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Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.” “Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the...

Last Wednesday I was passenger in a taxi going to the train station when I leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a...

Just got my first report back from Blackstone was surprized how quick there were, The motor is the 2.4 GDI and was concerned with fuel dilution so the factory fill was dumped at 2000 km and the fill was PP 5w30 and oil had about 2500 km on at sample. Took sample on June 27 and got busy and...

My wife got home and said the cel is on, scan the code and says po453 evap emission system pressure sensor high. And she just had the tank filled up at a full service station. Did a little search and not finding much on this part. The car is a 2003 Oldsmobile Alero 2.4 car has about 125,000 KM...

Sorry if this has been asked before tried to do a search and was not to successful. I'm looking for a good solar battery maintainer any suggestions, I live in southern Ontario so kind of limits the options. I've checked on Amazon.ca and there was one for about $60 bucks but said it's operating...

The Final Exam At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty...

WORDS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalists 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran-substantiate WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY...

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed And very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply...

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman...

St Patrick's Day Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy". Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then". Paddy spins around on his stool and...

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Very Impressive! Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy...

"A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the...

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops...

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and...

A man asked an American Indian what his is wife's name is. He replied she is called 5 horses. And the man said thats an unusual name for your wife. What dies it mean? The old Indian answered. It's an old Indian name! It mean Nag,Nag,Nag,Nag,Nag.

A boy named Isko was very sad in his class.. The teacher asked, "Isko, what is your problem?" Isko answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The teacher had enough. She took Isko to...

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money.... he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how...

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa." The father said, "Why did you say good-bye to Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know...

An Irishman went to Confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. 'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Kitty Green twice last month.' The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.' Soon thereafter, another...