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Gift giving \ receiving etiquette #4806145
07/05/18 06:18 PM
07/05/18 06:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 54
FLORIDA
Walmill Offline OP
Walmill  Offline OP
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 54
FLORIDA
When giving a gift to someone, is it fair for the gift giver to have expectations as to how the gift is to be used?
Likewise does the gift recipient have an obligation to the giver?
In other words if I give billybob a flashlight is billybob "allowed" to do whatever the [censored] he wants with it?

Several years ago I gave my now wife an ipod, that she wanted, not something I got her that she had no use for. Several months or a year later after visiting with her family she came back without the iPod. Her younger brother, an adult of working age who was currently employed somehow was using it now because he didn't have a phone to communicate with. The plan was he was going to buy whatwver phone waa about to be released at the time then shed get the iPod back. Months passed by I kind of forgot about it but then brought up what's up with her ipod. It ended up probably being a good two years before I got [censored] enough that I made her ask for it back. She still didn't really understand where I was coming from. In her eyes I gave her the item and so it shouldn't matter to me what she does with it (not exact words)
Opinions? Quite a few people I've spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.

Related to the subject, my mom will for example have clothes given to her from years ago. She hasnt worn them in years but will refuse to give them away because X person gave it to her. If Y person goes to her house she puts on the shirt Y person got her. If person Z comes over she uses the pot person Z bought her even if its buried in the back or the cabinet.

Surely theres a happy medium?


1994 f150, 4.9L, E4OD, RWD. 194XXX miles
2016 Hyundai elantra value edition 21000 miles
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806150
07/05/18 06:25 PM
07/05/18 06:25 PM
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 5,086
North Carolina
rooflessVW Online content
rooflessVW  Online Content
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 5,086
North Carolina
It's a gift.

The purpose of a gift is to make the person receiving the gift happy. It doesn't need to be read into any farther than that, and when it is, a gift can often become a burden.


"Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead."
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806153
07/05/18 06:25 PM
07/05/18 06:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,471
NJ
Leo99 Online content
Leo99  Online Content
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,471
NJ
Gifts don't come with strings attached. Except... I was gifted golf clubs when I was young. They were hand me downs. There were a string of 4 men/boys. I was the youngest/poorest. When the top guy bought new clubs the old clubs got passed down. So, basically, when Mr. R. bought new clubs we all moved up a set. I continue that tradition and will gift a used golf club to a friend with the stipulation that he can't sell it when he no longer wants it. He has to gift it to someone else.

Last edited by Leo99; 07/05/18 06:53 PM.

Without data you're just another person with an opinion. W. E. Deming

2003 Corolla 250,000 miles (RIP)
2004 Corolla 125,000 miles
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Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806154
07/05/18 06:26 PM
07/05/18 06:26 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,926
Texas
Bud Offline
Bud  Offline
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,926
Texas
Once you give something, you have no more control over it. Nor should you.


2016 Honda Pilot EX-L with NAVI.....Mobil 1 0w20 AFE and Honda OEM Filter
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806157
07/05/18 06:28 PM
07/05/18 06:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 11,075
Phoenix, AZ
Nick1994 Offline
Nick1994  Offline
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 11,075
Phoenix, AZ
Whatever they do with it is their deal.

But perhaps if you keep buying things for someone that they end up giving them away or selling them, maybe change your habits on what you buy them or how often etc.


2015 Hyundai Sonata 2.4L 88k Motorcraft Synthetic Blend 5w30 & OEM
2000 Toyota Camry 2.2L 231k Valvoline 5w30 & Fram Ultra
1996 Jeep Cherokee 4.0L 147k Mobil 1 HM 10w40 & Fram Ultra
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806162
07/05/18 06:33 PM
07/05/18 06:33 PM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 33,550
ME
eljefino Offline
eljefino  Offline
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 33,550
ME
"It depends".

If a coworker gives me tools to get me started, I feel obligated to return them when I no longer need them, or to ask him if he knew anyone else who needed them. Similarly a cousin gave my then-3-year-old a huge box of "Thomas the Tank Engine" toys which we then passed on to another kid when he outgrew them.

If my wife gives me a shirt, it's a consumable item and mine to destroy.

An ipod goes obsolete fairly quickly, but also is very expensive. It kind of walks the line between these two scenarios.

Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806167
07/05/18 06:39 PM
07/05/18 06:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 9,916
Florida, Cape Coral
Eddie Offline
Eddie  Offline
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 9,916
Florida, Cape Coral
In my way of thinking, I would ask the person who gave me the expensive give if they would mind or be upset if I gave it away or loaned it. I think that is the proper why to show respect to the gift giver. To just give it away is completely rude. Ed


CX5 Touring 2.5L :-)
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806171
07/05/18 06:45 PM
07/05/18 06:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 304
Canada
Uregina09 Offline
Uregina09  Offline
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 304
Canada
You sound like a controlling jerk.

Originally Posted By: Walmill
When giving a gift to someone, is it fair for the gift giver to have expectations as to how the gift is to be used?
Likewise does the gift recipient have an obligation to the giver?
In other words if I give billybob a flashlight is billybob "allowed" to do whatever the [censored] he wants with it?

Several years ago I gave my now wife an ipod, that she wanted, not something I got her that she had no use for. Several months or a year later after visiting with her family she came back without the iPod. Her younger brother, an adult of working age who was currently employed somehow was using it now because he didn't have a phone to communicate with. The plan was he was going to buy whatwver phone waa about to be released at the time then shed get the iPod back. Months passed by I kind of forgot about it but then brought up what's up with her ipod. It ended up probably being a good two years before I got [censored] enough that I made her ask for it back. She still didn't really understand where I was coming from. In her eyes I gave her the item and so it shouldn't matter to me what she does with it (not exact words)
Opinions? Quite a few people I've spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.

Related to the subject, my mom will for example have clothes given to her from years ago. She hasnt worn them in years but will refuse to give them away because X person gave it to her. If Y person goes to her house she puts on the shirt Y person got her. If person Z comes over she uses the pot person Z bought her even if its buried in the back or the cabinet.

Surely theres a happy medium?


2018 Ford F150 with 2.7 Ecoboost: Valvoline Full Synthetic 5W30 and Motorcraft FL2062
2016 Toyota RAV4: Pennzoil Platinum 0W20 and Toyota 04152-YZZA1

Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806176
07/05/18 06:50 PM
07/05/18 06:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,960
South Florida
bubbatime Offline
bubbatime  Offline
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,960
South Florida
I can relate to the OP. He gave a nice expensive gift to his wife for her use. He did not spend all that money for her to gift it to her brother. He likely would NOT have spent that much money on the brother, so he is ticked off about it.

I think the OP has a valid argument here.

If I buy something for my wife, I sure dont want her re-gifting it to her lazy brother.


17 Chrysler Pacifica Mobil 1 5W30
13 Yamaha XT250 Valv MC 10W40
10 Acura TSX 2.4 Maxlife Syn 5W30
06 GMC Sierra Nextgen 10W30


Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806185
07/05/18 06:53 PM
07/05/18 06:53 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,202
The Canyons
02SE Offline
02SE  Offline
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,202
The Canyons
When I give a gift, I consider it to then be the property of the recipient to do with as they wish.

Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Uregina09] #4806206
07/05/18 07:11 PM
07/05/18 07:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,596
Canada
Lolvoguy Online shocked
Lolvoguy  Online Shocked
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,596
Canada
Originally Posted By: Uregina09
You sound like a controlling jerk.


Agreed.

I certainly would not want to be married to OP if that's how he treated me and the things he gave me.
coffee


06 Lexus IS350- Wife
88 BMW 325is- Mistress
Say "no" to Turbo!
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806208
07/05/18 07:18 PM
07/05/18 07:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 5,568
MA
Wolf359 Offline
Wolf359  Offline
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 5,568
MA
Was it a gift or a loan? OP is treating it as a loan. If it's a gift, it's up to the receiver to do whatever they like with it, the original giver has no say in the matter because the current owner of the gift is the rightful owner so the owner can do whatever they like.

I know some of my gifts are appreciated and some gifts that I know that I'm giving to someone they will destroy it or lose it within a few months. But I have no use of it so I give them away knowing full well that it will likely be lost or destroyed in short order, but at least I know it'll get some use of it before that happens so I feel that's better than letting it sit in one spot and age away unused.

Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Uregina09] #4806243
07/05/18 07:54 PM
07/05/18 07:54 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 1,514
Tri State Conservative
Zee09 Offline
Zee09  Offline
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 1,514
Tri State Conservative
Originally Posted By: Uregina09
You sound like a controlling jerk.

Originally Posted By: Walmill
When giving a gift to someone, is it fair for the gift giver to have expectations as to how the gift is to be used?
Likewise does the gift recipient have an obligation to the giver?
In other words if I give billybob a flashlight is billybob "allowed" to do whatever the [censored] he wants with it?

Several years ago I gave my now wife an ipod, that she wanted, not something I got her that she had no use for. Several months or a year later after visiting with her family she came back without the iPod. Her younger brother, an adult of working age who was currently employed somehow was using it now because he didn't have a phone to communicate with. The plan was he was going to buy whatwver phone waa about to be released at the time then shed get the iPod back. Months passed by I kind of forgot about it but then brought up what's up with her ipod. It ended up probably being a good two years before I got [censored] enough that I made her ask for it back. She still didn't really understand where I was coming from. In her eyes I gave her the item and so it shouldn't matter to me what she does with it (not exact words)
Opinions? Quite a few people I've spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.

Related to the subject, my mom will for example have clothes given to her from years ago. She hasnt worn them in years but will refuse to give them away because X person gave it to her. If Y person goes to her house she puts on the shirt Y person got her. If person Z comes over she uses the pot person Z bought her even if its buried in the back or the cabinet.

Surely theres a happy medium?


Give him back his ipod dude!


"If I walked on water, they'd say I couldn't swim."
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806274
07/05/18 08:23 PM
07/05/18 08:23 PM
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 9,916
Florida, Cape Coral
Eddie Offline
Eddie  Offline
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 9,916
Florida, Cape Coral
Insensitive wife. Controlling jerk-I think not.

Last edited by Eddie; 07/05/18 08:24 PM.

CX5 Touring 2.5L :-)
Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill] #4806285
07/05/18 08:28 PM
07/05/18 08:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,960
VW Fanboy Island
maxdustington Offline
maxdustington  Offline
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,960
VW Fanboy Island
I got my sister a $600 wedding gift and her marriage lasted three months.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be magnanimous.


03 Jetta AWP/09A 205k kms
Edge 0W40 + Mann 719/30
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