Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife.
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Both of you come up with a budget together to cover expenses, retirement, emergency fund, and hopefully get of any debt. Then allocate a certain amount of budget to each person to spend/save as they want.
My wife and I have done that for 15 years. Works well.
My wife and I have done that for 15 years. Works well.
Originally Posted by gathermewool
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership.
You may not agree, but one could make a loose analogy between marriage and a business partnership. You're in a business of running a household, raising a family, and securing retirement. When a partnership is formed, each partner throws some money into the pot and they work as a team toward common goals, but they still keep some money aside as well to enjoy their individual hobbies and activities.
I realize that in marriage we all do things out of love that no business partner would do for the other business partner, but a lot of marriages would be better off if they managed their finances as well as businesses do.
Keeping separate accounts may not be for everyone, but it does work for some.
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership.
You may not agree, but one could make a loose analogy between marriage and a business partnership. You're in a business of running a household, raising a family, and securing retirement. When a partnership is formed, each partner throws some money into the pot and they work as a team toward common goals, but they still keep some money aside as well to enjoy their individual hobbies and activities.
I realize that in marriage we all do things out of love that no business partner would do for the other business partner, but a lot of marriages would be better off if they managed their finances as well as businesses do.
Keeping separate accounts may not be for everyone, but it does work for some.
Originally Posted by gathermewool
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership. If partners consider themselves equals, then what does it matter who contributes more? The assets of a couple should literally belong to...the couple.
My wife has one independent credit card, so that she can maintain a semblance of autonomy, but we both know who buys what and when each bill is due. 99% of purchases use common credit/checking accounts. To maintain vastly separate accounts seems foolish.
If there are secrets, comparisons of who makes more or questions about who is spending how much money, then something is WRONG!
I agree completely... well, at least 99.9% agree. I feel I have to leave the 0.1% on the table because I see this same conversation on threads on other forums and there is always people who say they have separate accounts from their spouses and it works for them, so who am I to argue that it cant work, because it certainly does in a lot of cases. I dont personally get it, but if it works for some people, then great. I still think there is an underlying disconnect if they feel they need to keep finances separate from the person they vowed to stay with forever, but if it works for them, then thats great.
I will say, I was part of this same discussion (separate accounts, separate finances, separate 'stuff') a long time ago at a late night beer soaked poker game with all my friends, and I felt like the outcast because I was the lone one advocating combined finances, complete openness, joint accounts, etc and they were all telling me how I was getting taken advantage of, I dont have any freedom or independence, why should she get to spend money without 'checking with me' when I was the one who made most of it, etc. Fast forward 20 years and all those friends are divorced now. Literally every one of them. Not saying separate finances are the cause, but I do think they are a telling symptom of an underlying issue that if you cant connect about something as basic and necessary as your daily finances, you may well not be connected on a number of other levels as well. Just my own opinion.
One of the biggest proponents in that conversation of the "whats hers is hers, whats mine is mine, her money is her money, my money is my money, separate finances, split the bills 50-50 etc" friends recently went through his divorce, and called me up two days before the divorce was to be finalized and said everything is on hold now because he was rummaging through some old boxes of paperwork and found a 401k statement in her name that he didnt know about. Further discovery led to that account where she had over a quarter million dollars in that retirement account he didnt even know 'they' had. Or should I say, SHE had, separate finances and all that, I was quick to suggest to him. He then spent six weeks and several grand in legal fees fighting her for "his half" of the money that earlier in the marriage, had it been his account, would have been HIS money, not 'theirs', since thats how they handled their money, I again smugly pointed out, as I strutted around twirling my golf club and looking at my nonexistent watch and straightening my nonexistent tie with a self righteous smirk on my face before I stopped all this because I could tell he was about to smack me silly halfway into next month.
He, the court, his lawyer, or whoever eventually got her to write him a check for $125,000, his half of what she had accumulated that he didnt know about. I snarkily asked him why he thought he should have got any of it, since they split the bills 50-50 and whatever was left over, she kept her money, he kept his money, remember that big debate we all had that night uh huh? He just chuckled and said "yea well that goes out the door when you get divorced" and I said "maybe it should have gone out the door when you got married. You werent living like a married couple, you're living like college roomates with benefits just splitting the bills. Which is exactly what you were before you were married."
Like I said, if it works for some of you, have at it, I hope it continues to work. I dont get it though. (Hope I'm not coming off sounding too judgmental here..)
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership. If partners consider themselves equals, then what does it matter who contributes more? The assets of a couple should literally belong to...the couple.
My wife has one independent credit card, so that she can maintain a semblance of autonomy, but we both know who buys what and when each bill is due. 99% of purchases use common credit/checking accounts. To maintain vastly separate accounts seems foolish.
If there are secrets, comparisons of who makes more or questions about who is spending how much money, then something is WRONG!
I agree completely... well, at least 99.9% agree. I feel I have to leave the 0.1% on the table because I see this same conversation on threads on other forums and there is always people who say they have separate accounts from their spouses and it works for them, so who am I to argue that it cant work, because it certainly does in a lot of cases. I dont personally get it, but if it works for some people, then great. I still think there is an underlying disconnect if they feel they need to keep finances separate from the person they vowed to stay with forever, but if it works for them, then thats great.
I will say, I was part of this same discussion (separate accounts, separate finances, separate 'stuff') a long time ago at a late night beer soaked poker game with all my friends, and I felt like the outcast because I was the lone one advocating combined finances, complete openness, joint accounts, etc and they were all telling me how I was getting taken advantage of, I dont have any freedom or independence, why should she get to spend money without 'checking with me' when I was the one who made most of it, etc. Fast forward 20 years and all those friends are divorced now. Literally every one of them. Not saying separate finances are the cause, but I do think they are a telling symptom of an underlying issue that if you cant connect about something as basic and necessary as your daily finances, you may well not be connected on a number of other levels as well. Just my own opinion.
One of the biggest proponents in that conversation of the "whats hers is hers, whats mine is mine, her money is her money, my money is my money, separate finances, split the bills 50-50 etc" friends recently went through his divorce, and called me up two days before the divorce was to be finalized and said everything is on hold now because he was rummaging through some old boxes of paperwork and found a 401k statement in her name that he didnt know about. Further discovery led to that account where she had over a quarter million dollars in that retirement account he didnt even know 'they' had. Or should I say, SHE had, separate finances and all that, I was quick to suggest to him. He then spent six weeks and several grand in legal fees fighting her for "his half" of the money that earlier in the marriage, had it been his account, would have been HIS money, not 'theirs', since thats how they handled their money, I again smugly pointed out, as I strutted around twirling my golf club and looking at my nonexistent watch and straightening my nonexistent tie with a self righteous smirk on my face before I stopped all this because I could tell he was about to smack me silly halfway into next month.
He, the court, his lawyer, or whoever eventually got her to write him a check for $125,000, his half of what she had accumulated that he didnt know about. I snarkily asked him why he thought he should have got any of it, since they split the bills 50-50 and whatever was left over, she kept her money, he kept his money, remember that big debate we all had that night uh huh? He just chuckled and said "yea well that goes out the door when you get divorced" and I said "maybe it should have gone out the door when you got married. You werent living like a married couple, you're living like college roomates with benefits just splitting the bills. Which is exactly what you were before you were married."
Like I said, if it works for some of you, have at it, I hope it continues to work. I dont get it though. (Hope I'm not coming off sounding too judgmental here..)
My wife and I both have our own incomes. I told her she can do whatever she wants with her money as we really don't need her income. I pay all of the bills so here's how it goes if we have a big financial decision to make. We discuss it, and if we have a disagreement, we discuss it some more. If we come to an impasse, I overrule her. I have always handled the family finances, and since I make the majority of the income, I am the tie breaker. She's okay with that, for the most part anyway...
Originally Posted by quint
He, the court, his lawyer, or whoever eventually got her to write him a check for $125,000, his half of what she had accumulated that he didnt know about. I snarkily asked him why he thought he should have got any of it, since they split the bills 50-50 and whatever was left over, she kept her money, he kept his money, remember that big debate we all had that night uh huh? He just chuckled and said "yea well that goes out the door when you get divorced"
Sounds like pure greed on your friend's part, which is a bigger issue than how you manage your finances, IMO.
He, the court, his lawyer, or whoever eventually got her to write him a check for $125,000, his half of what she had accumulated that he didnt know about. I snarkily asked him why he thought he should have got any of it, since they split the bills 50-50 and whatever was left over, she kept her money, he kept his money, remember that big debate we all had that night uh huh? He just chuckled and said "yea well that goes out the door when you get divorced"
Sounds like pure greed on your friend's part, which is a bigger issue than how you manage your finances, IMO.
A lot of people here seem to be assuming the wife is the one who wants to spend the money. The OP never specified who wants to spend the money, and who wants to save it.
Originally Posted by hatt
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
LOL. So you're not a team at all. If getting together on large purchases is asking permission obviously you guys aren't all that connected.
Thats your opinion, doesn't make it fact.
Where does it stop? If you wife comes home unannounced with a new Audi A8 that's cool? [/quote]
She is paying for it, so, that's her choice. What is wrong with that? When I bought my Ram, I just told her I'm buying a truck and all she said was she can't wait to see it.
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
LOL. So you're not a team at all. If getting together on large purchases is asking permission obviously you guys aren't all that connected.
Thats your opinion, doesn't make it fact.
Where does it stop? If you wife comes home unannounced with a new Audi A8 that's cool? [/quote]
She is paying for it, so, that's her choice. What is wrong with that? When I bought my Ram, I just told her I'm buying a truck and all she said was she can't wait to see it.
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
She is paying for it, so, that's her choice. What is wrong with that? When I bought my Ram, I just told her I'm buying a truck and all she said was she can't wait to see it.
I see you checked in with your wife before your purchase. My wife was pushing me to buy my current truck.
She is paying for it, so, that's her choice. What is wrong with that? When I bought my Ram, I just told her I'm buying a truck and all she said was she can't wait to see it.
I see you checked in with your wife before your purchase. My wife was pushing me to buy my current truck.
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Something to think about:
Nicolas Kilsdonk-Gervais summarizes rather bluntly:
"Economically, women cost more to the state than they benefit. Put another way, the government (or men) is literally paying women to be alive. Strong independent women are only that way because the state is transferring money from men to them."
So how bad is it? Kilsdonk-Gervais continues:
"By the end of her life, the average woman will have a negative fiscal impact of $150,000."
I don't have a wife that outspends me and my airplane. In fact, around here hang out at any boat ramp and notice the 3500 series diesel trucks towing fishing boats with 3ea. 250+HP engines on the back, coupled with a huge fuel bill. Relatively few women can truly outspend men. Even in very wealthy families.
However, it's good to remember who takes the risk to earn all that money. Very few women work as linemen or in power plants, or as airline captains, or as truck drivers, in logging, mining etc. Heck, just the training for an ATP airline captain requires one thousand five hundred hours of flight time in risky, small aircraft. Yes, they are risky, with fatality rates matching motorcycles. Risk, hard work, capability and hours on the job are directly intertwined with money.
Bottom line: Women take far less risk, work (by choice) different jobs and fewer hours than men. We men are entitled to spend appropriately.
Nicolas Kilsdonk-Gervais summarizes rather bluntly:
"Economically, women cost more to the state than they benefit. Put another way, the government (or men) is literally paying women to be alive. Strong independent women are only that way because the state is transferring money from men to them."
So how bad is it? Kilsdonk-Gervais continues:
"By the end of her life, the average woman will have a negative fiscal impact of $150,000."
I don't have a wife that outspends me and my airplane. In fact, around here hang out at any boat ramp and notice the 3500 series diesel trucks towing fishing boats with 3ea. 250+HP engines on the back, coupled with a huge fuel bill. Relatively few women can truly outspend men. Even in very wealthy families.
However, it's good to remember who takes the risk to earn all that money. Very few women work as linemen or in power plants, or as airline captains, or as truck drivers, in logging, mining etc. Heck, just the training for an ATP airline captain requires one thousand five hundred hours of flight time in risky, small aircraft. Yes, they are risky, with fatality rates matching motorcycles. Risk, hard work, capability and hours on the job are directly intertwined with money.
Bottom line: Women take far less risk, work (by choice) different jobs and fewer hours than men. We men are entitled to spend appropriately.
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Originally Posted by Cujet
Something to think about:
Nicolas Kilsdonk-Gervais summarizes rather bluntly:
"Economically, women cost more to the state than they benefit. Put another way, the government (or men) is literally paying women to be alive. Strong independent women are only that way because the state is transferring money from men to them."
So how bad is it? Kilsdonk-Gervais continues:
"By the end of her life, the average woman will have a negative fiscal impact of $150,000. Heck, just the training for an ATP airline captain requires one thousand five hundred hours of flight time in risky, small aircraft. Yes, they are risky, with fatality rates matching motorcycles. Risk, hard work, capability and hours on the job are directly intertwined with money.
Bottom line: Women take far less risk, work (by choice) different jobs and fewer hours than men. We men are entitled to spend appropriately.
On commercial passenger airline pilots the only 4 I know are two female and two male. One female a former KC-135 Pilot I think flying a large Boeing now.
Something to think about:
Nicolas Kilsdonk-Gervais summarizes rather bluntly:
"Economically, women cost more to the state than they benefit. Put another way, the government (or men) is literally paying women to be alive. Strong independent women are only that way because the state is transferring money from men to them."
So how bad is it? Kilsdonk-Gervais continues:
"By the end of her life, the average woman will have a negative fiscal impact of $150,000. Heck, just the training for an ATP airline captain requires one thousand five hundred hours of flight time in risky, small aircraft. Yes, they are risky, with fatality rates matching motorcycles. Risk, hard work, capability and hours on the job are directly intertwined with money.
Bottom line: Women take far less risk, work (by choice) different jobs and fewer hours than men. We men are entitled to spend appropriately.
On commercial passenger airline pilots the only 4 I know are two female and two male. One female a former KC-135 Pilot I think flying a large Boeing now.
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Originally Posted by hatt
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
She is paying for it, so, that's her choice. What is wrong with that? When I bought my Ram, I just told her I'm buying a truck and all she said was she can't wait to see it.
I see you checked in with your wife before your purchase. My wife was pushing me to buy my current truck.
I would have bought it regardless lol
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
She is paying for it, so, that's her choice. What is wrong with that? When I bought my Ram, I just told her I'm buying a truck and all she said was she can't wait to see it.
I see you checked in with your wife before your purchase. My wife was pushing me to buy my current truck.
I would have bought it regardless lol
My wife and I have a combined account we only need to inform each other of any luxury expense over $100.. all bills are on auto pay. She also makes more than me so I'm not too picky with her disposable income. She's usually very generous anyway most purchases benefit both of us. I think an agreement and communication is important
.
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There's a book called "proper care and feeding of husbands"
It works.
The basic premise is that the woman's actions decide if the marriage works well or not. She has to put forth 100% effort to see her man happy.
Regardless of how the finances are, ask yourself if she really deep down puts forth effort to see you happy.
I suggest you both read it.
It works.
The basic premise is that the woman's actions decide if the marriage works well or not. She has to put forth 100% effort to see her man happy.
Regardless of how the finances are, ask yourself if she really deep down puts forth effort to see you happy.
I suggest you both read it.
Originally Posted by Malo83
Seems to me people with separate accounts have some underlying TRUST issues
My wife and I have such accounts. Completely visible to one another online but just logical buckets of money. Her flow in is per diem job she has. Mine is side gig consulting. Our personally play money to spend how we choose on self, family or each other.
Seems to me people with separate accounts have some underlying TRUST issues
My wife and I have such accounts. Completely visible to one another online but just logical buckets of money. Her flow in is per diem job she has. Mine is side gig consulting. Our personally play money to spend how we choose on self, family or each other.
Does anyone here have a wife that actually outspends them?
I like and generally own things like:
Racing bicycles
Sports cars
Motorcycles
Airplanes
Seadoo's
Audio equipment
Machine shop equipment and tooling
TIG welders
And so on.
I like and generally own things like:
Racing bicycles
Sports cars
Motorcycles
Airplanes
Seadoo's
Audio equipment
Machine shop equipment and tooling
TIG welders
And so on.
Originally Posted by Cujet
Does anyone here have a wife that actually outspends them?
I like and generally own things like:
Racing bicycles
Sports cars
Motorcycles
Airplanes
Seadoo's
Audio equipment
Machine shop equipment and tooling
TIG welders
And so on.
I spend more than my wife for sure.
Does anyone here have a wife that actually outspends them?
I like and generally own things like:
Racing bicycles
Sports cars
Motorcycles
Airplanes
Seadoo's
Audio equipment
Machine shop equipment and tooling
TIG welders
And so on.
I spend more than my wife for sure.
Originally Posted by callbay
Any method of agreeing on how to spend money with your spouse that works for you?
The most effective strategy I use is reverse psychology. It works more often than not.
Any method of agreeing on how to spend money with your spouse that works for you?
The most effective strategy I use is reverse psychology. It works more often than not.
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