Silly one-liners... Please add your Favorites

[MolaKule]

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

 

[Loobed]

not really a one liner.

What element do you get when you remove all the oxygen from a crowded room? Pandemonium.

 

[Quattro Pete]

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

 

[Big_Kat]

It's amino world...... chirp chirp haha

 

[MolaKule]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians able to settle here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

 

[simple_gifts]

I asked my friends for some puns that would make me laugh, but no pun in ten did.

 

[MolaKule]

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Velcro - what a rip off!

I'm so old, when I go out for breakfast and ask for a 3 minute egg...they ask me to pay up front.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

[S_Walmer]

The one who farts in church sits in own PU.

 

[beanoil]

Honey, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but don't forget it's on the list.

 

[mechtech2]

Great posts - thanks!
My $.02:

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong!

Why do we choose from 50 to determine Miss America, but only 2 for President?

 

[Loobed]

I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong.

 

[Trajan]

I may not be always right, but I'm never wrong.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site

 

[PandaBear]

Resistance is futile, if less than 1 Ohm.

 

[Shannow]

Originally Posted By: PandaBear
Resistance is futile, if less than 1 Ohm.

with great power comes great dEnergy/dt

 

[zerosoma]

WHY do you drive in a park way and park in a driveway?

 

[beanoil]

Think your life is hard? Remember the clothespin. It's reputation is always on the line.

 

[DBMaster]

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Why are divorces so expensive? They're worth it.

 

[suspiciousmind]

I changed my my mind but it doesn't work any better.

 

[DBMaster]

^Excellent! I am trying to commit this one to memory.

 

[thomasew]

From Ron on the show "Lizard Lick Towing":

It is hotter than two hamsters fartin' in a wool sock.