Stupidest jokes - Please contribute

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Elephino! (say it out loud)




.. also

Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
The ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was amazing!
 
A woman is quietly sitting @ her husband's funeral when the man sitting next to her asks "Do you mind if I say a word?"

"Go right ahead." she replies.

The man stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora" and then sits down.

The woman leans over and says "Thanks, that means a lot."
 
Old guy visits the doctor.

Doctor asks...bowel movements...are they regular ?
Yes Doctor, every morning 7AM

Doctor asks...now the waterworks, they aren't keeping you up all night ?
No Doctor, first flow is at 6:30AM, regular as clockwork.

Doctor...that sounds really good
No...I don't wake up until 7:30
 
why did the scarecrow get an award?

because he was outstanding in his field.
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out...standing...in his field...
 
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. . .The bartender begins to greet him, but is shocked to see the man grab the dog by the tail and swing it around his head.
"What the heck are you doing?!" the barman cries. The blind man shrugs. "Just having a look around.
 
Why did the turtle cross the road?





To get to the Shell station.
smile.gif
 
-How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

-How do billboards talk?

Sign language!

-How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

Tryannosaurus checks!

-What do you call ghost poop?

Boo boo.
 
Two scientists walk into a bar, the first asked for an H2O, the second says I'll have an H2O too. The second scientist died.


A variation of the same joke.

Two scientists walk into a bar, the first asks for an H2O, the second says I'll have a water too. The second scientist asks the first why he felt the need to over complicate ordering a water by saying H2O instead of just saying water. The first scientist stared angrily at his water knowing that his assassination attempt has failed.
 
A policeman flags down a driver. After pulling him over, the policeman approached the driver’s door.

“Is there a problem, Officer?”

The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”

The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have one?”

The man responds, “I lost it four times for drunk driving.”

The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

The policeman says, “Why not?”

“I stole this car.”

The officer says, “Stole it?”

The man says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”

At this point the officer is getting irate. “You what?”

“She’s in the trunk if you want to see.”

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

The senior officer says, “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!”

The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem, sir?”

“One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”

“Murdered the owner?”

The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?”

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

The officer says, “Is this your car sir?”

The man says, “Yes” and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. “Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”

The man replies, “I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!”
 
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