Being Highly Responsible in a Me-Me-Me World.

[Turk]

I'm HIGHLY responsible and accountable and it's driving my crazy!!

54 years old, always been this way; nickname in the Engineering Dept. for over 20 years was "Eagle Scout".

See it, Own it, Do it. All my life. Never late for anything or anyone, not one single day on any bill, everything paid off. All things taken care of around the house. Cars ultra well taken care of. ON & ON....

The Teens are on their iPhones, & other small electronics ALL the time. Barely lift a finger. I ask they don't want to help.

I ask the Teens to help mow the lawn because my body hurts so bad, they say "not me", other one says nothing, then meltdown, start crying and play the victim card. BUT, then they go to an expensive Gym to expend their energy!

Many Adults are not responsible either. They avoid THEIR responsibilities, it comes to a head, and guess what: There's ME to drop all my plans, go bail them out and work my butt off because it "has" to be done.

I could never get away with 10% of all this growing up or adult life!


This is ongoing, examples are absolutely endless!!

What on Earth is going on??

 

[SteveSRT8]

Seems typical these days.

I feel sorry for you when the kids won't help. I am very fortunate with three children ages 28-30-32 who are always eager and willing to lend a hand. I don't know what I would do without them.

A sad state of affairs to be sure...

 

[KrisZ]

With kids at least, you are in control and you should be in control. Simple motivator is to simply take away the stuff they really like.
Now, my kids are very young so I don't have any experience with teens, but I still think that getting them involved with chores and responsibilities early on will lessen the rebellion a bit during the teen years. We try to make some of the chores fun, like helping out with cooking and getting a bit messy. But how exactly it's going to play out in the end I have no clue.

It's a problem that is as old the man kind.

 

[Brian Barnhart]

Education.

 

[opus1]

No kids so I can't comment there, but in the adult world, it's due to "climate change", and I'm not talking the Al Gore type.

Everyone is special and needs to be accommodated or they'll sue, so a few "lucky" individuals are dubbed the SME (Subject Matter Expert) and get to carry the rest of the department. And heaven forbid if the SME starts to point out to management that they see what's going on as it results in getting dinged on your next review as being "combattive" or "resistant to management direction" (don't ask me how I know...

).

 

[Turk]

Then I say "no one cares around here, why should I care anymore? I might as well disconnect the Internet; why should I keep paying out just so you keep doing this and we get ignored.?"

Then I say "Wait until your kids do this to you." Then they say I'm not having any kids. Then I say how do you know that, how can you predict the twists & turns of the future of your life?

No wonder why I'm so tense and why my body hurts!!

It's not just the Teens.... It's a lot of people around me, no matter who it is,
there's VERY few responsible & accountable people anymore.

 

[RedOakRanch]

There is going to be a rude awakening to these kids when all the responsible parents die off. My Dad spends a huge amount of time and effort to support my siblings. Its taken a toll on his finances and time. I'm just like you but no one gets to be "entitled" in my house. My motto is "life isn't fair" and my kids know it. I also point out the rewards of being responsible everytime we go to a dinner/movie/theme park etc. My kids know that you have to work hard to play hard, at least after 30! All my coworkers fall into the whiney, not my fault, cell phone gazer category and I can't find anyone better to hire.

 

[AlienBug]

As I have written before. Every generation thinks the next generation is going to be the Downfall of Humanity. Your parents thought your generation were lazy and worthless, and the Silent Generation thought the WWII generation were useless too.

However, IF the Millennials are a worthless lot (which I do not agree with) then it is the fault of those who raised them.

 

[BMWTurboDzl]

Hate to break it to you but they're no different than prior generations. They just have more luxuries due to advancements in technology.

 

[4D-56]

I hear you, Turk, its a problem that many of us face in different ways.

Im not a parent but get to see a lot of this with my girlfriend and her kids.

My opinion on the electronic devices and the internet is this: ditch the WiFi. I will not have it at home. There are many things to be read about the fact that we're constantly drenched in emf smog. I prefer to not have it at home. If you can, set up hard wired co-ax connections to any PCs and TVs that really need it. The absence of the wifi will make a drastic change to the constant starring at screens.

Do ask them about it, if you want to do i t, just do it. Kids dont seem to go outside any more.

Dont furnish them financially with the means to do all of this distracting stuff. If they're not old enough to have a job, draw up a list of chore and have them earn their devices and internet time with them to some degree.

I have a big gripe with the whole social media thing. I dont do ANY of it. Its one big electronic illusion. It has us living in a very much image based world where this is constant comparison of myself and my life to others....upon which i judge/see myself.

This social media appears to me. like a big attractive machine that sucks in "kids" very efficiently. I refuse to be another victim of it. I read books and spend more time outside as a result of having ditched Facebook (the only way that I played that game)

As for your words "I'm HIGHLY responsible and accountable and it's driving my crazy!!"

Be careful with that. wanting or expecting others to be what I am is a source of never ending conflict.....this comes back to the unseen self that brings in all of the The "I" "my" "me" "mine" stuff. It all comes back to relationship between each of us and the myriad of things that are mostly missed about ourselves. Wanting is an efficient source of anguish and arguments for sure!

Cancel the internet for a month and see what happens!

 

[John_K]

My parents didn't ask they just said "mow the lawn". I knew things would be taken away if I didn't. Maybe you need to take that approach.

John

 

[Turk]

Originally Posted By: AlienBug
As I have written before. Every generation thinks the next generation is going to be the Downfall of Humanity. Your parents thought your generation were lazy and worthless


Oh No, not me........

I had to help out on the Farm, all the time. Had to go sell vegies at the Farmer's Market each Saturday, then spend the evening helping out cleaning up.

Had to help build 6 Houses almost daily during Summer break, daily, during my Teens.

NO if, ands, or buts. Expected and I was not paid one single Dollar for it.

 

[Lapham3]

Originally Posted By: John_K
My parents didn't ask they just said "mow the lawn". I knew things would be taken away if I didn't. Maybe you need to take that approach.

John


This should be the approach, but us boomers don't do this too much it seems. I study history and my wife a 40 year educator=it's getting to be the new norm with the lack of reponsibility and work ethic-sorry to say.

 

[goodtimes]

On the other hand people work 50 hour weeks for minimum wage to be able to pay overpriced rent, never getting ahead. People were able to send a spacecraft to Pluto and take pictures of it and send them back. That took some work. You generalize I would say. Maybe not. I also read where the people tens of thousands of years ago were more intelligent, not less. Because they had to do everything themselves. Kids now are constantly escaping into their electronics. We didn't have that. We have an oil site to escape from reality.

 

[Turk]

Originally Posted By: John_K
My parents didn't ask they just said "mow the lawn". I knew things would be taken away if I didn't. Maybe you need to take that approach.

John


They're my Step-Kids. I don't dare tell them to do anything. I ask one time in 5 years and they went into meltdown.

Oh, but I gave up my home for them to finish up their high school in their city they lived in (after my wife & I agreed to sell her house...)

See? Ultra caring & giving, Ultra responsible and look where it gets me. Adults too.

 

[IndyIan]

Originally Posted By: KrisZ
With kids at least, you are in control and you should be in control. Simple motivator is to simply take away the stuff they really like.
Now, my kids are very young so I don't have any experience with teens, but I still think that getting them involved with chores and responsibilities early on will lessen the rebellion a bit during the teen years. We try to make some of the chores fun, like helping out with cooking and getting a bit messy. But how exactly it's going to play out in the end I have no clue.

It's a problem that is as old the man kind.

3 and 5 year old boys here, and I try to use positive reinforcement as much as possible. But then there times where negative consequences have to be used too.
Hopefully they will be helpful when they are older, as I would feel bad for them if they have to sleep in the barn all the time....

 

[zzyzzx]

It's all due to bad/lack of parenting.

 

[Astro14]

Turk - they're spoiled. Plain and simple. And if Mrs. Turk isn't on your side, then you're not going to be able to change that.

I've got three stepkids. Great kids, all of them. But there were moments when their "compass" needed...calibration...With the support of Mrs. Astro...that...calibration...was successful.

Car keys, internet, even their rooms, are all provided by you. You control those things...so you have leverage, which, when correctly applied, can help them lose that sense of entitlement...

 

[KrisZ]

Originally Posted By: Turk
They're my Step-Kids. I don't dare tell them to do anything. I ask one time in 5 years and they went into meltdown.


They are under your roof, aren't they? And your wife should be supporting you, so that you are not the "bad guy".
It's probably too little too late now, but just because you are their step father should not mean you have no say in your own house.

My parents had that approach, "my roof, my rules" and I inherited that, my wife was brought up in similar mindset. Doesn't matter who's under our roof, they obey our rules. Temporary guests have some leeway, but no total leniency.

 

[Jarlaxle]

One problem: every child has the nuclear option. That being :"Daddy touched me."