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#690087 - 04/12/04 12:19 AM 5 Questions Feared by Men (joke)
tweeker43 Offline

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 1253
Loc: michigan
The 5 questions most feared by men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below,along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been quiet, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, dirt loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you were when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a Boat!" No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed...
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: (Under his breath) oops..


#690088 - 04/12/04 03:33 AM Re: 5 Questions Feared by Men (joke)
sbc350gearhead Offline

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 2556
Loc: Columbus Ohio

#3287903 - 02/20/14 01:59 AM Re: 5 Questions Feared by Men (joke) [Re: tweeker43]
901Memphis Offline

Registered: 08/14/10
Posts: 9141
Loc: Northern Kentucky
Decided to go to the back page for some laughs and here they are.
2002 Buick Century 118k - Built 4T65e - Peak 5w30/Fram TG 3387A
1998 Nissan Altima 335k - 5MT - M1 HM 5w30/Fram Ultra XG7317

#3288590 - 02/20/14 03:32 PM Re: 5 Questions Feared by Men (joke) [Re: tweeker43]
wog Offline

Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 132
Loc: massachusetts
Thanks for good laugh,I believe it should be a public service for newlywed husbands,
Keep them coming!