Decided to check back on this thread, thanks so much for all of your great responses. Here's an update for anyone who cares.
She made it to Arizona! 30 hours and 2,000 miles was not a problem for this thing. And, best of all - It didn't, and still hasn't, used a drop of oil, even with sustained 80+ MPH on the trip and tons of hard city driving in 100F+ these past few weeks. Safe to say that my concerns about the engine have been quelled.
I found out that the t-case was replaced about 30k miles ago, so I'm not very worried about the XDrive system. I also flashed XDelete to disable the actuator entirely, so hopefully that helps things.
@raaizin
I would say that the era before this (90s, early 2000s) were much more notorious for cooling system issues. The main issue with these is the electric water pump, which tends to go out around 100k on the turbo models depending on use, and 100-150k+ on the NA models. It's a pain to replace, but it tends to give warning signs in the form of codes before it finally gives up. On my 2011 328i, the factory original water pump made it to 205k before it started to throw codes. It still did the job fine, but I replaced it preemptively.
@michaelluscher
Here's a picture for those asking. The paint was a touch hazed when I bought it, but a quick pass with the rotary was enough to clean it up in an hour. It's certainly no show car but it shined up nicely!