Grandpa better watch out

[Dan4510]

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

 

[Dan4510]

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that.

Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the **** were Nancy & Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing."

 

[T-Keith]

Good ones, here's another.

An old woman was in the nursing home and was getting lonely. She walks into a room full of men and yells "whoever can guess what's in my hand, can have sex with me."

An old man across the room yells, "An Elephant."
"Close enough!" she responds.

 

[Dan4510]

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.
After his examination, his doctor was amazed.

"Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the
greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"

"Did I say I was 64?"

"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"

"**** straight you did! I'm 85!"

"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were
25! How old was your father when he died?"

"Did I say he was dead?"

"You mean..."

"**** straight! He's 106 and going strong!"

"My Lord! What a healthy family you must come from!
How long did your grandfather live?"

"Did I say he was dead?"

"No! You can't mean..."

"**** straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"

"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think
a man would want to get married at that age!"

"Did I say he 'wanted' to get married?..."

 

[eljefino]

Grandma and grandpa are having room service breakfast at the hotel, celebrating their 60th anniversary.

"Why, my t-ts are hot for you even now" remarked Granny.

"They should be," replied Grandpa, "your left one is sagging in your oatmeal, and the right one is in your coffee!"