Recent Topics
Impact driver for auto work?
by Klutch9 - 09/20/19 07:27 PM
2000 Honda CR-V Ex transmission fluid?
by taztheman - 09/20/19 05:36 PM
Pennzoil Launches Four New Motor Oils
by jayjr1105 - 09/20/19 05:25 PM
Strange TPMS ID and no tire warning yet
by Patrick0525 - 09/20/19 05:18 PM
HF Icon Tool Storage - A Game Changer?
by user52165 - 09/20/19 04:39 PM
Update on my sister's oil burning Tucson
by carviewsonic - 09/20/19 04:37 PM
Shell Spirax 85W-140
by kstanf150 - 09/20/19 03:03 PM
Happy B-Day, BCardinal
by pandus13 - 09/20/19 02:51 PM
Oil temps: Summer vs Winter
by Snagglefoot - 09/20/19 12:42 PM
2008 Hyundai Sonata 2.4 - poor heat
by Number_35 - 09/20/19 11:40 AM
Odd situation. What would you do?
by skaughtz - 09/20/19 11:35 AM
Honda CVT and 6AT fluid replacement
by Schmoe - 09/20/19 11:05 AM
Oil pump problem???
by Speak2Mountain - 09/20/19 10:55 AM
Installing a New Transmission Gasket Question
by Kira - 09/20/19 10:48 AM
2010 Honda Accord P/S pump talking a bit
by Kira - 09/20/19 10:45 AM
What size Jack Stands do you use?
by JC1 - 09/20/19 10:24 AM
Engine oil & CAFE program and MPG ratings
by littleant - 09/20/19 10:06 AM
Newest Members
SpencerCreek, Debe, Rengrox, Jenel7, Jeojevero
69341 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
93 registered members (01rangerxl, Al, 330indy, 4WD, altima_rider, 14Accent, 7 invisible), 1,992 guests, and 26 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics294,832
Posts5,067,598
Members69,341
Most Online3,532
Jul 30th, 2019
Donate to BITOG
Print Thread
Hop To
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5092965 05/01/19 05:32 PM
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
9
92saturnsl2 Offline
Offline
9
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Become the sole income earner! J/k, well sort of. Luckily my wife has a very frugal personality, but in a pinch there's always the "I work full time and put in overtime" card I can play if necessary. Playing that card will usually yield the "then you pay for daycare" argument, but most times she relents.

I use checking account w/ direct deposit to pay bills. For spending money we each have a low limit (deliberate, few hundred bucks each) credit card which is essentially our "disposable income". The limit is low enough that the balance can be paid in full each month within our budget for disposable income. If I notice we're spending too much or money might be tight in a given month, a quick "hey we have to cut back a bit this month" usually works without too much drama. Using a credit card also gives us cash back on all our purchases and the low limit helps immensely to cut down on individual overspending.


1985 F-250HD 7.5L 4x4 135k- Castrol GTX 15w-40
04 Odyssey EX 190k Valv. Durablend 5w-30
96 Maxima GLE 268k Shell Rotella T5 10w-30
07 Chrysler Pacifica Limited 4.0L 140k Castrol Edge 0w-30 Euro
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: Quattro Pete] #5092997 05/01/19 05:59 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,900
X
xxch4osxx Offline
Offline
X
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,900
Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Separate accounts.


Exactly. I don't tell her what to do with her money and she does't tell me what to do with mine. Never understood why some people need to "ask permission" from their other half in order to spend their own money.


2015 RAM SXT Crew Cab 5.7 with 6 speed tranny.

2008 Mazda 3 GS Sport Hatchback 5sp MT (Girlfriend's car)

Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5093023 05/01/19 06:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 22,806
D
Donald Offline
Offline
D
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 22,806
The basic way (worked for my parents for 60 years) is to split the bills (may not be 50/50) but then each should set aside some play money to do what they want with.

If your wife wants to spend $100 on fancy shoes then let her and say they look nice. She won't complain when you buy a $50 filter cutter. That assumes the basic bills are being paid and this is extra money.


2015 Subaru Forester 2.5 engine/CVT
2015 Ford F250 w/Powerstroke
2016 Subaru Crosstrek CVT (wife's)
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: xxch4osxx] #5093024 05/01/19 06:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,421
H
hatt Offline
Offline
H
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,421
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Separate accounts.


Exactly. I don't tell her what to do with her money and she does't tell me what to do with mine. Never understood why some people need to "ask permission" from their other half in order to spend their own money.

It's called a team.


2013 F150 5.0, Delo XLE CK-4 10W-30, Baldwin B7449
2010 Camry 2.5, PP 10W-30, Mobil1 M1C-251A
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: hatt] #5093034 05/01/19 06:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,900
X
xxch4osxx Offline
Offline
X
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,900
Originally Posted by hatt
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Separate accounts.


Exactly. I don't tell her what to do with her money and she does't tell me what to do with mine. Never understood why some people need to "ask permission" from their other half in order to spend their own money.

It's called a team.


We are a team without needing to ask "permission"


2015 RAM SXT Crew Cab 5.7 with 6 speed tranny.

2008 Mazda 3 GS Sport Hatchback 5sp MT (Girlfriend's car)

Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: xxch4osxx] #5093046 05/01/19 06:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,421
H
hatt Offline
Offline
H
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,421
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
Originally Posted by hatt
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx
Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Separate accounts.


Exactly. I don't tell her what to do with her money and she does't tell me what to do with mine. Never understood why some people need to "ask permission" from their other half in order to spend their own money.

It's called a team.


We are a team without needing to ask "permission"

LOL. So you're not a team at all. If getting together on large purchases is asking permission obviously you guys aren't all that connected.


2013 F150 5.0, Delo XLE CK-4 10W-30, Baldwin B7449
2010 Camry 2.5, PP 10W-30, Mobil1 M1C-251A
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: Quattro Pete] #5093073 05/01/19 07:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,379
gathermewool Offline
Offline
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,379
Originally Posted by Quattro Pete
Originally Posted by gathermewool
I think separate accounts for married folks is an absolutely terrible idea!

It's not a terrible idea if these separate individual accounts are kept IN ADDITION to a shared account from which all the household bills get paid, and to which both spouses equally contribute.

If you want to buy something "for the household" that everyone will benefit from, you discuss this with your spouse in advance and then pay for it with the shared account. But if you buy something that only you will benefit from, then you pay for it with your personal account.

This assumes that both spouses generate decent amount of income.


I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership. If partners consider themselves equals, then what does it matter who contributes more? The assets of a couple should literally belong to...the couple.

My wife has one independent credit card, so that she can maintain a semblance of autonomy, but we both know who buys what and when each bill is due. 99% of purchases use common credit/checking accounts. To maintain vastly separate accounts seems foolish.

If there are secrets, comparisons of who makes more or questions about who is spending how much money, then something is WRONG!


14 Forester XT Touring FA20DIT (Cobb Stage 1)
Castrol Magnatec 5W-30 D1G2 + FU filter (72,320mi, 8/24/19)
15 Legacy Premium FB25
Magnatec 5W-20 + FU filter (47,300mi, 5/11/19)
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5093076 05/01/19 07:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,379
gathermewool Offline
Offline
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,379
Originally Posted by hatt

LOL. So you're not a team at all. If getting together on large purchases is asking permission obviously you guys aren't all that connected.


+1


14 Forester XT Touring FA20DIT (Cobb Stage 1)
Castrol Magnatec 5W-30 D1G2 + FU filter (72,320mi, 8/24/19)
15 Legacy Premium FB25
Magnatec 5W-20 + FU filter (47,300mi, 5/11/19)
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: hatt] #5093090 05/01/19 07:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,900
X
xxch4osxx Offline
Offline
X
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,900

LOL. So you're not a team at all. If getting together on large purchases is asking permission obviously you guys aren't all that connected. [/quote]

Thats your opinion, doesn't make it fact.


2015 RAM SXT Crew Cab 5.7 with 6 speed tranny.

2008 Mazda 3 GS Sport Hatchback 5sp MT (Girlfriend's car)

Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: xxch4osxx] #5093095 05/01/19 07:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,421
H
hatt Offline
Offline
H
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,421
Originally Posted by xxch4osxx

LOL. So you're not a team at all. If getting together on large purchases is asking permission obviously you guys aren't all that connected.


Thats your opinion, doesn't make it fact. [/quote]
Where does it stop? If you wife comes home unannounced with a new Audi A8 that's cool?


2013 F150 5.0, Delo XLE CK-4 10W-30, Baldwin B7449
2010 Camry 2.5, PP 10W-30, Mobil1 M1C-251A
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5093112 05/01/19 07:41 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43,297
S
Shannow Offline
Offline
S
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43,297
Just pay the credit card at the end of the month...

And put up a motivational poster on your side of the bed...

"Work
Pay Bills
and Die"

works for me.


If it's the truth....it can handle the pressure !!!
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5093121 05/01/19 07:46 PM
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,121
M
madRiver Offline
Offline
M
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,121
Both of you come up with a budget together to cover expenses, retirement, emergency fund, and hopefully get of any debt. Then allocate a certain amount of budget to each person to spend/save as they want.

My wife and I have done that for 15 years. Works well.

Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: gathermewool] #5093230 05/01/19 09:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 38,008
Q
Quattro Pete Offline
Offline
Q
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 38,008
Originally Posted by gathermewool
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership.

You may not agree, but one could make a loose analogy between marriage and a business partnership. You're in a business of running a household, raising a family, and securing retirement. When a partnership is formed, each partner throws some money into the pot and they work as a team toward common goals, but they still keep some money aside as well to enjoy their individual hobbies and activities.

I realize that in marriage we all do things out of love that no business partner would do for the other business partner, but a lot of marriages would be better off if they managed their finances as well as businesses do.

Keeping separate accounts may not be for everyone, but it does work for some.



2002 530i   2015 Q5 3.0T   2018 Charger SRT
Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5093650 05/02/19 10:44 AM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
Q
quint Offline
Offline
Q
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
Originally Posted by gathermewool
I don't understand. Any argument for separate accounts is, in essence, an argument against consolidating resources and working as a true partnership. If partners consider themselves equals, then what does it matter who contributes more? The assets of a couple should literally belong to...the couple.

My wife has one independent credit card, so that she can maintain a semblance of autonomy, but we both know who buys what and when each bill is due. 99% of purchases use common credit/checking accounts. To maintain vastly separate accounts seems foolish.

If there are secrets, comparisons of who makes more or questions about who is spending how much money, then something is WRONG!


I agree completely... well, at least 99.9% agree. I feel I have to leave the 0.1% on the table because I see this same conversation on threads on other forums and there is always people who say they have separate accounts from their spouses and it works for them, so who am I to argue that it cant work, because it certainly does in a lot of cases. I dont personally get it, but if it works for some people, then great. I still think there is an underlying disconnect if they feel they need to keep finances separate from the person they vowed to stay with forever, but if it works for them, then thats great.

I will say, I was part of this same discussion (separate accounts, separate finances, separate 'stuff') a long time ago at a late night beer soaked poker game with all my friends, and I felt like the outcast because I was the lone one advocating combined finances, complete openness, joint accounts, etc and they were all telling me how I was getting taken advantage of, I dont have any freedom or independence, why should she get to spend money without 'checking with me' when I was the one who made most of it, etc. Fast forward 20 years and all those friends are divorced now. Literally every one of them. Not saying separate finances are the cause, but I do think they are a telling symptom of an underlying issue that if you cant connect about something as basic and necessary as your daily finances, you may well not be connected on a number of other levels as well. Just my own opinion.

One of the biggest proponents in that conversation of the "whats hers is hers, whats mine is mine, her money is her money, my money is my money, separate finances, split the bills 50-50 etc" friends recently went through his divorce, and called me up two days before the divorce was to be finalized and said everything is on hold now because he was rummaging through some old boxes of paperwork and found a 401k statement in her name that he didnt know about. Further discovery led to that account where she had over a quarter million dollars in that retirement account he didnt even know 'they' had. Or should I say, SHE had, separate finances and all that, I was quick to suggest to him. He then spent six weeks and several grand in legal fees fighting her for "his half" of the money that earlier in the marriage, had it been his account, would have been HIS money, not 'theirs', since thats how they handled their money, I again smugly pointed out, as I strutted around twirling my golf club and looking at my nonexistent watch and straightening my nonexistent tie with a self righteous smirk on my face before I stopped all this because I could tell he was about to smack me silly halfway into next month.

He, the court, his lawyer, or whoever eventually got her to write him a check for $125,000, his half of what she had accumulated that he didnt know about. I snarkily asked him why he thought he should have got any of it, since they split the bills 50-50 and whatever was left over, she kept her money, he kept his money, remember that big debate we all had that night uh huh? He just chuckled and said "yea well that goes out the door when you get divorced" and I said "maybe it should have gone out the door when you got married. You werent living like a married couple, you're living like college roomates with benefits just splitting the bills. Which is exactly what you were before you were married."

Like I said, if it works for some of you, have at it, I hope it continues to work. I dont get it though. (Hope I'm not coming off sounding too judgmental here..)

Re: Need help. How to agree on spending decisions with wife. [Re: callbay] #5093701 05/02/19 11:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 9,107
grampi Offline
Offline
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 9,107
My wife and I both have our own incomes. I told her she can do whatever she wants with her money as we really don't need her income. I pay all of the bills so here's how it goes if we have a big financial decision to make. We discuss it, and if we have a disagreement, we discuss it some more. If we come to an impasse, I overrule her. I have always handled the family finances, and since I make the majority of the income, I am the tie breaker. She's okay with that, for the most part anyway...

Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread

BOB IS THE OIL GUY® Powered by UBB.threads™