bad metaphors

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1) His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

2) He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.

3) She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Texas beef.

4) She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

5) Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

6) He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

7) The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated came as a
rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

8) The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

9) From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

10) Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

11) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

12) Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

13) Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

14) The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

15) The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

16) He was as lame as a duck.
Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame.

17) The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her,
like a dog at a fire hydrant.

18) He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.
 
I wish I had know these when taking High School English & Literature/Writing.

My teacher had a great sense of humor... she would've loved these!
 
Should update the title to "bad similes and metaphors"

Lots of "likes" and "as" in there.
 
Originally Posted By: BalticBob

14) The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.


That one's actually pretty good.

Originally Posted By: DoubleWasp
Is it weird that in my head, all of those were narrated by Leslie Nielson?


Is it weird that I logged in just to make that comment????
cheers3.gif
 
Originally Posted By: JeepWJ19
Should update the title to "bad similes and metaphors"

Lots of "likes" and "as" in there.


Good point! I was laughing so hard I completely missed that none of them are metaphors.

A simile uses like or as. In a metaphor, one thing becomes another. All of them used like or as, except one in which it was implied.

The title of this would be "Bad Similes", but very few would associate with that, and while incorrect, "Bad Metaphors" sounds better.
 
Last edited:
Originally Posted By: ArrestMeRedZ


Good point! I was laughing so hard I completely missed that none of them are metaphors.

A simile uses like or as. In a metaphor, one thing becomes another. All of them used like or as, except one in which it was implied.

The title of this would be "Bad Similes", but very few would associate with that, and while incorrect, "Bad Metaphors" sounds better.


Agreed, "Bad metaphors" sounds better than "Bad similes" haha
 
Let me get this straight......
metaphors are like a simile but only different, as Mobil 1 is like oil in another container with a different name?
 
If I recall from high school 48 years ago, a simile is a comparison using like or as. In a metaphor one thing becomes another.

Simile: The CEO charged into the boardroom like a bull, causing the Directors to cower in their chairs as he glowered at them.

Metaphor: The CEO was an angry snorting bull. He affixed the CFO in his sights and skewered him on his horns, citing his lack of support on the recent corporate acquisition.

Disclaimer. I'm an engineer, not an English major. I not write well, as Steve Martin would say.
 
Originally Posted By: Number_35
These are outstanding! Baltic Bob, are they yours?


No, they were sent from a friend.
I do not know where he got them.
They have probably been floating around on the 'net like vanilla
ice cream floats in a glass full of root beer.
 
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