>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on
the
>pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get
>nervous, I take a sip."
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
>At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
>
>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note
>on
>the door:
>1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *** .
>6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and
>the spook.
>8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $**t out of him.
>9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say
>he
>was stoned off his *** .
>10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
>11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this
and
>eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
>12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
>13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for
>the
>grub, Yeah God.
>14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's
not a
>peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on
the
>pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get
>nervous, I take a sip."
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
>At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
>
>Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note
>on
>the door:
>1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
>2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *** .
>6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and
>the spook.
>8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $**t out of him.
>9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say
>he
>was stoned off his *** .
>10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
>11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this
and
>eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
>12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
>13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for
>the
>grub, Yeah God.
>14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's
not a
>peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
