholder. Once the loan is paid, you can either get a letter that says the loan is paid off (and keep that with the title in the event you want to sell, trade in, etc. or you can get a "new" title that removed the leinholder notation.
---
OP - AFAIK, getting your name off the title will not absolve you of the debt owed, so you really want to do both at the same time, or refinance the loan first to make sure your name is not off the title but you still owe (at least that is how it would work here).

 

[MNgopher]

I don't pretend to know how other states title their cars.

In Minnesota, you get the title from the state with the bank noted as a lienholder on the title. When the loan is paid off, you get a card stating the loan has been paid off and the lien removed. The car cannot legally be titled again until that card is obtained.

Your state may vary (considerably) from that.

As far as getting your name off the title, good luck if you both have your name on the loan. The bank is going to be the one to decide if that can happen or not.

 

[stockrex]

Phew, for a minute I thought I was losing it. Lien release is important, I remember having to take the title to the credit union and have the loan officer sign it.

 

[stockrex]

If the dcree does not spell out the division then u need to negotiate with ur ex

 

[pottymouth]

I've only financed a few cars in my life, but I have bought quite a few that still had loans on them. In every case, the bank held the title and mailed it with the lien released once they received full payment.

Must be a NJ thing. Or maybe it has something to do with the banks involved. All my transactions involved large commercial banks, no credit unions or second tier lenders.

A good reason to ask these questions of the actual parties involved.