Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself "Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever
seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to
withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness . but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever
seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to
withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a
good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness . but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan
