We have separate bank acts so no issues there. We have to sell the house we purchased together and split the profits. I have 2 paid off vehicles, she has 2 years left on her Cadillac. She can have one of my trucks if she wants. She will go after the house I brought into the marriage though. My attorney is working that, should be separate property. She made the same if not more money than me when we first married but had since quit and made a whole lot less, not enough to help w the mortgage, bills, etc after her car payment. So I know I will owe spousal support for about 2.5 years. I have my guns in a large safe that she doesn't have the combo too. Everything else in the house I'm not worried about her taking as she is just not that king of person, but even if she does, I have it documented w photos and video per my attorneys advice.
Filing for divorce
- Thread starter barkingspider
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Originally Posted by Greggy_D
I was going to say Lawyer Up, however you already have one. Hopefully he/she is good. And FILE FIRST.
Since you don't have kids, this SHOULD be a fast transaction. Don't let the attorneys milk both of you dry by dragging it out.
Get it done.
Yes. You have a simple divide everything down the middle divorce. Don't let the lawyers fax and fight each other. Don't let them play to your emotions. That's their game.
I was going to say Lawyer Up, however you already have one. Hopefully he/she is good. And FILE FIRST.
Since you don't have kids, this SHOULD be a fast transaction. Don't let the attorneys milk both of you dry by dragging it out.
Get it done.
Yes. You have a simple divide everything down the middle divorce. Don't let the lawyers fax and fight each other. Don't let them play to your emotions. That's their game.
Listen to Astro. It sounds like our exes went to the same school. I had an ex that wanted a fight, and the only thing I could do was pay a lawyer to counter her. Two, actually. By the time it was done, legal fees in 2 states totaled in the low 6 figures. If I didn't have good lawyers, it would have cost me everything I had, bankrupted me, and mortgaged my future earnings for at least 10 years. As expensive as that divorce was, it was the best money I have ever spent.
With her priors, I suspect your wife is ahead of you on the planning and execution of the break-up. This might be a good time to talk to her exes to see the strategy she used previously. They may end up being sympathetic.
All she has to do is allege the threat of violence (no proof needed, you won't even be notified of the hearing), and you will be kicked out of the house, not have access to records, possessions, etc. In most states your weapons will be confiscated. She will have access to everything that is yours, and you will have, at most, a couple of suitcases.
Some of this is repeated. I recommend the following:
1. If you have joint accounts, either close them or minimize the funds in them. If she pays the bills and you leave the funds in for that purpose, there is no guarantee she won't just stop paying and walk away with the money. Pay the bills yourself and keep records.
2. Call credit card companies and freeze the accounts if she has access to them. My ex charged her $5k lawyer's retainer on a joint card account I had forgotten I was on, and I was responsible for it.
3. Give any firearms you own to your parents with the instructions they aren't to release them to anybody, even you if you demand it. Execute a transfer if registered, or a bill of sale. Hopefully they will give/sell them back to you after the divorce is final.
4. Rent a truck if necessary to get anything that is yours and that you want out of the house. Especially records and things of a personal nature. Otherwise you may never see these things again. Very few things are worth paying a lawyer's time in court to [maybe] get back.
5. Document, document, document. I can't stress this enough.
6. Do not get into a verbal fight or argument with her if the relationship is over. She may say horrible things to get you to engage. Don't, no matter what she says, who she insults, etc.
With her priors, I suspect your wife is ahead of you on the planning and execution of the break-up. This might be a good time to talk to her exes to see the strategy she used previously. They may end up being sympathetic.
All she has to do is allege the threat of violence (no proof needed, you won't even be notified of the hearing), and you will be kicked out of the house, not have access to records, possessions, etc. In most states your weapons will be confiscated. She will have access to everything that is yours, and you will have, at most, a couple of suitcases.
Some of this is repeated. I recommend the following:
1. If you have joint accounts, either close them or minimize the funds in them. If she pays the bills and you leave the funds in for that purpose, there is no guarantee she won't just stop paying and walk away with the money. Pay the bills yourself and keep records.
2. Call credit card companies and freeze the accounts if she has access to them. My ex charged her $5k lawyer's retainer on a joint card account I had forgotten I was on, and I was responsible for it.
3. Give any firearms you own to your parents with the instructions they aren't to release them to anybody, even you if you demand it. Execute a transfer if registered, or a bill of sale. Hopefully they will give/sell them back to you after the divorce is final.
4. Rent a truck if necessary to get anything that is yours and that you want out of the house. Especially records and things of a personal nature. Otherwise you may never see these things again. Very few things are worth paying a lawyer's time in court to [maybe] get back.
5. Document, document, document. I can't stress this enough.
6. Do not get into a verbal fight or argument with her if the relationship is over. She may say horrible things to get you to engage. Don't, no matter what she says, who she insults, etc.
Originally Posted by barkingspider
We have separate bank acts so no issues there. We have to sell the house we purchased together and split the profits. I have 2 paid off vehicles, she has 2 years left on her Cadillac. She can have one of my trucks if she wants. She will go after the house I brought into the marriage though. My attorney is working that, should be separate property. She made the same if not more money than me when we first married but had since quit and made a whole lot less, not enough to help w the mortgage, bills, etc after her car payment. So I know I will owe spousal support for about 2.5 years. I have my guns in a large safe that she doesn't have the combo too. Everything else in the house I'm not worried about her taking as she is just not that king of person, but even if she does, I have it documented w photos and video per my attorneys advice.
Good.
Now, just because she makes less currently doesn't mean you'll owe spousal. Depends on the state, of course, but if she has demonstrated the ability to earn a higher income, that's the income that should be considered for spousal support, not her current income.
Lots of guys over the years have tried to show a lower income, to reduce child support and spousal support, and they ended up having to pay based on the demonstrated previous income. I.E. you can't change jobs and then claim that you're unable to earn what you used to. The only time that counts is in the event of a disability, or permanent change. For example, attorney goes to culinary school, his lifelong passion, and then claims he can't pay child support based on his FORMER six figure income, that those awards have to be based on his new, $20K income. Judges will, in many states, throw that sort of thing right out and base spousal or child support on the former income.
So, what's good for the goose...
Your attorney will be able to tell you what applies in your case.
Property owned before the marriage is clearly yours. Some property, like your current house, becomes commingled.
If you can show the equity prior to marriage, and the equity on the date you file (separation date), then the marital portion of that property is limited to the increase in the equity. Not all the equity.
It is only the marital portion that must be divided.
We have separate bank acts so no issues there. We have to sell the house we purchased together and split the profits. I have 2 paid off vehicles, she has 2 years left on her Cadillac. She can have one of my trucks if she wants. She will go after the house I brought into the marriage though. My attorney is working that, should be separate property. She made the same if not more money than me when we first married but had since quit and made a whole lot less, not enough to help w the mortgage, bills, etc after her car payment. So I know I will owe spousal support for about 2.5 years. I have my guns in a large safe that she doesn't have the combo too. Everything else in the house I'm not worried about her taking as she is just not that king of person, but even if she does, I have it documented w photos and video per my attorneys advice.
Good.
Now, just because she makes less currently doesn't mean you'll owe spousal. Depends on the state, of course, but if she has demonstrated the ability to earn a higher income, that's the income that should be considered for spousal support, not her current income.
Lots of guys over the years have tried to show a lower income, to reduce child support and spousal support, and they ended up having to pay based on the demonstrated previous income. I.E. you can't change jobs and then claim that you're unable to earn what you used to. The only time that counts is in the event of a disability, or permanent change. For example, attorney goes to culinary school, his lifelong passion, and then claims he can't pay child support based on his FORMER six figure income, that those awards have to be based on his new, $20K income. Judges will, in many states, throw that sort of thing right out and base spousal or child support on the former income.
So, what's good for the goose...
Your attorney will be able to tell you what applies in your case.
Property owned before the marriage is clearly yours. Some property, like your current house, becomes commingled.
If you can show the equity prior to marriage, and the equity on the date you file (separation date), then the marital portion of that property is limited to the increase in the equity. Not all the equity.
It is only the marital portion that must be divided.
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I see you posted again while I was writing this. If your wife voluntarily quit her well paying job, and is capable of working, you very well might not have to pay any spousal support. My ex quit working just before filing for divorce, and the judge was not sympathetic in a subsequent hearing. Other than some temporary spousal support before that hearing, she got nothing.
The last thing you want is an opposing party that has his / ( usually ) her head filled with all kinds of unrealistic expectations. Friends are good at this. Sometimes bad lawyers are good at this.
Women can be pretty vicious opponents, typically more so than men. Children are commonly used as leverage - women often consider children as property. Their property,
Not uncommon to come home to a clean out. If you notice stuff just "disappearing", beware. For that matter, thanks to orders of protection, it is not all that uncommon for someone to be told they just can't come home under severe penalty of law. You get a few articles of clothing while the cops keep an eye on you. Good luck getting an apartment ( or lawyer ) when your bank account is empty.
Quote
It is only the marital portion that must be divided.
In my state, generally true, that only the increase in value of pre marital property becomes marital property and hence divisible. Stocks are pretty easy to back value, but few people have their real estate appraised before they tie the knot. In my state, gain or loss doesn't cut off on the filing date - a person is married until the judge says they're not.
Women can be pretty vicious opponents, typically more so than men. Children are commonly used as leverage - women often consider children as property. Their property,
Not uncommon to come home to a clean out. If you notice stuff just "disappearing", beware. For that matter, thanks to orders of protection, it is not all that uncommon for someone to be told they just can't come home under severe penalty of law. You get a few articles of clothing while the cops keep an eye on you. Good luck getting an apartment ( or lawyer ) when your bank account is empty.
Quote
It is only the marital portion that must be divided.
In my state, generally true, that only the increase in value of pre marital property becomes marital property and hence divisible. Stocks are pretty easy to back value, but few people have their real estate appraised before they tie the knot. In my state, gain or loss doesn't cut off on the filing date - a person is married until the judge says they're not.
Originally Posted by Win
The last thing you want is an opposing party that has his / ( usually ) her head filled with all kinds of unrealistic expectations. Friends are good at this. Sometimes bad lawyers are good at this.
Women can be pretty vicious opponents, typically more so than men. Children are commonly used as leverage - women often consider children as property. Their property,
Not uncommon to come home to a clean out. If you notice stuff just "disappearing", beware. For that matter, thanks to orders of protection, it is not all that uncommon for someone to be told they just can't come home under severe penalty of law. You get a few articles of clothing while the cops keep an eye on you. Good luck getting an apartment ( or lawyer ) when your bank account is empty.
Quoted for truth.
Both my brothers were taken to the cleaners by women that had values upon marriage, but deteriorated to vile creatures with no object other than to inflict pain and punishment upon filing. As much as you think you know them before they file, it is a distant memory. After they file they are a whole new animal...and I do mean animal because there is no humanity left in them. They know the system and that the system is in their favor...and they will squeeze you for every penny.
It is quite sad to see.
The last thing you want is an opposing party that has his / ( usually ) her head filled with all kinds of unrealistic expectations. Friends are good at this. Sometimes bad lawyers are good at this.
Women can be pretty vicious opponents, typically more so than men. Children are commonly used as leverage - women often consider children as property. Their property,
Not uncommon to come home to a clean out. If you notice stuff just "disappearing", beware. For that matter, thanks to orders of protection, it is not all that uncommon for someone to be told they just can't come home under severe penalty of law. You get a few articles of clothing while the cops keep an eye on you. Good luck getting an apartment ( or lawyer ) when your bank account is empty.
Quoted for truth.
Both my brothers were taken to the cleaners by women that had values upon marriage, but deteriorated to vile creatures with no object other than to inflict pain and punishment upon filing. As much as you think you know them before they file, it is a distant memory. After they file they are a whole new animal...and I do mean animal because there is no humanity left in them. They know the system and that the system is in their favor...and they will squeeze you for every penny.
It is quite sad to see.
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Originally Posted by JohnnyJohnson
Unless you plan on having kids next time its just better to rent
Same here.
I was married once - that is enough.
I have one daughter.
Current girlfriend has "tubes tied" - which is fine, neither of us ever wish for more kids again.
Neither of us wish to be married again. We still treat each other very well - we'll see how it goes.
I can see no reason to ever get married ever again.
Unless you plan on having kids next time its just better to rent
Same here.
I was married once - that is enough.
I have one daughter.
Current girlfriend has "tubes tied" - which is fine, neither of us ever wish for more kids again.
Neither of us wish to be married again. We still treat each other very well - we'll see how it goes.
I can see no reason to ever get married ever again.
OP, sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm 31 and single so can't speak to any suggestions on what to do. Out of curiosity, did anything in your gut tell you or make you sometimes think that she wasn't the right woman before you married her? Marriage scares the heck out of me because of the horror stories I hear - even sometimes the woman is completely normal and then after marriage it goes down the drain. Did you live with her for a while and if so did it reveal anything?
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Originally Posted by barkingspider
I have my guns in a large safe that she doesn't have the combo too.
Get the guns out( without her knowing) and somewhere else, leave the safe.
Originally Posted by barkingspider
Everything else in the house I'm not worried about her taking as she is just not that king of person
No, but her friends and lawyer might be that kind of person.
I have my guns in a large safe that she doesn't have the combo too.
Get the guns out( without her knowing) and somewhere else, leave the safe.
Originally Posted by barkingspider
Everything else in the house I'm not worried about her taking as she is just not that king of person
No, but her friends and lawyer might be that kind of person.
Originally Posted by Jarlaxle
Originally Posted by CT8
You would be surprised how vicious women are.
Not after what happened to my cousin. His wife coldly, and with months of planning, destroyed his life overnight and drove him to suicide.
Not quite.... but almost as bad. Mine did not destroy me overnight - - she was 'kind enough" to give me some warning.
I, too - - thought of eating a bullet - - many, many times. I made it through, but just barely.
Originally Posted by CT8
You would be surprised how vicious women are.
Not after what happened to my cousin. His wife coldly, and with months of planning, destroyed his life overnight and drove him to suicide.
Not quite.... but almost as bad. Mine did not destroy me overnight - - she was 'kind enough" to give me some warning.
I, too - - thought of eating a bullet - - many, many times. I made it through, but just barely.
Originally Posted by GMFan
Marriage scares the heck out of me because of the horror stories I hear - even sometimes the woman is completely normal and then after marriage it goes down the drain. Did you live with her for a while and if so did it reveal anything?
Living with someone before marriage can really tell you a lot, and some people wont show their true self unless they are in that living situation.
But don't live with her if you really don't plan on marrying her, because if you don't get engaged and have a plan for marriage she will most likely short circuit and leave.
Marriage scares the heck out of me because of the horror stories I hear - even sometimes the woman is completely normal and then after marriage it goes down the drain. Did you live with her for a while and if so did it reveal anything?
Living with someone before marriage can really tell you a lot, and some people wont show their true self unless they are in that living situation.
But don't live with her if you really don't plan on marrying her, because if you don't get engaged and have a plan for marriage she will most likely short circuit and leave.
Another thing that must be done is that one must take a real practical look at what one expects after being converted from girlfriend/boyfriend to wife/husband. A lot of recognized and unrecognized cultures have very tyrannical expectations of roles within marriage. There is a serious and credible belief that one either tolerates, accepts, or "goes along with it" until the official title has been given, and then institutes all of the unspoken expectations that were never discussed, yet assumed.
When I was engaged, it was fortunately made clear to me that I was expected to sell most of my property that did not meet approval, and purchase things I had no interest in. Was also expected to change my lifestyle and drop certain associations. The person who is more in love with the "person you could be" than who you actually are is always a bad idea.
Seen way too many people bullied into living lives they really don't want just to keep things happy with their mate.
You also need to be very aware of the influential people in their life of their same gender. When you have a disagreement with the spouse, these people are either going to help bolster your relationship, or destroy it completely. Even when there is nothing going on, they will do the same. Honestly, if they are that easily influenced in the first place, probably better to dodge the whole thing.
Appropriate research needs to be done as well. When I was living in NY, there was a woman going around who had a nasty habit of involving herself with well-to-do men, claiming domestic violence, and walking away with everything not bolted down with impunity. One man nearly lost his job after she started going to his workplace and leaving fliers on his co-workers windows alleging him to have inappropriate desires.
Most importantly, always be 100% upfront about who you are and what you want. Hold no punches. If the person you are dealing with cannot handle it, then you are likely dealing with a child (regardless of their age) and not an adult.
When I was engaged, it was fortunately made clear to me that I was expected to sell most of my property that did not meet approval, and purchase things I had no interest in. Was also expected to change my lifestyle and drop certain associations. The person who is more in love with the "person you could be" than who you actually are is always a bad idea.
Seen way too many people bullied into living lives they really don't want just to keep things happy with their mate.
You also need to be very aware of the influential people in their life of their same gender. When you have a disagreement with the spouse, these people are either going to help bolster your relationship, or destroy it completely. Even when there is nothing going on, they will do the same. Honestly, if they are that easily influenced in the first place, probably better to dodge the whole thing.
Appropriate research needs to be done as well. When I was living in NY, there was a woman going around who had a nasty habit of involving herself with well-to-do men, claiming domestic violence, and walking away with everything not bolted down with impunity. One man nearly lost his job after she started going to his workplace and leaving fliers on his co-workers windows alleging him to have inappropriate desires.
Most importantly, always be 100% upfront about who you are and what you want. Hold no punches. If the person you are dealing with cannot handle it, then you are likely dealing with a child (regardless of their age) and not an adult.
Divorce doesnt have to be expensive, you can both act like adults and settle things out, then TELL the attorneys how you want it written up. You will save a boat load of money.
or ...
You can let your attorneys take control and battle it out which will suck every penny they can out of you both. Shoot for plan A above.
or ...
You can let your attorneys take control and battle it out which will suck every penny they can out of you both. Shoot for plan A above.
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And women wonder why many men don't want to get married anymore...
I wish you the best of luck, OP.
I wish you the best of luck, OP.
Attorneys love when husband and wife drag the fight out for a very long time.
Cut your losses and stay friendly with her.
Cut your losses and stay friendly with her.
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