Is this a "normal" request in a will?

[kstanf150]

Originally Posted by Yah-Tah-Hey
Originally Posted by Lubener
Originally Posted by Lolvoguy
To request that certain members of family not be permitted to a funeral service?
Or in cases like this, do some just request to not have a service at all?

...just wondering. No particular reason I suppose.

I see nothing wrong with it and to honor the wishes of the departed.The funeral business is the biggest scam there is.The funeral home won't make much money from me. I have specified and want no visitation and a basic gravesite service for immediate family members only. No hearse. I want to be loaded into MY pickup and driven to the cemetery by a family member. If family or friends only want to gather at funerals, I don't want them around when I am laid out.

You are my kind of guy Lube. I want wife/executor to take ashes to cemetery and dump them at the headstone. Preferably at night with a good breeze. Don't want exec to have to pay funeral home for interring ashes in a vault. Why is a vault required for ashes in an urn? So that mortuary can make the big $$$ that's why. You are so right about funeral business being a "scam." They have influential lobbyist. An alternate interment would be someone taking a post hole digger and placing ashes/urn whatever in the plot. Another alternate which I think is the best is for wife/exec is to dig a hole in our garden. I just can't see paying out the $$$ to have someone dig a hole, set a vault(what a joke) and place ashes in it. Even Billy the Kid had to use a gun. The funeral homes do provide a needed service, but the cost is way out of hand. It shouldn't cost 8/15 thousand dollars to put a corpse/ashes in the ground. Regards.


It's apparent you know nothing about rules and regulation of the funeral and cemetery business

Funeral homes don't control what's required for burial
The cemetery controls what happens on their property.
Vaults are only required if the cemetery requires it.
And as far as cost being out of hand, show me a business that doesn't work to make a decent profit and I'll show you an out of business sign. I've worked in funeral service for 20 years and you'd be amazed at what it cost to operate a good FH

 

[ffhdriver]

My ashes will join my wife's at a near by state veterans cemetery. I pre- arranged our cremations years ago. No obituary, no funeral.

 

[02SE]

Funeral homes are major step down from used car salesmen in my experience. No time like the worst time in a persons life (while grieving a loved one) to put the screws to the bereaved. I recall one saying "You don't want to go cheap, you want this to be a good memory for the Grandkids...

I replied: "Maybe you have to buy love in your family, but in ours we made lots of lasting memories while the deceased was alive".

 

[ecotourist]

A distant relative became notorious for attending funerals and explaining loudly to those gathered why the departed "had it coming." Apparently it wasn't uncommon for the folks in his community to get a court order banning him from attending funerals.

In the circumstances I think getting a court order was a reasonable thing to do.

In his earlier life this relative said he had been a drinker and a womanizer, but had since "found religion." I might have preferred him before the change.

 

[Yah-Tah-Hey]

Originally Posted by kstanf150
Originally Posted by Yah-Tah-Hey
Originally Posted by Lubener
Originally Posted by Lolvoguy
To request that certain members of family not be permitted to a funeral service?
Or in cases like this, do some just request to not have a service at all?

...just wondering. No particular reason I suppose.

I see nothing wrong with it and to honor the wishes of the departed.The funeral business is the biggest scam there is.The funeral home won't make much money from me. I have specified and want no visitation and a basic gravesite service for immediate family members only. No hearse. I want to be loaded into MY pickup and driven to the cemetery by a family member. If family or friends only want to gather at funerals, I don't want them around when I am laid out.

You are my kind of guy Lube. I want wife/executor to take ashes to cemetery and dump them at the headstone. Preferably at night with a good breeze. Don't want exec to have to pay funeral home for interring ashes in a vault. Why is a vault required for ashes in an urn? So that mortuary can make the big $$$ that's why. You are so right about funeral business being a "scam." They have influential lobbyist. An alternate interment would be someone taking a post hole digger and placing ashes/urn whatever in the plot. Another alternate which I think is the best is for wife/exec is to dig a hole in our garden. I just can't see paying out the $$$ to have someone dig a hole, set a vault(what a joke) and place ashes in it. Even Billy the Kid had to use a gun. The funeral homes do provide a needed service, but the cost is way out of hand. It shouldn't cost 8/15 thousand dollars to put a corpse/ashes in the ground. Regards.


It's apparent you know nothing about rules and regulation of the funeral and cemetery business

Funeral homes don't control what's required for burial
The cemetery controls what happens on their property.
Vaults are only required if the cemetery requires it.
And as far as cost being out of hand, show me a business that doesn't work to make a decent profit and I'll show you an out of business sign. I've worked in funeral service for 20 years and you'd be amazed at what it cost to operate a good FH

Good to hear from you Billy. Regards

 

[kstanf150]

Originally Posted by 02SE
Funeral homes are major step down from used car salesmen in my experience. No time like the worst time in a persons life (while grieving a loved one) to put the screws to the bereaved. I recall one saying "You don't want to go cheap, you want this to be a good memory for the Grandkids...

I replied: "Maybe you have to buy love in your family, but in ours we made lots of lasting memories while the deceased was alive".


Sorry for your experience.....

 

[Hall]

Originally Posted by ammolab
"Requests" in your will are unenforceable and are the mark of a control freak.

You imply "unenforceable" as it relates to the law. A funeral home is a private business on private property. If the family requests that a person or multiple persons not be allowed to attend, the funeral home has every right to enforce that if they choose to.

 

[Hall]

Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Yes. It's normal not to want a person the deceased or family did not like banned from funeral.

I can see how this may happen and more commonly than people might think. For one, it's the deceased person who is "the bad guy", not a living family member that would have to deal with repercussions. And besides, if a person is that much of a (insert your choice of potty mouth word(s) here) and disliked (or hated) that much, why would they want to go ?

 

[Mr Nice]

Originally Posted by hallstevenson
Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Yes. It's normal not to want a person the deceased or family did not like banned from funeral.

I can see how this may happen and more commonly than people might think. For one, it's the deceased person who is "the bad guy", not a living family member that would have to deal with repercussions. And besides, if a person is that much of a (insert your choice of potty mouth word(s) here) and disliked (or hated) that much, why would they want to go ?


Some families are very dysfunctional and problems will happen if unwanted people show up at the funeral.

Fist fights do happen at a funeral all the time and the police have to break up the drama.

 

[pbm]

In my experience the will isn't read until after the burial....

 

[MCompact]

Originally Posted by Cujet
Yea, I don't want my direct boss anywhere near my funeral. An entire career of unnecessary and uncalled-for difficulties, troubles and personal expenses will generate such feelings. Everybody else is welcome!

It's normal to desire the people you like and to exclude those you don't. How it actually works out is not really possible to control.


I know of at least two funerals where the a guy had told his family he did not want certain politicians attending because he despised them and did not want them using visitation or the service as a photo op. They even had security present to turn said pols away.
I will add that one of the most bitter disputes I ever heard as a judge was a probate case where a women died without a will; her parents and her husband fought like two cats in a bag. The mother even sued her son in law in Small Claims Court- claiming he took some plants home from the funeral that rightly belonged to her.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted by Marco620
I've been to a wedding and funeral that had armed citizens everywhere. Quite pleasant and peaceful with no arguing. Thinking back, that was in Wyoming

Just about everyone at my wedding was armed (mostly pistols, at least one shotgun), because there was concern someone might show up with intent to cause harm.

My uncle was a pallbearer at his mother's funeral...all six of them were armed, open carry. (Three 1911s, a S&W Model 29, a Colt Peacemaker, a Browning Hi-Power.) His sister had Mom's old rifle (early-50s Winchester 94) on the sling Mom had made for it in the late 60s.

The next day, the entire family went shooting...and, per Mom's request, whichever child or in-law scored the best at 100 yards got her Winchester.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Originally Posted by hallstevenson
Originally Posted by Mr Nice
Yes. It's normal not to want a person the deceased or family did not like banned from funeral.

I can see how this may happen and more commonly than people might think. For one, it's the deceased person who is "the bad guy", not a living family member that would have to deal with repercussions. And besides, if a person is that much of a (insert your choice of potty mouth word(s) here) and disliked (or hated) that much, why would they want to go ?


Some families are very dysfunctional and problems will happen if unwanted people show up at the funeral.

Fist fights do happen at a funeral all the time and the police have to break up the drama.


I did not attend my grandmother's funeral...because had I done so, bloodshed would have been guaranteed, and homicide quite likely.

 

[Eddie]

I really don't give a Hoot, who attends my funeral and why should I? I'm dead. Ed

 

[Bud]

Originally Posted by ffhdriver
My ashes will join my wife's at a near by state veterans cemetery. I pre- arranged our cremations years ago. No obituary, no funeral.
.

Same here. Wife and I will be laid to rest in Houston Veterans Cemetary. Gotta stay in Texas.

 

[kstanf150]

Originally Posted by pbm
In my experience the will isn't read until after the burial....



You are correct
Most states require a certified DC to read and probate the will
That can take 10 today's to 3 months to acquire in most cases

 

[CincyDavid]

When I was in the trade, our primary issue was rival gangs potentially showing up and creating chaos. At times federal agents and other unknown gentlemen in unmarked Crown Vics would be outside the gates photographing license plates and whatnot to see who showed up for services. The only violence I ever witnessed firsthand was the wife of the deceased getting in a spat with the girlfriend of the deceased, and throwing shoes at each other.

As far as asking people to NOT attend, we left that up to the family. If they felt like they needed private security, they were welcome to hire anyone they chose, as long as they let us know what was going on. If we perceived a potential threat we'd call the police and give them a heads-up...they might send a car or 2 to park very obviously in front of the door.

 

[Hall]

Originally Posted by pbm
In my experience the will isn't read until after the burial....

Isn't it typical for a couple family members to be made aware of some details, even being involved in preparing the will (and the attorney will obviously keep any undue influence out of the picture) ?

 

[RTexasF]

Don't know about prohibiting certain people. My will specifies (not requests) no funeral service or burial. Simply cremation and ashes to be tossed into any lake in Texas. Parties involved are fully aware of this.

 

[SwampSurvivor]

Originally Posted by RTexasF
Don't know about prohibiting certain people. My will specifies (not requests) no funeral service or burial. Simply cremation and ashes to be tossed into any lake in Texas. Parties involved are fully aware of this.


My parents have the same. They don't want a funeral or burial. Just cremation.

In my mom's words - "If people can't be bothered to spend time with me when I'm alive, no point in having them come see me when I'm dead"