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- Thread starter Shannow
- Start date
That kind of an event can literally suck the life out of you to the point where just putting one foot ahead of the other is the order of the day. I've been in that paradigm, and for years afterward, when I thought about it, the feelings of those first hours and days played out all over again. Absolutely reduces you to the point where there is no past and no future, just the here and now and coping with the next five minutes.It will get better with time, but the devastation of the aftermath is acutely remembered for decades. After almost fifty years, I can remember waking up the first morning and feeling like I had no identify at all. I felt like I wasn't. Regards to you sir and know that many who read this can commiserate with you. There is a silver lining behind that very black cloud.
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Hey Shannow,
I consider myself fortunate to not having experienced this ordeal, therefore can only offer sympathy, understanding, and support. Please hang in there, be strong for your kids. Kids often become pawns in this type of situation. I have read and enjoyed your posts for years on this website. I hope as you recover you will continue to post, always interested in your thoughts. Bless you, may you have the strength to recover, May your kids eventually come to a better understanding. Hope you weather the storm and enjoy a brighter future.
Scott
I consider myself fortunate to not having experienced this ordeal, therefore can only offer sympathy, understanding, and support. Please hang in there, be strong for your kids. Kids often become pawns in this type of situation. I have read and enjoyed your posts for years on this website. I hope as you recover you will continue to post, always interested in your thoughts. Bless you, may you have the strength to recover, May your kids eventually come to a better understanding. Hope you weather the storm and enjoy a brighter future.
Scott
Thanks for the wellwishes all...
I'm keeping myself well...
If I wake up early, just throwin another 30-60 minutes of meditiation,or Wim Hof breathing...set myself a breathhold push-up target (it's a Wim Hof thing) of one per year of age, and smashed through that...now setting a few more such targets
Got house plants and a cat.
5-6 evenings a week spend 45-50 minutes in my sauna...try doing sudoku or crosswords in the sauna...
Will be the best me I can...
I'm keeping myself well...
If I wake up early, just throwin another 30-60 minutes of meditiation,or Wim Hof breathing...set myself a breathhold push-up target (it's a Wim Hof thing) of one per year of age, and smashed through that...now setting a few more such targets
Got house plants and a cat.
5-6 evenings a week spend 45-50 minutes in my sauna...try doing sudoku or crosswords in the sauna...
Will be the best me I can...
I have been in your shoes, if you recall me thread from many year back.
I am not sure about the court system over there but you need to work this through the courts.
Before anything, please enlist the help of a father friendly therapist to handle the stress of dealing with this.
For me finding an able attorney who was willing to do what is right for the kids was the hardest task.
Please also find someone local who has navigated this and is familiar. Can you move close to where the kids are? Can you compel them to return?
I had to get a court order to compel return to school district.
It is tough, hang in there.
I am not sure about the court system over there but you need to work this through the courts.
Before anything, please enlist the help of a father friendly therapist to handle the stress of dealing with this.
For me finding an able attorney who was willing to do what is right for the kids was the hardest task.
Please also find someone local who has navigated this and is familiar. Can you move close to where the kids are? Can you compel them to return?
I had to get a court order to compel return to school district.
It is tough, hang in there.
I like your plan Shannow. I suppose its easier to give advice when you are not in your shoes. Seems like being active and perhaps make a daily/weekly schedule and another long range with specific goals.
I know I have had a lot of classes and reaching set goals is adrenaline for us humans.
My main hobbies are reading science, shooting, exercise, and playing a Cornet.
Oh yea..find a girlfriend.
Cheers my friend!!
I know I have had a lot of classes and reaching set goals is adrenaline for us humans.
My main hobbies are reading science, shooting, exercise, and playing a Cornet.
Oh yea..find a girlfriend.
Cheers my friend!!
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Hang in there Shannow
As others have said get legal counsel
As others have said get legal counsel
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Shannow, I'm so sorry to hear about this. You and your family have had some great travel adventures, and you've worked so hard to accommodate the various dietary concerns. I have you pegged as a good husband and father. But it takes two ...
As others have advised, take the high road. Don't speak ill of your wife in front of your children. Don't use the children as pawns to get back at your wife.
And please continue to post here! Let us know how you're doing.
As others have advised, take the high road. Don't speak ill of your wife in front of your children. Don't use the children as pawns to get back at your wife.
And please continue to post here! Let us know how you're doing.
Three weeks in, (Monday, down in Melbourne0, and have raised $1,190...including some donations from BITOGers, which I am so grateful for.
$150 of the donations are apparently contingent on me putting the goatee back on...and it looks like my employer will throw some money in as well...
![[Linked Image from cdn.movember.com]](https://cdn.movember.com/uploads/member-album/d38941540217455a6b9c95fb65bc5508-5ddb8bfc55461.jpg "[Linked Image from cdn.movember.com]")
Pretty happy with the support on this allround...very appreciative of the support that I'm receiving all over...
$150 of the donations are apparently contingent on me putting the goatee back on...and it looks like my employer will throw some money in as well...
Pretty happy with the support on this allround...very appreciative of the support that I'm receiving all over...
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Originally Posted by Shannow
Pity I missed the narcisist thread...throw in a dose of Borderline Personality to suit as well...
Yeah - I read that article and had flashbacks!
Way too close to home...
Pity I missed the narcisist thread...throw in a dose of Borderline Personality to suit as well...
Yeah - I read that article and had flashbacks!
Way too close to home...
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
Originally Posted by Shannow
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
Stay strong mate, after the lows comes highs, nature always finds a balance point after some oscillations. The bigger the extreme, the stronger it pushes back in the other direction.
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
Stay strong mate, after the lows comes highs, nature always finds a balance point after some oscillations. The bigger the extreme, the stronger it pushes back in the other direction.
Originally Posted by Shannow
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
They're caught in a trap with the narcissist/ex/crazy person, too. They're feeling conflict, and trying to find their way.
It might feel like they're siding with one party, or the other, and it might feel like they don't care about you, and perhaps, even, words have been said.
But, I am here to tell you, 13 years after I was in your situation, that my kids eventually found a balance between the all the stress they felt, realized the situation in which they were trapped, come to terms with the personalities involved, and have a very close relationship with their dad.
I know that sounds like an impossible timeline - but you're not going to have to wait that long for them to find their way. It's just that I'm 13 years beyond where you are now and life is good, my relationship with them is good.
Hang in there.
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
They're caught in a trap with the narcissist/ex/crazy person, too. They're feeling conflict, and trying to find their way.
It might feel like they're siding with one party, or the other, and it might feel like they don't care about you, and perhaps, even, words have been said.
But, I am here to tell you, 13 years after I was in your situation, that my kids eventually found a balance between the all the stress they felt, realized the situation in which they were trapped, come to terms with the personalities involved, and have a very close relationship with their dad.
I know that sounds like an impossible timeline - but you're not going to have to wait that long for them to find their way. It's just that I'm 13 years beyond where you are now and life is good, my relationship with them is good.
Hang in there.
Originally Posted by Astro14
Originally Posted by Shannow
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
They're caught in a trap with the narcissist/ex/crazy person, too. They're feeling conflict, and trying to find their way.
It might feel like they're siding with one party, or the other, and it might feel like they don't care about you, and perhaps, even, words have been said.
But, I am here to tell you, 13 years after I was in your situation, that my kids eventually found a balance between the all the stress they felt, realized the situation in which they were trapped, come to terms with the personalities involved, and have a very close relationship with their dad.
I know that sounds like an impossible timeline - but you're not going to have to wait that long for them to find their way. It's just that I'm 13 years beyond where you are now and life is good, my relationship with them is good.
Hang in there.
Just wanted to add this:
Kids are smart
Originally Posted by Shannow
Originally Posted by Inked
Sorry if I missed any Shannow updates anywhere else on the forum since late November but how you doing my man?
Will be 6 months this weekend...my how time flies....
New lows hit this evening in the relationship with the kids...
They're caught in a trap with the narcissist/ex/crazy person, too. They're feeling conflict, and trying to find their way.
It might feel like they're siding with one party, or the other, and it might feel like they don't care about you, and perhaps, even, words have been said.
But, I am here to tell you, 13 years after I was in your situation, that my kids eventually found a balance between the all the stress they felt, realized the situation in which they were trapped, come to terms with the personalities involved, and have a very close relationship with their dad.
I know that sounds like an impossible timeline - but you're not going to have to wait that long for them to find their way. It's just that I'm 13 years beyond where you are now and life is good, my relationship with them is good.
Hang in there.
Just wanted to add this:
Kids are smart
Bumped, as I like reading this...2 years
Then, please allow me to echo my previous thoughts.
Hang in there, @Shannow my friend.
This is a marathon.
Not a sprint.
It’s been 16 years since my divorce. Despite my ex’s best efforts, I’m close to my kids.
Despite her petty attempts to isolate me from my friends, they have seen who behaved reasonably.
I’ve remarried, and she’s wonderful.
You’re on a long, often difficult, path. But many of us have been down it, and made it through.
You will, too.
If your table post is any indication, looks like things are getting better.
Hang in there, @Shannow my friend.
This is a marathon.
Not a sprint.
It’s been 16 years since my divorce. Despite my ex’s best efforts, I’m close to my kids.
Despite her petty attempts to isolate me from my friends, they have seen who behaved reasonably.
I’ve remarried, and she’s wonderful.
You’re on a long, often difficult, path. But many of us have been down it, and made it through.
You will, too.
If your table post is any indication, looks like things are getting better.