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#4806145 - 07/05/18 07:18 PM Gift giving \ receiving etiquette
Walmill Offline


Registered: 02/06/18
Posts: 41
Loc: FLORIDA
When giving a gift to someone, is it fair for the gift giver to have expectations as to how the gift is to be used?
Likewise does the gift recipient have an obligation to the giver?
In other words if I give billybob a flashlight is billybob "allowed" to do whatever the [censored] he wants with it?

Several years ago I gave my now wife an ipod, that she wanted, not something I got her that she had no use for. Several months or a year later after visiting with her family she came back without the iPod. Her younger brother, an adult of working age who was currently employed somehow was using it now because he didn't have a phone to communicate with. The plan was he was going to buy whatwver phone waa about to be released at the time then shed get the iPod back. Months passed by I kind of forgot about it but then brought up what's up with her ipod. It ended up probably being a good two years before I got [censored] enough that I made her ask for it back. She still didn't really understand where I was coming from. In her eyes I gave her the item and so it shouldn't matter to me what she does with it (not exact words)
Opinions? Quite a few people I've spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.

Related to the subject, my mom will for example have clothes given to her from years ago. She hasnt worn them in years but will refuse to give them away because X person gave it to her. If Y person goes to her house she puts on the shirt Y person got her. If person Z comes over she uses the pot person Z bought her even if its buried in the back or the cabinet.

Surely theres a happy medium?
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#4806150 - 07/05/18 07:25 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
rooflessVW Online   content


Registered: 12/24/11
Posts: 4316
Loc: North Carolina
It's a gift.

The purpose of a gift is to make the person receiving the gift happy. It doesn't need to be read into any farther than that, and when it is, a gift can often become a burden.
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#4806153 - 07/05/18 07:25 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Leo99 Offline


Registered: 03/30/14
Posts: 3111
Loc: NJ
Gifts don't come with strings attached. Except... I was gifted golf clubs when I was young. They were hand me downs. There were a string of 4 men/boys. I was the youngest/poorest. When the top guy bought new clubs the old clubs got passed down. So, basically, when Mr. R. bought new clubs we all moved up a set. I continue that tradition and will gift a used golf club to a friend with the stipulation that he can't sell it when he no longer wants it. He has to gift it to someone else.


Edited by Leo99 (07/05/18 07:53 PM)
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#4806154 - 07/05/18 07:26 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Bud Offline


Registered: 06/04/02
Posts: 1759
Loc: Texas
Once you give something, you have no more control over it. Nor should you.
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#4806157 - 07/05/18 07:28 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Nick1994 Offline


Registered: 02/19/13
Posts: 10285
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
Whatever they do with it is their deal.

But perhaps if you keep buying things for someone that they end up giving them away or selling them, maybe change your habits on what you buy them or how often etc.
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#4806162 - 07/05/18 07:33 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
eljefino Offline


Registered: 06/15/03
Posts: 32772
Loc: ME
"It depends".

If a coworker gives me tools to get me started, I feel obligated to return them when I no longer need them, or to ask him if he knew anyone else who needed them. Similarly a cousin gave my then-3-year-old a huge box of "Thomas the Tank Engine" toys which we then passed on to another kid when he outgrew them.

If my wife gives me a shirt, it's a consumable item and mine to destroy.

An ipod goes obsolete fairly quickly, but also is very expensive. It kind of walks the line between these two scenarios.

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#4806167 - 07/05/18 07:39 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Eddie Offline


Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 9651
Loc: Florida, Cape Coral
In my way of thinking, I would ask the person who gave me the expensive give if they would mind or be upset if I gave it away or loaned it. I think that is the proper why to show respect to the gift giver. To just give it away is completely rude. Ed
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#4806171 - 07/05/18 07:45 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Uregina09 Offline


Registered: 06/07/09
Posts: 274
Loc: Canada
You sound like a controlling jerk.

Originally Posted By: Walmill
When giving a gift to someone, is it fair for the gift giver to have expectations as to how the gift is to be used?
Likewise does the gift recipient have an obligation to the giver?
In other words if I give billybob a flashlight is billybob "allowed" to do whatever the [censored] he wants with it?

Several years ago I gave my now wife an ipod, that she wanted, not something I got her that she had no use for. Several months or a year later after visiting with her family she came back without the iPod. Her younger brother, an adult of working age who was currently employed somehow was using it now because he didn't have a phone to communicate with. The plan was he was going to buy whatwver phone waa about to be released at the time then shed get the iPod back. Months passed by I kind of forgot about it but then brought up what's up with her ipod. It ended up probably being a good two years before I got [censored] enough that I made her ask for it back. She still didn't really understand where I was coming from. In her eyes I gave her the item and so it shouldn't matter to me what she does with it (not exact words)
Opinions? Quite a few people I've spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.

Related to the subject, my mom will for example have clothes given to her from years ago. She hasnt worn them in years but will refuse to give them away because X person gave it to her. If Y person goes to her house she puts on the shirt Y person got her. If person Z comes over she uses the pot person Z bought her even if its buried in the back or the cabinet.

Surely theres a happy medium?
_________________________
2018 Ford F150 with 2.7 Ecoboost: Valvoline Full Synthetic 5W30 and Motorcraft FL2062
2016 Toyota RAV4: Pennzoil Platinum 0W20 and Toyota 04152-YZZA1


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#4806176 - 07/05/18 07:50 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
bubbatime Offline


Registered: 03/18/08
Posts: 5722
Loc: South Florida
I can relate to the OP. He gave a nice expensive gift to his wife for her use. He did not spend all that money for her to gift it to her brother. He likely would NOT have spent that much money on the brother, so he is ticked off about it.

I think the OP has a valid argument here.

If I buy something for my wife, I sure dont want her re-gifting it to her lazy brother.
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#4806185 - 07/05/18 07:53 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
02SE Offline


Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 2765
Loc: The Canyons
When I give a gift, I consider it to then be the property of the recipient to do with as they wish.

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#4806206 - 07/05/18 08:11 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Uregina09]
Lolvoguy Offline


Registered: 02/06/14
Posts: 2393
Loc: Canada
Originally Posted By: Uregina09
You sound like a controlling jerk.


Agreed.

I certainly would not want to be married to OP if that's how he treated me and the things he gave me.
coffee
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#4806208 - 07/05/18 08:18 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Wolf359 Offline


Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 4885
Loc: MA
Was it a gift or a loan? OP is treating it as a loan. If it's a gift, it's up to the receiver to do whatever they like with it, the original giver has no say in the matter because the current owner of the gift is the rightful owner so the owner can do whatever they like.

I know some of my gifts are appreciated and some gifts that I know that I'm giving to someone they will destroy it or lose it within a few months. But I have no use of it so I give them away knowing full well that it will likely be lost or destroyed in short order, but at least I know it'll get some use of it before that happens so I feel that's better than letting it sit in one spot and age away unused.

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#4806243 - 07/05/18 08:54 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Uregina09]
Zee09 Offline


Registered: 05/05/18
Posts: 470
Loc: Tri State Conservative
Originally Posted By: Uregina09
You sound like a controlling jerk.

Originally Posted By: Walmill
When giving a gift to someone, is it fair for the gift giver to have expectations as to how the gift is to be used?
Likewise does the gift recipient have an obligation to the giver?
In other words if I give billybob a flashlight is billybob "allowed" to do whatever the [censored] he wants with it?

Several years ago I gave my now wife an ipod, that she wanted, not something I got her that she had no use for. Several months or a year later after visiting with her family she came back without the iPod. Her younger brother, an adult of working age who was currently employed somehow was using it now because he didn't have a phone to communicate with. The plan was he was going to buy whatwver phone waa about to be released at the time then shed get the iPod back. Months passed by I kind of forgot about it but then brought up what's up with her ipod. It ended up probably being a good two years before I got [censored] enough that I made her ask for it back. She still didn't really understand where I was coming from. In her eyes I gave her the item and so it shouldn't matter to me what she does with it (not exact words)
Opinions? Quite a few people I've spoken to feel its for the recipient to do as they please.

Related to the subject, my mom will for example have clothes given to her from years ago. She hasnt worn them in years but will refuse to give them away because X person gave it to her. If Y person goes to her house she puts on the shirt Y person got her. If person Z comes over she uses the pot person Z bought her even if its buried in the back or the cabinet.

Surely theres a happy medium?


Give him back his ipod dude!
_________________________
"If I walked on water, they'd say I couldn't swim."

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#4806274 - 07/05/18 09:23 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
Eddie Offline


Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 9651
Loc: Florida, Cape Coral
Insensitive wife. Controlling jerk-I think not.


Edited by Eddie (07/05/18 09:24 PM)
_________________________
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#4806285 - 07/05/18 09:28 PM Re: Gift giving \ receiving etiquette [Re: Walmill]
maxdustington Offline


Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 868
Loc: Toronna
I got my sister a $600 wedding gift and her marriage lasted three months.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be magnanimous.
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