A guy's wife came early and found her husband making love with a young attractive woman.
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife and mother of your children! I am leaving you."
The husband replied, "Hang on a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Go ahead", she sobbed, "but probably they will be the last words you will say to me."
And the husband began, "Well, I was getting in to the car to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless, that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid that you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair of the same."
The husband took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help, as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
That's how we ended up in bed."