advice on divorce.

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ram_man

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Well my wife is throwing me out of our house...kinda saw it coming but who knows.
Some advice from fellows who have gone through this would be great we have two kids and a house. What's the best way to handle this. I don't even know what questions to ask so please general advice would be good. Thanks everyone.
 
Darn it.I'm sorry man.Get your firearms and family heirlooms out of the house post haste.Have a witness there possibly with a camera to document everything.

You may have to get deputy to escort you.A friend of mine had to do that to get his firearms collection.Years later his ex told him she had planned on selling them.

Remain calm,it may be difficult.But it will pay off in the long run.Document everything.

Once again sorry dude.
 
Good advice. But if you are equal owner of the house or rental situation, how can she "throw you out"? Have you done something to harm her or the kids? She cannot throw you out. She can leave and then go to court and then make her appeal to the judge to get you moved out so she can move back in with the kids. It would be difficult to give advice without facts of the situation. And then the laws are different from place to place.
 
Obviously, this isn't an amicable divorce you only need to know a few things:

Get a good lawyer ASAP.
Don't do anything your lawyer doesn't tell you to do.
Carry a digital voice recorder.
 
If my name is on the house/apt I ain't going nowhere! Once you leave you ain't coming back
 
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: yonyon
Obviously, this isn't an amicable divorce you only need to know a few things:

Get a good lawyer ASAP.
Don't do anything your lawyer doesn't tell you to do.
Carry a digital voice recorder.


+1

Get a GOOD lawyer ASAP, tell them the whole deal (Be honest)

Don't do ANYTHING he/she does not tell you to do.
 
If your not in legal trouble (did something) don't leave unless you want to, it doesn't matter if "she asked you to leave " when your married.
I'll tell you my situation. I have 2 kids with my live in exgirlfriend of 6 years. She asked me to leave so I got an apartment for a month or two while we were going to "work things out". 2 weeks after I was moved she moved in Guy she was cheating with that meet on a website.
3 months later we were doing the family court thing, the judge gave her primary custody/ established child support to mother stating i had given up being kids primary caretaker n live in domicile when i moved out of the house.
I know laws different state to state & I wasn't married either.
get a lawyer quickly, mind was $3k+ more later and wasn't very good, and I wouldn't move out voluntary either. Good luck
 
I am so very sorry to hear you are going through this. The only thing I can add to what has already been said is: Are you sure it's over? Is it possible a professional counselor could bring the two of you back together?

Secondly, I agree with staying calm through the whole thing. I know it's difficult, but if divorce is going to happen regardless, then you staying calm now will pay off in the long run.

My prayers are with you and your family.
 
I am going through it now. It is without a doubt the worst thing I have been through.

You should immediately close all joint accounts and transfer all funds to you. You should change all your passwords/PINs. You should explain to your kids that it isn't their fault. Tell everybody you're getting a divorce but never explain why. Avoid serious commitments and don't make any life changing decisions. Never, under any circumstances, bad mouth your ex in front of the kids.

Expect it to get nasty but don't deliberately cause it. Private emails/words/text messages will be drug up and used against you; lies will be told If you do give up something, expect to lose it forever and gain nothing for it. A fair settlement will ensure both parties feel like they lost everything. You only get 2 'drink yourself to death' nights: use them wisely. If you need more, drown yourself in work and hobbies.

Good luck and, frankly, have fun: try dropping a day's wages to see if you can get that stripper to go home with you. Make a point to find out exactly how many tattoos the lady who cuts your hair really does have.
 
Your wife has zero right to "throw" you out. Do not leave the house, you have equal right to be in the house as she does.
Get a lawyer right away and follow their advice to the letter.
Try mediation and avoid court at all costs if possible. No one wins in court and the costs for a disputed divorce are astronomical.
I wish you the best.

Cheers,
 
Question is how do you file for divorce .....Idk she is or I'll need to but it's very clearly over with so I would like to get it over with quick. And mediation what's that?
 
Ram_man, you asked a sharp bunch of guys for advice. Yet, you don't provide enough information for any of us to help you.

I understand this is a public forum. If you'd like, PM me, and I'm sure some of the others here would answer a PM by you.
 
mediation is having "someone smart" go over your disagreements with each other before cutting ties.

Don't raise your voice, and don't touch her. Her girlfriends / lawyer will give her advise to make it look like you assaulted her verbally, physically, or mentally. Don't take the bait!

If she's decided to leave you, she'll make a cash & kids grab. Make it 50/50 by not making it your fault, it's better than 0/100.

Didn't you just start working? It's like she hated your guts but waited for a big paycheck to garnish for the next 16 years.
 
go see a lawyer ASAP. in my state....the person who files divorce gets custody of the kids. dont move out of the house. dont come within 10 ft of her and chances are she will say you were physical with her so she can get you out of the house. she cant kick you out....keep a witness or digital recording going on at all times. dont let her make it her word against yours. trust me. all the laws are in her corner. you have to prove yourself. get one of those nanny cams in every room nd start recording without her knowledge. cut up all credit cards and cancel accounts before anyone files. also move all the money to an account with a family member you trust. she wont have any claim to it because it isn't in your sole name. but then laws differ from each state.
 
1st thing is DON'T leave the house. She has absolutely NO legal right to do so, if your name is on the title. Too many men tuck it between their legs, and walk. Absolutely not.

Originally Posted By: ram_man
Well my wife is throwing me out of our house...kinda saw it coming but who knows.
Some advice from fellows who have gone through this would be great we have two kids and a house. What's the best way to handle this. I don't even know what questions to ask so please general advice would be good. Thanks everyone.
 
I would not move out. Assuming whatever you own or rent is in both your names. If you have any firearms give them to a friend to keep. Do not drink over this. It will not help anything and could be an excuse for a restraining order. Do not touch her or threaten her. It may be uncomfortable living with her at opposite ends of the house, but once you move out, hard to get back in, she may sell or break or give away your stuff.

Get a PO box and have mail sent there. Close any joint credit cards. Take out 50% of joint checking/savings.

Talk to a lawyer. Mediation is best, but that depends upon how willing she is to talk and agree.

I would hire a female lawyer.
 
Grab as much cash as you can and skip the country...or accept that you're screwed. All she has to do is wail, "HE HIT ME!" and your life is instantly destroyed.
 
Originally Posted By: mjk
1st thing is DON'T leave the house. She has absolutely NO legal right to do so, if your name is on the title.


Realistically if she wants you out, you're gone. If she wants a restraining order or order of protection, she will get one. You will be tried without your knowledge: it will be her word alone. Despite how strong your case is, you still run a very strong risk of losing. My lawyer described it as 'no judge wants to get it wrong' and will side with the female every time. IL states that emotional stress is a form of domestic violence: a divorce, by its nature, is emotionally stressful. By claiming abuse, she gets free legal services; you will not. An ideal outcome would be you losing a vacation day and paying $1k in lawyer fees. Most likely, you will lose your firearms, be required to attend counseling, have a criminal record, supervised visit with your kids, and, probably, lose your job.

As horrible as it sounds, I believe it happens a lot. It would be best to leave quickly and quietly.
 
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