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Basic needs & fears of married men & women. #4721680
04/09/18 12:38 PM
04/09/18 12:38 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 820
Ozark Mountains
callbay Offline OP
callbay  Offline OP
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 820
Ozark Mountains
From my wife and my marriage counseling-

Needs:

MEN:
1.honor
2.sex
3.friendship with wife
4.domestic support

WOMEN:
1.security
2.safe non-sexual affection
3.open and honest communication
4.leadership


Fears:

MEN:
1.helplessness
2.being controlled
3.failure
4.disrespect


WOMEN:
1.disconection-at the heart level
2.not being heard
3.not being valued
4.losing love and appreciation

Your thoughts?

Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721695
04/09/18 12:56 PM
04/09/18 12:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,603
Canada
Lolvoguy Offline
Lolvoguy  Offline
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,603
Canada
What about religion?

hide


06 Lexus IS350- Wife
88 BMW 325is- Mistress
Say "no" to Turbo!
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721697
04/09/18 01:01 PM
04/09/18 01:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,565
Toronto
PeterPolyol Offline
PeterPolyol  Offline
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,565
Toronto
>friendship with wife
This is a huge one. A friend you can relate to, doesn't abuse you or use you as a slave, doormat, tool or ATM. It's totally astounding to me that people choose to have relationships like that.


Scambling for solutions is a hopelessly futile endeavour and potentially dangerous, without first coming to a solid, personal understanding of the problem. Beware riding the ideological hobby horse.
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721703
04/09/18 01:06 PM
04/09/18 01:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,477
NJ
Leo99 Offline
Leo99  Offline
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,477
NJ
Pretty spot on.


Without data you're just another person with an opinion. W. E. Deming

2003 Corolla 250,000 miles (RIP)
2004 Corolla 125,000 miles
2004 Rav4 370,000 miles
2015 Camry 70,000 miles
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721706
04/09/18 01:07 PM
04/09/18 01:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,028
Canuck living in California
KrisZ Offline
KrisZ  Offline
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,028
Canuck living in California
What is a "safe non-sexual affection"? Is that some sort of friend zone?


2015 Dodge Grand Caravan-27k miles.
2006 Mazda 3-163k miles
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721713
04/09/18 01:12 PM
04/09/18 01:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 806
Romania
Andy636 Offline
Andy636  Offline
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 806
Romania
What kind of security are you referring to? wink

Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: KrisZ] #4721717
04/09/18 01:15 PM
04/09/18 01:15 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,387
Chicago,IL,USA
pandus13 Offline
pandus13  Offline
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,387
Chicago,IL,USA
Originally Posted By: KrisZ
What is a "safe non-sexual affection"? Is that some sort of friend zone?

Spooning
Cozy hug
jumping up and down in LaLaLand
That day when the kids are with auntie....(Last time, exactly like the commercial... We slept like a log 1/2 day)


16 Golf SportWagen
13 Mazda5
08 Yaris
04 Elantra
95 accent
95 mystique
97 concorde
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: Andy636] #4721719
04/09/18 01:16 PM
04/09/18 01:16 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,387
Chicago,IL,USA
pandus13 Offline
pandus13  Offline
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,387
Chicago,IL,USA
Originally Posted By: Andy636
What kind of security are you referring to? wink

Tomorrow (Ziua de maine) is not a BIG Question mark...


16 Golf SportWagen
13 Mazda5
08 Yaris
04 Elantra
95 accent
95 mystique
97 concorde
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721725
04/09/18 01:23 PM
04/09/18 01:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,198
Campbellsville, KY
Alex_V Offline
Alex_V  Offline
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,198
Campbellsville, KY
What's there looks accurate to me.

Among other things, males are predisposed to want authority over things and know they can take care of/protect themselves and others. Mastery of something can give the feeling of having control over it - which isn't always a bad thing, but is easily corrupted. The "needs" list for women almost sounds too passive to me, but women do want to know they're valued and protected.

Man gives woman respect in the form of a genuine listening ear and a safe, stable environment, and she in turn gives man the respect as a leader and recognizes/reaffirms his capability to provide - sounds like a winning combo to me.


To quote a friend, "Synthetics, man."

'85 GMC C3500, 454, 132K
'82 Mercedes 300CD, OM617 turbo, 173K (totaled 2018, in rehab)
'85 Mercedes 300TD, OM617 turbo, 217K (wife's)
'67 Suburban, 350, 331K
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721727
04/09/18 01:26 PM
04/09/18 01:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 873
Central Coast California
RedOakRanch Offline
RedOakRanch  Offline
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 873
Central Coast California
All points valid but not necessarily in that order or on the right side of man vs woman list. People vary greatly.


1994 Ford Crown Vic 207k-Frankenbrew 0w20,30,40!
2005 Chevy 1500 Crewcab 4X4 180k-BC 0w30 $2/qt
2016 Outback 2.5 Limited 60k-shop brand?
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721784
04/09/18 02:03 PM
04/09/18 02:03 PM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 10,535
Illinois
javacontour Offline
javacontour  Offline
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 10,535
Illinois
Seems to track reasonably well with what I've learned from Dr Willard Harley at www.marriagebuilders.com

Check out His Need, Her Needs...

Originally Posted By: callbay
From my wife and my marriage counseling-

Needs:

MEN:
1.honor
2.sex
3.friendship with wife
4.domestic support

WOMEN:
1.security
2.safe non-sexual affection
3.open and honest communication
4.leadership


Fears:

MEN:
1.helplessness
2.being controlled
3.failure
4.disrespect


WOMEN:
1.disconection-at the heart level
2.not being heard
3.not being valued
4.losing love and appreciation

Your thoughts?


network down, IP packets delivered via UPS -BOFH
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721897
04/09/18 03:44 PM
04/09/18 03:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,013
Buffalo, NY
JTK Offline
JTK  Offline
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,013
Buffalo, NY
Please..

With my darling bride, 4 kids and ~40-70hr work weeks, I'm just happy to have dinner on the table and some semblance of sanity. Neither of which happen regularly.

Last edited by JTK; 04/09/18 03:44 PM.

2017 Ram 1500 4x4, 3.6L. 2016 Nissan Quest SV (Babe magnet IV)
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4721935
04/09/18 04:36 PM
04/09/18 04:36 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,643
Western S.C.
CR94 Online content
CR94  Online Content
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,643
Western S.C.
Not one single item listed as common to both genders. Really?


2011 Toyota Prius now at 94K
1981 Mazda GLC (323) retired at 606K
1972 Subaru DL retired at 190K
1954 Chevrolet retired at 121K
Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: CR94] #4721949
04/09/18 04:53 PM
04/09/18 04:53 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 41,545
'Stralia
Shannow Offline
Shannow  Offline
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 41,545
'Stralia
Originally Posted By: CR94
Not one single item listed as common to both genders. Really?


Both on opposite sides of the same ATM screen...how's that.

Re: Basic needs & fears of married men & women. [Re: callbay] #4722276
04/09/18 10:03 PM
04/09/18 10:03 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 268
USA
shadow7 Offline
shadow7  Offline
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 268
USA
Women donít need sex?

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