Recent Topics
Loosing coolant from somewhere
by NICAT. 09/24/18 03:47 PM
2010 or so Ford Fusion Sport thoughts?
by ZZman. 09/24/18 03:35 PM
My boss killed his jeep.
by Chris142. 09/24/18 02:40 PM
Moly question about walmart oils
by jayjr1105. 09/24/18 02:33 PM
Questions About 9011 Bulbs
by knerml. 09/24/18 02:23 PM
Lubricant Additives - A Practical Guide
by wemay. 09/24/18 01:39 PM
Fram Ultra--Any Real Competition?
by IndyFan. 09/24/18 12:59 PM
Used generator price.
by Eddie. 09/24/18 11:55 AM
More energy concerns about Bitcoin
by OVERKILL. 09/24/18 10:01 AM
Soot loading from DI engines - Size of particles
by StevieC. 09/24/18 09:58 AM
New TV bad picture some channels
by raaizin. 09/24/18 09:35 AM
Crown Victoria HVAC repair
by emmett442. 09/24/18 08:44 AM
Newest Members
albert001, LG_Electronics, TCam, OzFrog, Kursk
66062 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
113 registered members (92saturnsl2, 53' Stude, 65convertible, 46Harry, 77GrandPrix, 12 invisible), 1,898 guests, and 33 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics290,952
Posts4,853,069
Members66,062
Most Online3,590
Jan 24th, 2017
Donate to BITOG
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Hop To
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Baby-in-law? #4645038
01/24/18 03:26 PM
01/24/18 03:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,185
Campbellsville, KY
Alex_V Offline OP
Alex_V  Offline OP
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,185
Campbellsville, KY
So, my wife and I have lived with her older brother (24) since October in a decent 2-bedroom apartment. Before that we lived with my in-laws for about 3 months while we recouped from a financially difficult spring (needed to let the rental house we started out in go, anyway), before which we rented the afore-mentioned $600/mo. house for 3 years. BIL roomed with us there from April to August of 2016 when he decided to go to a 9-month school in Maine that winter.

Current rent is $370/mo. plus electric, water, and internet, etc. The arrangement is that we pay $200/mo. of rent and contribute food which doesn't get kept precise track of, but at least 2-3 nights a week my wife will cook a meal of food we bought which all 3 of us eat and BIL usually demolishes at least half the leftovers in short order. My wife and I have good cellular data plans such that we've not yet paid for internet service anywhere we've lived. His biggest hobby is gaming and keeping up with TV shows and bloggers on youtube, etc., and he paid for it in the old house and has it in the apartment.

Well, this month the electric bill has gone from its usual $50-60 to $135 and he's asked us (me) for help with it because he didn't realize it could be that much. (When he got the place he ran everything wide open for a month to see what the max bill could be - but that was in the summer when the HVAC was making a 20 degree difference, not a 50-degree one like it's done this month. No brainer?) I also frequently wake up in the wee hours to half the lights in the living room and kitchen on, plus the 50" TV. I've also seen him breeze in and out in such a hurry he didn't notice left the door half-latched, several different times in sub-freezing weather.

Several other factors worthy of noting for context: since coming back from Maine 5/17 he's had 4 different jobs. The last one, physical plant at the university in town, ended in his being fired because he "took some cough medicine", sat down and dozed off in front of a surveillance camera. Okay, the job description is super simple and he and his coworkers could only work half the time and more than fulfill their obligations - but still. The owner of the vineyard (an incredibly generous man that I continue to work for at $11/hr. because of the perks he brings to the job that can't have a price tag put on them) I work at part-time allowed him to come help me out this summer, and the 3 weeks? he was out there all he could talk about was finding a "real job" (exact words) in town, paying down his CC debt, and getting back into a more normal, long-term-focused trajectory.

Three months ago the PS pump on his 228K-mile 1998 Lesabre ran dry so he's since borrowed a car from some friends until he recently got the extra money to buy the pump, wheel bearing, and oil/ATF change supplies the car had to have before I'd commence the repairs.. (Clincher? I put fluid back in it and have driven it around town a couple times since it's been sitting at my place, and it hasn't leaked any negligible amount more... but I don't turn it to the steering stop on a daily basis which I'm 99% sure he does.) This is the car that the struts and shocks basically don't exist on anymore (been that way since before I put VC and oil pan gaskets, and all the filters on, before he took it to Maine) and this summer he chose to spend $1,400(!) on parts for a new custom-built computer "that he needed to get into game development and coding" before spending less than half that to rehab the suspension on his only car. He said recently, "I think I take pretty decent care of my car - I mean, it's in nice shape and I try to keep it that way", but he honestly drives the [censored] out of it and I'd bet money that without me being in close proximity to it, keeping track of the ODO for OC's, and getting a grain or two of comprehension through his head about just checking the freaking oil, it'd have been dead some time ago.

By the grace of God this week he got a bussing job at a local fancy BBQ restaurant that, counting food, tips, and beer, can pay as much as $13/hr. There's been no mention of how much he'll pay me for working on his car, but I've not heard anything to indicate he has calculated in some compensation (cash, less rent, whatever) for me in the immediate future.

I want to be a generous, compassionate person, to everyone but especially to those close to me. My parents are awful with money and can't (but also won't) help me out. I run my own small, but successful, business and have single-handedly provided for first myself, and now 85% of the income for my family (4 month old son now) for the last 2 years. And I'm absolutely not feeling like it's my problem to come up with the extra dough to help him with this electric bill or work on his car for free when I have my own worries and keep a very present mindset of thrift in everything I can.

Thoughts?


I like Chevy and Valvoline.

'13 Cruze, 1.4T, 113K
'85 GMC C3500, 454, 130K
'82 Mercedes 300CD, OM617 turbo, 169K
'67 Suburban, 350, 331K
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645049
01/24/18 03:37 PM
01/24/18 03:37 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,345
Chicago,IL,USA
pandus13 Offline
pandus13  Offline
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,345
Chicago,IL,USA
Have a SIL like that (forever in need of somebody to solve her never-ending problems).

We don't live together anymore. HINT HINT

P.S. BABY, YOU and Wife should be your priority!


16 Golf SportWagen
13 Mazda5
08 Yaris
04 Elantra
95 accent
95 mystique
97 concorde
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645057
01/24/18 03:42 PM
01/24/18 03:42 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,770
Columbus, Ohio
John_K Online confused
John_K  Online Confused
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,770
Columbus, Ohio
Your rent is a bargain compared to around here.

How does anyone go through 4 jobs in 7 months? I've had 6 jobs in 35 years.

I wouldn't help him. Let him learn. Plus I just don't get these people that can't turn off a light or close a door.


2009 Mercury Grand Marquis, 8 cyl auto, 82xxx miles, PU/Fram Ultra
2005 Hyundai Sonata, 4 cyl auto, 95xxx miles, Maxlife/OEM Filter
Current oil stash: 510 qts.


Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645064
01/24/18 03:48 PM
01/24/18 03:48 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,888
The Canyons
02SE Offline
02SE  Offline
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,888
The Canyons
If you want to remain on good terms with your BIL, get your own place ASAP.

Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645081
01/24/18 04:11 PM
01/24/18 04:11 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 8,813
Virginia Beach
Astro14 Offline
Astro14  Offline
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 8,813
Virginia Beach
Wait, you pay $200/month, plus some food?

For three people?

And you're upset that the BIL wants you to pay more?

All the rest, how he drives, how he spends his money, his job, is utterly irrelevant. Who cares about his car maintenance habits, or his computer shopping, or the electric bill? He pays the utilities now, right? You pay only $200/month and he's asking for more. You're three of the 4 people in the apartment, right? If he was a frugal SOB, and made millions, he would still be giving you an incredible deal at $200/month. Would you then argue that, because he has money, you should pay less?

You have two choices: 1. Pay up or 2. Get out.

If you think you can do better than the incredible bargain that he's providing you, feel free to exercise option 2. But if not, put up and pay up.

It's clear that you think your company is an incredible value, because you do so much for him. It's equally clear that he doesn't think so. You use many times the hot water that he does, yet he pays the utilities, right? It may very well be that he's tired of being told how to live his life and that he's tired of subsidizing your lifestyle. You didn't say how many square feet of the apartment you and family/wife take up, but I'll bet it's more than half...so, it's not at all clear that you're pulling your weight, even if you do fix his car now and then. If it were up to someone else, they might divide all expenses into thirds. Each person living there pays one third of rent, utilities, including internet, electric, cable, water, etc.

Last edited by Astro14; 01/24/18 04:23 PM.

32 Packard 15W40
02 Volvo V70 T5 0W40 M1
02 Volvo V70 XC 0W40 Edge
05 MB S600 0W40 M1
16 Tundra 1794 5W30 Pennzoil Ultra
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645083
01/24/18 04:12 PM
01/24/18 04:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,026
Lakeside, CA
Blkstanger Offline
Blkstanger  Offline
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,026
Lakeside, CA
My .02, Work on improving yourself and getting a better paying job so you can free your family from the situation. You can't change the way other people are. You can only change what you have control over.

Last edited by Blkstanger; 01/24/18 04:14 PM.

99 Jeep WJ 4.7 190,000 Maxlife 10w30, Fram Ultra.
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645084
01/24/18 04:14 PM
01/24/18 04:14 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 18,642
Dallas,Tx USA
aquariuscsm Offline
aquariuscsm  Offline
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 18,642
Dallas,Tx USA
Heck,that $600 a month rent house is a bargain to me!!


1996 Nissan 300ZX 5-speed,Arctic Pearl(#175 of 300)
Quaker State Ultimate Durability 10W30
2012 Honda Accord Coupe EX-L 2.4,auto,San Marino Red
Quaker State Ultimate Durability 5W20

Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645095
01/24/18 04:19 PM
01/24/18 04:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 11,856
Idaho
CT8 Offline
CT8  Offline
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 11,856
Idaho
What am I missing?


2015 Ford F150 2.7
2018 Ford F350 6.2
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: 02SE] #4645106
01/24/18 04:27 PM
01/24/18 04:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,185
Campbellsville, KY
Alex_V Offline OP
Alex_V  Offline OP
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,185
Campbellsville, KY
Originally Posted By: 02SE
If you want to remain on good terms with your BIL, get your own place ASAP.


We are working on that. My wife and I are in agreement her job should not compromise her ability to take care of the baby (daycare, etc.) so that greatly limits what jobs would fit the bill for her. My shop and the work I do there is a decision for the long term for me that I find gratification in and can make good money at when business is right. Having been officially open less than 2 years with less than $3,000 in business debt I think I'm doing alright in that respect. The vineyard takes about 1/3 of my working hours through the warmer months but has pulled through at times when the shop was slow and bills came due, and is a very good change of pace so I don't just spin wrenches 8-10 hours a day all year long and completely stop enjoying it.

We pay BIL $200 + 2/3? of the "mutual" food supply, which leaves him with the remaining $170
of rent and the electric, water, and internet which as I said before it not something we'd be paying for in a place of our own until income increases more than a little. His name is on the lease, he moved in there by himself, we moved in 3? months later because he had the extra space and I really needed a break from the 80-mile round trip I was making every day in the Cruze from the in-laws' house.

Yes, rent is cheap here, but minimum wage is $7.25? and most jobs readily available for generally unskilled/inexperienced people are $9-11/hr. and full-time with benefits if you're lucky. Kentucky has more people drawing a check than working.

Last edited by Alex_V; 01/24/18 04:30 PM.

I like Chevy and Valvoline.

'13 Cruze, 1.4T, 113K
'85 GMC C3500, 454, 130K
'82 Mercedes 300CD, OM617 turbo, 169K
'67 Suburban, 350, 331K
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645111
01/24/18 04:31 PM
01/24/18 04:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 713
Connecticut, USA
bmwpowere36m3 Offline
bmwpowere36m3  Offline
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 713
Connecticut, USA
You might be right... but the alternative is to live on your own $$.

Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645137
01/24/18 05:04 PM
01/24/18 05:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,185
Campbellsville, KY
Alex_V Offline OP
Alex_V  Offline OP
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,185
Campbellsville, KY
Originally Posted By: Astro14
Wait, you pay $200/month, plus some food?

For three people?

And you're upset that the BIL wants you to pay more?

All the rest, how he drives, how he spends his money, his job, is utterly irrelevant. Who cares about his car maintenance habits, or his computer shopping, or the electric bill? He pays the utilities now, right? You pay only $200/month and he's asking for more. You're three of the 4 people in the apartment, right? If he was a frugal SOB, and made millions, he would still be giving you an incredible deal at $200/month. Would you then argue that, because he has money, you should pay less?



You have two choices: 1. Pay up or 2. Get out.

If you think you can do better than the incredible bargain that he's providing you, feel free to exercise option 2. But if not, put up and pay up.

It's clear that you think your company is an incredible value, because you do so much for him. It's equally clear that he doesn't think so. You use many times the hot water that he does, yet he pays the utilities, right? It may very well be that he's tired of being told how to live his life and that he's tired of subsidizing your lifestyle. You didn't say how many square feet of the apartment you and family/wife take up, but I'll bet it's more than half...so, it's not at all clear that you're pulling your weight, even if you do fix his car now and then. If it were up to someone else, they might divide all expenses into thirds. Each person living there pays one third of rent, utilities, including internet, electric, cable, water, etc.


Bedrooms are equal size and as far as space our belongings are 90% contained to our bedroom. Most of his dishes and utensils were borrowed from us before we moved in - we weren't using them at the time, no big deal, but you asked for a "tit for tat" answer. Keeping paper towels and dish soap in stock usually falls to me. My wife easily does 70% of the dishes and we do all our laundry elsewhere.

I haven't spoken to my parents in months and they have no use for me or my wife and son unless we come visit them 500 miles away; his parents help him as much (or more) than is reasonable and have a house big enough he can crash whenever he's in-between or in a slump. Everything I have or have accomplished (outside of mentionable, but small help people have given me since I moved out and 2 states away) I feel has come through a substantial amount of fortitude and discipline; the person in question has no way to realize how different his "tough" scale is but conveys very clearly he thinks I know nothing of his struggles and any advice I offer is irrelevant.

Last edited by wwillson; 01/24/18 09:43 PM. Reason: censor bypass
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645142
01/24/18 05:08 PM
01/24/18 05:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 17,367
Deplorable in apple valley, ca
Chris142 Online content
Chris142  Online Content
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 17,367
Deplorable in apple valley, ca
Buy led light bulbs. They will cut your elect bill by a huge amount. I recommended that you suck it up,pay the guy what he wants then start looking for your own place.


02 Wrangler durablend 10w40
87 F250 traveler 15w40
04 Tahoe super-s 10w30
Z400 castrol T 10w40
Can am maveric edge 5w40
57 case tractor 15w40
Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645145
01/24/18 05:08 PM
01/24/18 05:08 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,159
n.c.
gman2304 Online content
gman2304  Online Content
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,159
n.c.
Two families cannot live together! You could make some extra money by selling a couple of your 4 vehicles.....I have first dibs on the 67 Suburban in your sig. whistle

Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: pandus13] #4645154
01/24/18 05:19 PM
01/24/18 05:19 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,049
US
JLTD Offline
JLTD  Offline
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,049
US
Originally Posted By: pandus13
Have a SIL like that (forever in need of somebody to solve her never-ending problems).

We don't live together anymore. HINT HINT

P.S. BABY, YOU and Wife should be your priority!


+1000. Time for a place away from the (emerging) freeloader. OR simply pay more. Astro14 has a very good point - you're paying $200 a month and groceries. You have a successful business.


I'm a thickie; but a 20 has its place.

I use AMSOIL

Hers: 2008 Jeep Liberty 138k, SS 5w30/Amsoil

His: 2015 4Runner 41k, OE 5w20/Wix

Re: Baby-in-law? [Re: Alex_V] #4645187
01/24/18 05:52 PM
01/24/18 05:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 8,813
Virginia Beach
Astro14 Offline
Astro14  Offline
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 8,813
Virginia Beach
We can keep parsing the details, but it makes no difference. He thinks you're freeloading, you think he's free loading. Neither of you are likely to change that opinion. His name is on the lease...so...

So, you're left with, 1. Pay up or 2. Move out.

Personally, if you can get an apartment of your own for a similar rent ($370), I would recommend that in a heartbeat.


32 Packard 15W40
02 Volvo V70 T5 0W40 M1
02 Volvo V70 XC 0W40 Edge
05 MB S600 0W40 M1
16 Tundra 1794 5W30 Pennzoil Ultra
Page 1 of 2 1 2

BOB IS THE OIL GUY® Powered by UBB.threads™