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Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing #5465329 06/29/20 02:42 AM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,070
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97prizm Offline OP
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,070
Hi all,

It's 2 am and can't sleep. A really good friend of mine who I've known for 23 plus years ( we met in high school math class) texts me late and says he and his wife are splitting up after 13 years of marriage. I'm still friends with the guy but it blows my mind that two individuals can't figured something out. I hate change to some extent and always figured two people could figure out their differences. Their 6 year old is very smart and has a sense of humor which is weird and funny. Anyone else deal with this? I'm a very practical individual i.e.you have a problem you solve it, there is no giving up. Maybe that's why I'm 37 and am not married, which is a little frustrating. All suggestions appreciated and welcome.


If at first you don't succeed fail fail again. (Waldorf and Statler.)
1997 Geo Prizm...DEAD
1984 Mazda RX-7 Spec 7
2005 Dodge Neon
Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465331 06/29/20 02:52 AM
Joined: Sep 2008
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gfh77665 Offline
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No suggestions to offer except do pray and hope for their best. Until its really done, there is still hope. Just being a friend is the part you can do. Best wishes, GFH.

Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465332 06/29/20 03:14 AM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,769
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GMguy84 Offline
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Originally Posted by 97prizm
Hi all,

It's 2 am and can't sleep. A really good friend of mine who I've known for 23 plus years ( we met in high school math class) texts me late and says he and his wife are splitting up after 13 years of marriage. I'm still friends with the guy but it blows my mind that two individuals can't figured something out. I hate change to some extent and always figured two people could figure out their differences. Their 6 year old is very smart and has a sense of humor which is weird and funny. Anyone else deal with this? I'm a very practical individual i.e.you have a problem you solve it, there is no giving up. Maybe that's why I'm 37 and am not married, which is a little frustrating. All suggestions appreciated and welcome.



You must be a good friend/person to be stressing about another couples marrital issues. Most of the time someone cheated or it was financial issues


Best of luck to you and your friend. At the end the 6 year old is loosing his/her family. Sad stuff frown



Dave


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Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465334 06/29/20 03:23 AM
Joined: Aug 2009
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Gasbuggy Offline
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On the plus side, you'll see him more often now.


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Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465337 06/29/20 03:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2018
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Pew Offline
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I've got a few buddies that have gone through a divorce or on the brink of divorce. It's very unfortunate but it happens. I used to think the same thing as you; you solve problems but after seeing so many marriages fail, sometimes issues just can't be resolved and divorce is the only or best way.

Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465350 06/29/20 04:56 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,794
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Ws6 Offline
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Originally Posted by 97prizm
Hi all,

It's 2 am and can't sleep. A really good friend of mine who I've known for 23 plus years ( we met in high school math class) texts me late and says he and his wife are splitting up after 13 years of marriage. I'm still friends with the guy but it blows my mind that two individuals can't figured something out. I hate change to some extent and always figured two people could figure out their differences. Their 6 year old is very smart and has a sense of humor which is weird and funny. Anyone else deal with this? I'm a very practical individual i.e.you have a problem you solve it, there is no giving up. Maybe that's why I'm 37 and am not married, which is a little frustrating. All suggestions appreciated and welcome.

Just be a good friend. Dont have to agree or understand, to do that.


2019 CX5 Grand Touring Reserve
Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465352 06/29/20 04:59 AM
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madRiver Offline
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Be supportive and listener. Sorry about it.

Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465361 06/29/20 05:36 AM
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 34,374
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demarpaint Offline
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My wife and I stressed over a good friend's divorce years ago. We were like family. Now we aren't friends with him or his ex. Life goes on.


God Bless Our Troops

Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465362 06/29/20 05:38 AM
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Bottom_Feeder Offline
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As they say, no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.

Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465387 06/29/20 06:37 AM
Joined: Mar 2004
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Donald Offline
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It happens. Not much you can do. Is another man or woman involved? Grass is typically not greener on the other side.


2015 Ford F-250 w/Powerstroke
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Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465389 06/29/20 06:40 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
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BMWTurboDzl Offline
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Try to resist catching the "White Knight Disease". We can't fix all the bad things we see in this world. People change, everyone has different pain thresholds. Marriage is WORK.


“It took untold generations to get you where you are. A little gratitude might be in order. If you’re going to insist on bending the world to your way, you better have your reasons.”

435i
Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465397 06/29/20 06:58 AM
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Miller88 Offline
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I think in a lot of cases things were never great, but they just keep trying and trying. Eventually it comes to a point where both sides just realize it isn't going to work.


18 Forester 2.5I 6M
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Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465401 06/29/20 07:01 AM
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Kira Offline
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You never know how much people lie to others and themselves.
I bet MANY people go into marriage with BIG reservations.
a) My friends are wedding so I gotta too
b) The elders will call us sluts if we don't wed
c) We'll be better off financially...maybe

Then there's just plain stupidity....people can be so, so stupid
a) A baby will fuse our marriage completely
b) I really hate the singles scene....I'll make this work (White Knight Disease from within the marriage)

And the "secondary" reasons
a) We'll get a bigger wedding gift from "daddy" if we wed
b) It'll get me out of the house

I also bet many people desire the "guaranteed sex" of marriage but never addressed that it's "fantasy movie sex" they're after.

Back when 95% of us tilled the soil for a living there was little time left to drive yourself crazy.
Today we have oodles of "spare time" to get in our own way.

Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465402 06/29/20 07:05 AM
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Leo99 Offline
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At the time, it was very stressful and sad but getting divorced was a great decision I made. I'm so much happier now. My friends were happy when I got divorced and advised me to stay with it and not go back to her.


Without data you're just another person with an opinion. W. E. Deming


2004 Corolla 125,000 miles
2004 Rav4 399,852 miles (RIP)
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Re: Bummed about long-Time friend divorcing [Re: 97prizm] #5465417 06/29/20 07:29 AM
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krismoriah72 Offline
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I am not sure i know of many couples that havent had a divorce at some point..


The couples that i do know that are married again... i often see 'selfies' or 'quotes' looking for attention... on social media... and lots of hearts..

Just a matter of time...

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