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The Indian #4475915
07/31/17 06:38 PM
07/31/17 06:38 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,178
Tn.
CourierDriver Offline OP
CourierDriver  Offline OP
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,178
Tn.

An Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other.


He says to the bartender; “Want coffee."
The bartender says; "Sure Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the bar and says to the bartender; "Want coffee."
The bartender says; "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday! What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says;
"Training for position in United States Congress! Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."


turn in your old jackets, shirts and other clothes to a Salvation Army or any homeless shelter this year...
Re: The Indian [Re: CourierDriver] #4475932
07/31/17 06:51 PM
07/31/17 06:51 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 7,485
S California
OneEyeJack Offline
OneEyeJack  Offline
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 7,485
S California
A sad looking man is sitting at the bar. A tough guy sits next to him, takes his drink and swallows it down in one gulp.

The sad man starts crying. The tough guy laughs and says what's the problem little man?

The sad man says I was fired from my job, my kids left me, my wife divorced me, the bank repossessed my car, my dog bit me and my landlord through all my belongings out into the street. To top that off I poured a triple packet of fast acting poison into my beer and watched it dissolve. Then you come in here and drank my beer.

Re: The Indian [Re: OneEyeJack] #4475944
07/31/17 07:02 PM
07/31/17 07:02 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,178
Tn.
CourierDriver Offline OP
CourierDriver  Offline OP
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,178
Tn.
Originally Posted By: OneEyeJack
A sad looking man is sitting at the bar. A tough guy sits next to him, takes his drink and swallows it down in one gulp.

The sad man starts crying. The tough guy laughs and says what's the problem little man?

The sad man says I was fired from my job, my kids left me, my wife divorced me, the bank repossessed my car, my dog bit me and my landlord through all my belongings out into the street. To top that off I poured a triple packet of fast acting poison into my beer and watched it dissolve. Then you come in here and drank my beer.
lmao


turn in your old jackets, shirts and other clothes to a Salvation Army or any homeless shelter this year...
Re: The Indian [Re: CourierDriver] #4476005
07/31/17 07:53 PM
07/31/17 07:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,179
US-WA
Dyusik Offline
Dyusik  Offline
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,179
US-WA
Thanks guys, much needed today. LOL


95 Cherokee 190K DELO 10W30, XG8
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Re: The Indian [Re: CourierDriver] #4476101
07/31/17 09:50 PM
07/31/17 09:50 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 82
Appalachia
Wurlitzer Offline
Wurlitzer  Offline
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 82
Appalachia
A man was at a baseball game and went down into the stadium to get a hotdog. The line was extremely long and it took him forever to get to the front of the line. When he is finally about to order his hotdog he hears someone out in the crowd yell "HEY DAVE!! DAVE! COME HERE!" He gets out of line and runs out to see who had yelled and to find out what they wanted but he couldn't see who it was so he went back under the stadium and had to get in the back of the line again which was even longer now. He waits and waits and finally gets back to the front of the line. Right when he's about to order the hotdog he hears the man outside again yell "HEY DAVE COME OUT HERE, DAVE!!!" He steps out of line again and runs to see who was yelling but still couldn't make out who it was. The line at the concessions is even longer than ever now and so he gets in the back of the line again. Several minutes later, after missing much of the game, he finally gets to the front of the line and begins ordering his hotdog. While he is ordering he hears the man again yelling "HEY DAVE, DAVE COME HERE, DAVE!!!!" He runs out of line, out into the crowd, and this time he sees the man who was yelling and he responds to him: "HEY!!! MY NAME AIN'T DAVE!"

Re: The Indian [Re: CourierDriver] #4476104
07/31/17 09:58 PM
07/31/17 09:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 82
Appalachia
Wurlitzer Offline
Wurlitzer  Offline
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 82
Appalachia
A young pastor, who looks just like Conway Twitty, moves into a new town to preach at a church. He goes door to door introducing himself to the community and to invite them to church. The first house he went to, an old woman answered the door and said "Oh my goodness, you're Conway Twitty!", he corrected her and said that he was just the new preacher in town and wanted to introduce himself. At the second house a young man answers the door and says "Hey, you're Conway Twitty!", "no", he says, "I'm just the new preacher in town and wanted to introduce myself". At the third house a beautiful, young, blonde woman answers the door with nothing but a bath towel wrapped around her and says "Oh my God! You're Conway Twitty!", and the pastor said "Hello Darling, nice to see you..."

Re: The Indian [Re: Wurlitzer] #4476694
08/01/17 03:16 PM
08/01/17 03:16 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,178
Tn.
CourierDriver Offline OP
CourierDriver  Offline OP
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 5,178
Tn.
Originally Posted By: Wurlitzer
A young pastor, who looks just like Conway Twitty, moves into a new town to preach at a church. He goes door to door introducing himself to the community and to invite them to church. The first house he went to, an old woman answered the door and said "Oh my goodness, you're Conway Twitty!", he corrected her and said that he was just the new preacher in town and wanted to introduce himself. At the second house a young man answers the door and says "Hey, you're Conway Twitty!", "no", he says, "I'm just the new preacher in town and wanted to introduce myself". At the third house a beautiful, young, blonde woman answers the door with nothing but a bath towel wrapped around her and says "Oh my God! You're Conway Twitty!", and the pastor said "Hello Darling, nice to see you..."
good one


turn in your old jackets, shirts and other clothes to a Salvation Army or any homeless shelter this year...
Re: The Indian [Re: CourierDriver] #4476722
08/01/17 04:02 PM
08/01/17 04:02 PM
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,462
Georgia
DeepFriar Offline
DeepFriar  Offline
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,462
Georgia
(still trying with Ole/Lena that won't be summarily removed)

Ole comes home early and goes into the bedroom. And Lena is standing there naked. Lena, says Ole, vy are you standing dere naked? I haf nutting to vear Ole. Ya shur, says Ole, you have many dresses in da closet. He goes over, opens the closet and says, see, here is da red dress and here is the blue dress and here is, Oh, hi Sven! and den here is the green vun too.......

Re: The Indian [Re: DeepFriar] #4508364
09/05/17 06:23 PM
09/05/17 06:23 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,943
Champlain/Hudson Valley
Kira Online content
Kira  Online Content
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,943
Champlain/Hudson Valley
"Is dems da Yaps", said a Norwegian lady sitting behind my grandmother in a movie theatre featuring a war movie during WWII.

It's a stand alone family joke to this day.


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